Bitch Mode - ON

My overwhelming need/desire to bitch and rant is likely related to my aforementioned pregnancy mood swings, but regardless of the underlying reason, that's what this post is dedicated to. So without further ado, I now interrupt your regularly scheduled Baby Mama Chronicles with an airing of my grievances. Any similarities to actual moronic persons is completely intentional.

Grievance #1) Sometimes as adults, we come to a point in our lives when we choose to no longer be friends with certain individuals or groups of people. It may be due to disagreements, lifestyle differences or simply growing apart . There is no reason why situations like this can't be handled in an adult-like manner. Acting like a 14 year old PMS'ing high school bitch does not change the situation or make you look good. When you bad mouth the person to others and continue to stalk them 8 months after the friendship has ended, you are not only wasting your time, but you look like a giant pathetic douche. Call me crazy, but I'd prefer to take the more productive, mature route and move on with my life, look back fondly upon the good memories that took place with the person, wish them the best and let bygones be bygones.  Perhaps if some people didn't exert so much negative energy towards others, they'd lead a more fulfilling life. And their business wouldn't be failing miserably. Oops, did I say that out loud? If you don't like me, then don't join my fucking fan club but constantly stirring the pot and making me the center of your world is completely unnecessary.

Grievance #2) I know how the world turns and it's highly unlikely you'll succeed at pulling the wool over my eyes. This goes for friends, acquaintances and potential suitors. If you're fake, phony, and always tell me what I want to hear that's a huge red flag. I don't have the time or energy to play games so don't attempt it. I'm typically not one to bash on guys because truth be told I relate to guys far better than women in many ways. However, I've heard some epic lines of bullshit recently that both annoyed me and made me laugh. Telling me I'm beautiful or amazing does not make up for acting shady and disappearing 50% of the time. If you're interested, you'll make it a priority to talk to me instead of making excuses as to why you can't. Sending me "maintenance texts" every so often to string me along gets you nowhere. I invented that game and you won't win. Bottom line - actions speak louder than words so if you're interested, shut your damn mouth and SHOW me. Don't waste your time with feeding me a line because I won't bite. Mean what you say and say what you mean. I've been around the block a few times and I've seen this behavior a time or two. Don't flatter yourself - you're not THAT good and I will catch on. And when I do, expect to be called out on your bullshit. "Believe none of what men say, and all of what they do."

Grievance #3) If you don't know how to be a good friend, take a hike. I've learned one too many times that someone can be here today and gone tomorrow. If you love me or care about me, show me. Don't assume I'll always be around. I'd much rather have a handful of close friends than 100 half-assed "friends of convenience." People can say what they want about me, and I'm well aware of my faults, but I'm the friend that will be there to help you move, be a shoulder you can cry on, invite you to Thanksgiving when your own family has turned their back on you and go with you to the doctors when you have a scare, among other things. I just expect the same in return. If that's more than you have to give, kindly remove yourself from my life. I believe true friendships can last over long distances and over many years. If I'm gone for 6 months and you can't find the time to  pick up the phone even once or at least return my call, good riddance. I'm one of the busiest people I know and I ALWAYS make time for the people I care about, no matter how near or far they are. I deserve the same in return and I'm no longer settling for anything less.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming. Thank you and have a splendid day! :)

He's a Growing Machine

Maybe I'm just crazy, but it feels like my child has doubled in size and strength over the last week. What were once small subtle movements at random intervals throughout the day, are now powerful kicks and punches all day (and night) long. He just loves to kick me in the ribs. I can only imagine what these movements are going to feel like as he continues to grow. With just over 11 weeks left, this shit is about to get real!

I took the advice of a few friends and signed up for some "mommy" meetup groups last week. It will give me a chance to socialize with other people while I'm here, and bring Dominic on little play dates once he's born. How exciting! I plan on meeting with the group coordinator next week, and hopefully it will be just what I was looking for.

I'm making some progress on my "to do" list. I finished the book about Talese that I wanted to make for Dominic, now I just need to finish working on the book about my step dad Steve. And I still need to schedule the hospital tour, my prenatal yoga classes and send out my baby shower invites. But I'm making progress so that's a plus. One day at a time...

