No It's Not a Rant...Not Quite...

Happy Halloween (almost)! I can't believe October is nearly over already. I went to a Halloween party for a few hours on Saturday. It was good to get out, but with everything going on this past week I didn't have time to get a costume so I felt out of place. I ended up creating a makeshift cowgirl costume using a cowboy hat, boots and hobby horse. Next Halloween will be more exciting - hopefully I'll have a new place to decorate and a little man to dress up! Too soon to get excited? Never.

I'm not going to rant, because quite frankly I no longer have the energy or desire to focus on the negative at this point in my life. But I do have some comments and observations to make about a few things. I've come to believe that people who lie, tell others what they want to hear and/or string people along often do so to mask their own insecurities. If you happen to be one of those people who showers your friends or potential dates with compliments just to keep them around when you don't really mean it, you should probably take a long hard look at yourself. What that tells me is that you're insecure and so afraid of being by yourself that you'll do whatever it takes to keep people "on the sidelines" so you never have to be alone. True confidence comes in taking a chance on one person or a few people you truly believe in, and accepting the risk that things may not work out. If you need "backup" friends or "dates" you have a serious self esteem issue.  That's not to say there's anything wrong with keeping your options open, because there absolutely isn't. Just be honest about it. Anyone can lie or mislead others to keep people around, but true confidence comes in being honest with others and having them still want you to be around. Lying and stringing people along is for pussies. Stop hiding behind your lies and don't say things you don't mean  - have the balls to lay things on the line and own up to your shit. If you can't do that, don't bother speaking to me. End of my non-rant. "Never make someone a priority who only considers you an option."

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed about my specialist appointment on Friday. I'm hoping my positive thoughts will yield a positive outcome. In the meantime, I'm taking comfort in the little things - each time Dominic moves, looking at all the cute things in his nursery, staring at his picture. I couldn't love this kid more!

The Most Beautiful Baby I've Ever Seen...

I thought long and hard about whether or not to post about this, but decided to go for it since I've had a couple days to think. And after all, that's what I created this blog for in the first place. First things first, I got to see Dominic on the 3D ultrasound the other day! He looks almost exactly as I had pictured him - big lips, huge chubby cheeks, and yes I could even see his hair. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my life. I wish he had been a little more cooperative when the ultrasound tech was taking photos. He had his hands up by his face and looks a bit distorted in the few photos we did get.  But you can still tell how absolutely adorable he is. They estimated his weight to be just over 6 pounds right now, so I've definitely got a good sized baby on my hands.

After I got to see him on the ultrasound, the doctor came in to go over everything with me. The doctor then informed me that she was concerned because one of the ventricles in Dominic's brain was enlarged and the brain was appearing slightly swollen on the ultrasound. Apparently this is a fairly rare issue known as ventriculomegaly. The doctor also expressed concerns about his heart rate because it kept dropping throughout the ultrasound. Up until that point, we hadn't had any issues on previous ultrasounds, tests or fetal heart monitors. This news left me beyond scared, surprised, and worried. I couldn't imagine something being wrong with this beautiful baby I had just seen on the ultrasound.

Long story short, after a series of monitors and a fetal EKG with a pediatric cardiologist this morning, they assured me they don't think anything is wrong with Dominic's heart and they think perhaps the drops in heart rate the other day were attributed to his position. Huge sigh of relief there! Not completely out of the woods yet though. I meet with a perinatal specialist next Friday the 4th to have a more in depth ultrasound and possible fetal MRI on his brain. My doctor said if the issue doesn't worsen, it could resolve itself before or after birth. If it does worsen, then they may have to induce me early and/or possibly place a shunt in Dominic's brain after birth to reduce the swelling. And then we also have the issue of figuring out what caused the enlargement to begin with. The doctor said the issue could be genetic or physiological or could be caused by another health problem. I'm trying not to stress too much until we have more concrete answers from the specialist, but it's impossible not to. I'm hoping the additional testing is just a precaution and the tests next Friday will go as well as the ones today. I will keep everyone posted as soon as I have more information. I normally don't buy into religion but I sure have been doing a lot of "praying" since I got this news. Regardless of the outcome, Dominic will be here soon and I think he is absolutely perfect!  

"Parenting is a stage of life's journey where the milestones come about every fifty feet."

8 1/2 Down, 1 Month To Go...

Tomorrow will be exactly one month from my due date! I know I've said it before but I can't believe how fast time flies by. I can only imagine how fast Dominic is going to grow and how fast time will sneak up on me once he's here. I haven't even seen him yet and I'm already worried about him growing up so fast. I organized all of his little clothes this weekend. I think I may have gone just a bit overboard with his wardrobe - he has over 30 hats already. Soon I'll be looking at all these cute things on the most perfect baby ever, instead of just looking at them sitting in a drawer. Crazy!

I've been missing my friends and family in Utah like crazy these past few weeks. Coming to NY has been extremely beneficial for me in terms of getting my life back together and focusing on business. But I miss my people. I have this overwhelming feeling that I need to get out there and see everyone soon, a few people in particular. I'm really hoping to make a trip to Salt Lake City around Christmas/New Years time. I can't wait - what an epic reunion it will be!

