Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are...

I know it's been awhile with no update - I've been crazy busy the last few weeks and it doesn't look like life is about to slow down at all! To answer the big question - yes, Dominic is still hibernating. Today is exactly one week away from my due date. Where the hell have the last 9 months gone? This pregnancy has gone by so fast and easy I can hardly believe it. All those people who bitch and moan about how rough pregnancy is really make me wonder. Maybe I've just been lucky. After all, I never even did buy maternity clothes. The old rubber band around the button of my pants trick worked wonders. I will admit though, the last week or so I've become increasingly anxious. I just want him here. RIGHT MEOW. I'm done being patient.

Am I nervous about my impending due date? Pshhh, never. What's there to be nervous about? Giving birth to a 7 - 9 pound baby? That's a walk in the park. Going through a long labor with (hopefully) no pain medication? Bring it on. Bringing home a tiny little human that I'm going to be solely responsible for? I may or may not be fucking terrified.

For my baby shower one of my friends got me a "belly cast" to make a mold of my pregnant belly. I did it last weekend because who knows how much longer I'll be housing a baby. It's a cool little gift, but I don't know what to do with it now that it's done. I've got this mold of these giant boobs and belly sitting in my room and to be honest it's a bit creepy! I guess I'll put it in storage.

So for now I go back to waiting. I'm no good at this game. Guess I'll just continue life as usual in the meantime - still working everyday, still staying active and still daydreaming about holding the little baby living inside me for the past 9 months. Come on Dominic, I'm ready when you are!


"Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current."

No It's Not a Rant...Not Quite...

Happy Halloween (almost)! I can't believe October is nearly over already. I went to a Halloween party for a few hours on Saturday. It was good to get out, but with everything going on this past week I didn't have time to get a costume so I felt out of place. I ended up creating a makeshift cowgirl costume using a cowboy hat, boots and hobby horse. Next Halloween will be more exciting - hopefully I'll have a new place to decorate and a little man to dress up! Too soon to get excited? Never.

I'm not going to rant, because quite frankly I no longer have the energy or desire to focus on the negative at this point in my life. But I do have some comments and observations to make about a few things. I've come to believe that people who lie, tell others what they want to hear and/or string people along often do so to mask their own insecurities. If you happen to be one of those people who showers your friends or potential dates with compliments just to keep them around when you don't really mean it, you should probably take a long hard look at yourself. What that tells me is that you're insecure and so afraid of being by yourself that you'll do whatever it takes to keep people "on the sidelines" so you never have to be alone. True confidence comes in taking a chance on one person or a few people you truly believe in, and accepting the risk that things may not work out. If you need "backup" friends or "dates" you have a serious self esteem issue.  That's not to say there's anything wrong with keeping your options open, because there absolutely isn't. Just be honest about it. Anyone can lie or mislead others to keep people around, but true confidence comes in being honest with others and having them still want you to be around. Lying and stringing people along is for pussies. Stop hiding behind your lies and don't say things you don't mean  - have the balls to lay things on the line and own up to your shit. If you can't do that, don't bother speaking to me. End of my non-rant. "Never make someone a priority who only considers you an option."

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed about my specialist appointment on Friday. I'm hoping my positive thoughts will yield a positive outcome. In the meantime, I'm taking comfort in the little things - each time Dominic moves, looking at all the cute things in his nursery, staring at his picture. I couldn't love this kid more!

The Most Beautiful Baby I've Ever Seen...

I thought long and hard about whether or not to post about this, but decided to go for it since I've had a couple days to think. And after all, that's what I created this blog for in the first place. First things first, I got to see Dominic on the 3D ultrasound the other day! He looks almost exactly as I had pictured him - big lips, huge chubby cheeks, and yes I could even see his hair. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my life. I wish he had been a little more cooperative when the ultrasound tech was taking photos. He had his hands up by his face and looks a bit distorted in the few photos we did get.  But you can still tell how absolutely adorable he is. They estimated his weight to be just over 6 pounds right now, so I've definitely got a good sized baby on my hands.

After I got to see him on the ultrasound, the doctor came in to go over everything with me. The doctor then informed me that she was concerned because one of the ventricles in Dominic's brain was enlarged and the brain was appearing slightly swollen on the ultrasound. Apparently this is a fairly rare issue known as ventriculomegaly. The doctor also expressed concerns about his heart rate because it kept dropping throughout the ultrasound. Up until that point, we hadn't had any issues on previous ultrasounds, tests or fetal heart monitors. This news left me beyond scared, surprised, and worried. I couldn't imagine something being wrong with this beautiful baby I had just seen on the ultrasound.