I've finally given in and decided to hire some contractors to do some "busy work" aka menial tasks for me. If only I had enough faith in other people to allow anyone to do some of my more time consuming, difficult tasks I'd be golden. I suppose I'll evaluate how the contractors do with the easy tasks and take it from there. It's a step forward towards achieving my ever-increasing goals at least. I may not go about business (or anything in my life) the conventional way, but I always end up getting what I want and that's what matters. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not going anywhere and success is my ONLY option! "Unless you're willing to have a go, fail miserably, and have another go, success won't happen."

Hello September!

Wow, I can't believe how fast the summer flew by. But for once, I'm actually looking forward to fall and even winter. Call me crazy, but I think it mostly has to do with my increasing excitement about meeting Dominic. He's getting SO big and his kicks/movements have become much more pronounced in the last couple weeks. We had our 28 week checkup yesterday and they said everything still looks/sounds great! Lets just hope Dominic turns into a head down position within the coming weeks, as he is laying sideways right now. It's still hard to imagine that in the coming months I'll be holding a child of my own. Time to get the last items on my "to do" list done so I'm not stressing out when the time comes to deliver Dominic. The chair I was planning to reupholster doesn't fit in the room with his other baby furniture. I guess for now I'll leave it in the garage and hopefully when we move in the spring, I can find a place with a bigger nursery for him.

Tonight I'm volunteering at the Susan G. Komen "For the Cure" breast cancer awareness booth at the NY state fair for 4 hours. Hopefully I'll be able to meet and network with some other great people! If you're going to the fair tonight stop on by and say hello from 6 to 10 PM.

My birthday is also this month, on September 20th. I can't believe I'm going to be 24 already. I feel so damn old! Can't I just stay this age forever? Getting old scares me. Ah well, you're as young as you feel I suppose and right now I feel fantastic! I think perhaps a trip to the casino is in order for my birthday festivities. It won't be quite the same without the cigars and Jack Daniels, but I'll take it. Oh how I love me some craps and blackjack...

My week "off" was relatively insightful. I came up with some great ideas for the businesses on top of the few things I already had in the works. It's going to take time but I know there's tons of potential. My biggest problem is I really really need help. Even if I didn't sleep at all ever, there aren't enough hours in the day for me to physically do everything that needs to be done. Time to start searching more seriously for some employees, freelancers and even investors. Hopefully by getting out and socializing a bit more, I will meet people who might be able to help in one way or another. Because half the battle with any business is knowing the right people. I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go in reaching my goals but what I do know is I'm making progress everyday, I'm still not giving up, these businesses are going to be HUGE and no one is going to see me coming! “All progress occurs because people dare to be different.”

Frustration and a Sense of Peace...

Another week almost down and closer to my due date. I've been a bit frustrated this week due to the lack of new business coming in at my marketing firm. For a few weeks I had been getting new customer inquiries from national companies left and right but things seem to have slowed down this week. I know every business has it's slow weeks and mine is no exception, but it's driving me crazy pondering what may have caused the sudden decrease in interest. Hmm, time to get creative to see if I can rouse some interest. It would really help if I could find some decent salespeople. I have a tendency to over extend myself sometimes. I know I'm fully capable of continuing to do everything I've been doing (business management, marketing, advertising, sales, you name it). But both of my businesses would be a hell of a lot more effective if I could delegate some of the tasks to other people. Any good salespeople out there looking to sell great services with a reputable company? Anyone? Bueller, Bueller?