I'm still trying to decide on a costume for a Halloween party this coming Friday - any suggestions? I've been going back and forth between being something cute or something funny. I think funny is going to win this year. Unless I think of something else in the meantime, I'm leaning towards Virgin Mary or a pregnant nun. Sacrilegious? Maybe. But still hilarious in my book. Dominic can be my little "immaculate conception". Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I lost my sense of humor. "It's hard to be funny if you have to be clean"

Full Term! Well Almost...

Just over 5 weeks til my due date and 3 more weeks until I'm considered "full term" - woo hoo! This pregnancy is flying by, I can't believe it's almost time to meet this little baby that's been inhabiting my body for the better part of a year. I have this crazy feeling Dominic will be coming early. I don't know why, as I have no real reason to think that but it's just a hunch. Time to get his crib put together and our hospital bag ready. Is it weird that I'm getting increasingly nervous to leave my house the closer I get to my due date? I have this huge fear of my water breaking in a public place. Yikes!

I have my final ultrasound next week. I can't wait to see what Dominic looks like now that he doesn't resemble an alien so much. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he's in a head down position like a good boy. I really, really, really don't want a C-section. The less down time I have, the happier I will be. Happy mom = happy baby. Soon I'll be writing these posts with a little protege by my side - so damn crazy! "Sometimes the littlest things in life change you forever."

Oh Boy!

6 more weeks, 6 more weeks, 6 more weeks! Yeah, that's not excitement or anything. Maybe just a little. Not gonna lie, the closer it gets and the more I sit and actually contemplate having a child of my own, the more I start to get nervous. Everyone has said it's a life changing moment and you'll never understand it until you experience it. I think about how much my life has changed already, and I can't even fathom the way I'm going to feel when I see Dominic for the first time. The reality is setting in more and more each day, and it's making me anxious. In a good way, but anxious nonetheless. With such a smooth pregnancy thus far, it's easy to assume that being a parent will be just as easy. But I know it won't be. Good thing I'm a fast learner and I'm more than ready for a challenge. Doctor says I've got a very active, healthy baby growing inside me so I have a feeling I'm going to have my hands full. Bring it on baby! “Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.”

Things are still coming together quite nicely with both of my businesses, TT's Attic and The Alpha Omega Solution. When I first started my businesses I had no idea that being a business owner could be so time consuming and stressful at times. I had always been successful in my previous jobs as a stock broker and mortgage broker. I would start working for a company, figure out how things worked and quickly move up the ladder, often surpassing even my own expectations. But starting your own business is a COMPLETELY different ball game. There is no structure to figure out. There is no ladder to climb. And there are no asses to kiss. Because you create the structure, you build the ladder and it's your ass you want people to be kissing.  When I have days where progress seems slow I remind myself that it's the small victories that matter and that will eventually get me to my goals. If I've come this far and learned so much in less than a years time, I can only imagine the great things in store for the future. At this point I can feel the pieces slowly moving together everyday. I'm sure I'll make more mistakes and get knocked down a few more times along the way, but trial and error is part of process. I'm no longer afraid of change. I will persevere.

 Eventually I will be moving The Baby Mama Chronicles to a different location. I resisted the urge earlier to register a domain and start building a website. I promised myself I would not take on any additional projects until I finish some of the ones I'm already working on, although it's very tempting. My vision is to have a custom Baby Mama Chronicles website with a logo, photo gallery and blog. Hopefully by the end of the year I'll have it up and running, as it will be a great way for everyone to view updates and pictures of Dominic all in one place. Just another one of my many ideas coming soon to an interweb near you. Stay tuned!

I've been missing my BFF, Talese, a lot lately. I have missed her everyday since she left us but some days are worse than others. Her absence has felt a lot more noticeable this past week or so. Sometimes it's hard to be friends with other people after having her in my life because most people just don't measure up. Some days I look at other people and get so disappointed at their poor character, poor decisions and overall lack of caring for other people.  But before I get too discouraged something always happens and I am reminded that there ARE still good people out there, even if they are rare. And I remember that even through all of her trials, Talese never got jaded or bitter. She kept right on loving more people and that's one of the things I loved most about her. She inspires me everyday to keep moving forward and to keep loving people even if they hurt me. Because when you find those rare people like her it makes putting up with all the other ones completely worth it!

6 More Weeks Til a Rockstar is Born!

Sigh! I'm glad I finally have a minute to actually post. The past few weeks have been crazy with business growing and me trying to get everything ready for Dominic's arrival. I finally got his nursery bedding over the weekend, and no surprise, changed my mind yet again. I loved the pirate theme I picked out before, but when I found an adorable blue ensemble of a "rockstar" monkey playing a guitar, I knew it was perfect. I also put together his jogging stroller and infant car seat and put them in the car so they are all ready to go! Now I just need to get his room painted, crib put together and a bag packed for the hospital. Hopefully when some of this craziness subsides I'll have time to start blogging on a more regular basis again.