Long story short, after a series of monitors and a fetal EKG with a pediatric cardiologist this morning, they assured me they don't think anything is wrong with Dominic's heart and they think perhaps the drops in heart rate the other day were attributed to his position. Huge sigh of relief there! Not completely out of the woods yet though. I meet with a perinatal specialist next Friday the 4th to have a more in depth ultrasound and possible fetal MRI on his brain. My doctor said if the issue doesn't worsen, it could resolve itself before or after birth. If it does worsen, then they may have to induce me early and/or possibly place a shunt in Dominic's brain after birth to reduce the swelling. And then we also have the issue of figuring out what caused the enlargement to begin with. The doctor said the issue could be genetic or physiological or could be caused by another health problem. I'm trying not to stress too much until we have more concrete answers from the specialist, but it's impossible not to. I'm hoping the additional testing is just a precaution and the tests next Friday will go as well as the ones today. I will keep everyone posted as soon as I have more information. I normally don't buy into religion but I sure have been doing a lot of "praying" since I got this news. Regardless of the outcome, Dominic will be here soon and I think he is absolutely perfect!  

"Parenting is a stage of life's journey where the milestones come about every fifty feet."

Oh Boy!

6 more weeks, 6 more weeks, 6 more weeks! Yeah, that's not excitement or anything. Maybe just a little. Not gonna lie, the closer it gets and the more I sit and actually contemplate having a child of my own, the more I start to get nervous. Everyone has said it's a life changing moment and you'll never understand it until you experience it. I think about how much my life has changed already, and I can't even fathom the way I'm going to feel when I see Dominic for the first time. The reality is setting in more and more each day, and it's making me anxious. In a good way, but anxious nonetheless. With such a smooth pregnancy thus far, it's easy to assume that being a parent will be just as easy. But I know it won't be. Good thing I'm a fast learner and I'm more than ready for a challenge. Doctor says I've got a very active, healthy baby growing inside me so I have a feeling I'm going to have my hands full. Bring it on baby! “Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.”

Things are still coming together quite nicely with both of my businesses, TT's Attic and The Alpha Omega Solution. When I first started my businesses I had no idea that being a business owner could be so time consuming and stressful at times. I had always been successful in my previous jobs as a stock broker and mortgage broker. I would start working for a company, figure out how things worked and quickly move up the ladder, often surpassing even my own expectations. But starting your own business is a COMPLETELY different ball game. There is no structure to figure out. There is no ladder to climb. And there are no asses to kiss. Because you create the structure, you build the ladder and it's your ass you want people to be kissing.  When I have days where progress seems slow I remind myself that it's the small victories that matter and that will eventually get me to my goals. If I've come this far and learned so much in less than a years time, I can only imagine the great things in store for the future. At this point I can feel the pieces slowly moving together everyday. I'm sure I'll make more mistakes and get knocked down a few more times along the way, but trial and error is part of process. I'm no longer afraid of change. I will persevere.

 Eventually I will be moving The Baby Mama Chronicles to a different location. I resisted the urge earlier to register a domain and start building a website. I promised myself I would not take on any additional projects until I finish some of the ones I'm already working on, although it's very tempting. My vision is to have a custom Baby Mama Chronicles website with a logo, photo gallery and blog. Hopefully by the end of the year I'll have it up and running, as it will be a great way for everyone to view updates and pictures of Dominic all in one place. Just another one of my many ideas coming soon to an interweb near you. Stay tuned!

I've been missing my BFF, Talese, a lot lately. I have missed her everyday since she left us but some days are worse than others. Her absence has felt a lot more noticeable this past week or so. Sometimes it's hard to be friends with other people after having her in my life because most people just don't measure up. Some days I look at other people and get so disappointed at their poor character, poor decisions and overall lack of caring for other people.  But before I get too discouraged something always happens and I am reminded that there ARE still good people out there, even if they are rare. And I remember that even through all of her trials, Talese never got jaded or bitter. She kept right on loving more people and that's one of the things I loved most about her. She inspires me everyday to keep moving forward and to keep loving people even if they hurt me. Because when you find those rare people like her it makes putting up with all the other ones completely worth it!