I wish I hadn't procrastinated so much on finding a place to do cord blood banking. I've known I want to do it since my first trimester, but with everything else going on I haven't had much time to weigh my options until now. I really hope I have time to research things a bit more and find a reputable place to  store Dominic's cord blood before it's too late. Has anyone else done cord blood banking and does anyone have any recommendations on a reputable/affordable storage facility?

Today I was forced to make a very difficult decision and cut some people from my life. The whole situation has been a bit discouraging and disappointing to me, although I believe it's for the best. Unfortunately, you can't change other people; you can only change the way you react to them. People are going to hurt you, make you sad and piss you off throughout your life. Sometimes you see it coming and sometimes it's the people you least expect. But no matter what the situation, dwelling on it or letting it get you down serves no purpose. I refuse to become bitter. I refuse to become jaded. I am going to keep on looking for the good in people. I am going to keep making the "right" decisions for myself and my child. And I am going to keep focusing on those rare but amazing people who still give me hope for the human race. "The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck!"

Just Another Controversial Post...

Somewhere in my vast amounts of pregnancy/parenting research, I stumbled upon the controversial topic of vaccinations. Prior to coming across this, I honestly hadn't put much thought into the topic. I had always just accepted that immunizations were a "normal" part of a child's healthcare. But the more I look into the statistics, the more leery I become. Now that's not to say I've become some "hippie" who completely opposes all forms of medicine and won't get my child vaccinated at all. There are certain illnesses I would never want to put Dominic at risk for, and as such I will have him vaccinated against them. I'm simply stating, I think the subject at least warrants some more research before I just consent to whatever the doctor recommends. I spent some time today talking to two different and very educated friends on the subject and I've come to the conclusion that although some immunizations do have more benefit than harm, there are others that might be unnecessary. For example, how many children actually carry a risk of contracting Hepatitis B? Is the number of children who have a reaction from the immunization higher than the rate of infection? What, if any, is the correlation between certain vaccinations and autism? Is there any link between vaccines and an increased rate of SIDS? And what's with the chicken pox vaccine? I never had it, I did get chicken pox as a child and I survived just fine. Some might argue that not getting your child vaccinated is "wrong" or neglectful, but I beg to differ. The only thing that would be "wrong" or neglectful is to not conduct your own research and just blindly accept what your doctor is telling you as fact. How reliable are the pharmaceutical companies anyway? There's a damn pill or shot for EVERYTHING these days. Ever stop to think some of these are just money making machines and might be unnecessary, if not harmful? Being a parent is challenging and scary enough as it is. The least we can do as parents is dedicate a little bit of our time to decide what's best for our children and individual situations. If you're a parent who does the research and you end up deciding you want your child to get all the vaccinations, more power to you. But at least educate yourself so you can make an informed decision. I know I'm going to...

“Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation.”

Cold Weather Blues...

Happy October! I must say, it took every ounce of enthusiasm I had to feign excitement in that statement. I'm actually a really big fan of Halloween season, I've just been feeling lethargic and out of it the last few days. It probably doesn't help that I think I'm coming down with something - my throat hurts, body aches and I've been sneezing like crazy. Business is still making progress like crazy but I can't help and get a little discouraged every now and then. Although my freelancers have helped tremendously  I still have way too much to do and never enough time. I wish I could just clone myself about 5 times. Then things would get done. The right way! If I only had one thing to focus on like most normal people I might be ok, but per usual I take on as many projects as possible and often find myself spread too thin - two businesses, getting ready for baby, trying to plan for upcoming charity and fundraising events, the list goes on. I just keep reminding myself of the light at the end of the tunnel. Someday (hopefully sooner than later) when my businesses are uber-successful and I'm making a difference in the world with my little protege by my side, everything will have been worth it!

It's really disheartening to me that out of ALL the people I know (and I know quite a few) only 5 have found it in their heart to either donate or volunteer their time for this year's Out of the Darkness walk. Now, before I get inundated with excuses as to why YOU can't help, I am fully aware that some people have legitimate reasons for not participating. If that's the case, you're off the hook. But if you just read the last few sentences and still have a guilty conscience, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Donate $5. Hell, donate 3 hours of your time this upcoming Saturday October 8th for a good cause. It won't kill you. In fact, it might save someone else! Donate here or join team "There Is Always Hope". A big thank you to those of you who have donated or are planning to join me for this very important event! “Many small people, in many small places, do many small things, that can alter the face of the world.”

On a more positive note, I received the cutest box full of handmade baby blankets, pillows, and other various items from my younger step brother and sister last week. They are in Salt Lake City and I miss them a lot! It made me smile to know they were thinking of me and Dominic and took the time to make so many cute (and interesting) things. I think the thing that cracked me up the most was the Batman cape my little sis made - she's got the right idea, my kid is obviously going to be a super hero! Thanks Mikey and Sarah! Also wanted to give a big thanks to one of my good friends, Krista, for buying me a prenatal massage gift certificate. It's much needed and I can't wait to use it. When everything else is going wrong, it's nice to know there are still some good people in my life that I can count on.