In other news, I'm pleased to report that the last two weeks have brought me an unexpected sense of peace with my current situation. I can't explain why, as nothing new has transpired, but I suddenly feel almost 100% okay with the whole baby daddy ordeal (or lack thereof). I really can't pinpoint why the sudden sense of peace, but I'm definitely not complaining. I've known for awhile that I was on the brink of entering a new and completely different phase of my life, and for awhile that scared me. I tried so hard to hang on to some things that really weren't worth hanging onto. But the time is here, I'm not scared anymore and I'm moving on! Don't get me wrong, I'm still keenly aware that raising Dominic without a father figure isn't ideal. But, instead of agonizing and losing sleep over the "whys" and "what ifs" about the "sperm donor's" decision as I had done in the past, I suddenly feel like Dominic and I are in exactly the place we need to be in. That's also not to say that I don't ever think about the "sperm donor", but the thoughts have become fleeting and few and far between. I'm sure there will be days when I feel angry or frustrated, but for the most part I don't even feel resentment towards him anymore. To be honest, I don't really feel anything towards him at all . Sure I had good times with him that I can look back upon fondly, but I truly think mine and Dominic's life will be better off without him. And I've decided never to lie to Dominic about his father. When he's old enough to ask I will tell him the truth. I'll tell him the good things about his father, and hopefully find a way to also explain to him the not so good things. If he wants to know his name, I'll tell him. When he turns 18, if he wants to find him and meet him, that's his choice and I will support him. I think it's best to be completely truthful with him from day one because secrets like that never go to the grave. The "sperm donor" is the one who has to live with his decision and potentially the one who will someday be faced with explaining his decision to his son. On the other hand, I can rest easy knowing I've made the best choices possible for Dominic and that he will never need or want for anything. I'm far from perfect, but I don't have a hard time sleeping at night and that should count for something! "Shake off the "why's" and the "what if's" and rid yourself of confusion. Whatever was - is in the past. Whatever is? That’s what's important. The past is a brief reflection, and the future is yet to be realized."

Dominic The World Traveler...

Well, I made it nearly to the 7 month mark without having to buy maternity clothes. But I'm now down to only 8 or 9 articles of clothing I can wear comfortably in my new pregnancy body. I suppose it may be time to stop procrastinating and actually get on that maternity shopping I've been talking about for so long. I'll add it to my "to do list". Yeah, that same list that seems to be getting longer everyday. It seems like every time I check something off the "to do list", I think of 2 or 3 more things that need to be added! Still need to finish reupholstering the chair for Dominic's room, get my baby shower invitations printed and sent out, plan 1 or 2 fundraisers before the Out of the Darkness Walk in October, get started on my prenatal yoga classes, schedule a tour of the maternity ward at the hospital, and finish writing Dominic's baby books about Steve and Talese. And that's on top of working a minimum of 8 hours a day on my businesses and taking enough time out to relax and sleep somewhere in between! I think I need more time in the day. Or a personal assistant. Ooooh, a personal assistant would be SO nice...

Once Dominic is about 6 months old and I'm able to hire people to manage the day to day functions of my businesses for me,  I'd like to start traveling again. With Dominic of course. Now of course I know I'll get the naysayers bitching and moaning "he's too young to travel" or "what a waste of money" or "he won't even remember traveling at that age."
My response to that would be "bullshit", "it's my money to waste" and "so what." Life does not stop because I'm having a child. Life CHANGES because I'm having a child and I'm perfectly ready for that to happen. But why not take the first few years after Dominic's born before he starts school and take him places that I've always wanted to go? I'm sure as hell not going to be one of those parents who leaves him for long stretches of time with a babysitter and I see absolutely no reason why he can't come with me. Odds are he won't remember most of our adventures at that age, but it will make for some great stories to tell his friends when he's older. And I'll obviously take him back to many of these places again once he's old enough to appreciate it. Now that's not to say I'm going to backpack through Europe or something crazy like that with a newborn. Dominic will obviously have stability in his life. I'm talking about 1-2 week trips a few times a year to different places. One of the first places I want to take him next year is Ireland. Talese's family is from Belfast and I was hoping to go with them this September as they spread her ashes along Whitepark Bay in northern Ireland. But obviously with me going into my 3rd trimester this September, I had to rearrange my plans. My new goal is to make a trip over there sometime at the end of summer/early fall 2012 to check out the amazing culture and scenery, and of course pay my respects to my beautiful best friend. I'm very much looking forward to my world travels with my new little man. And quite frankly, I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about it! "The question isn't who is going to let me, the question is who is going to stop me!"

Excitement and a Wee Bit of Anxiety...

This will be my last full week of my 2nd trimester. Mid-next week I'll officially be in the third trimester of my pregnancy - woo hoo! I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has flown by so far. I'm growing increasingly excited , terrified and a wee bit impatient. I'm beyond elated and excited to finally meet my little man and start this next phase of our lives together. But as my due date draws nearer, I'm getting a little bit intimidated at the prospect of being the sole guardian of a little tiny human. It's not the financial aspect that scares me or even the lifestyle changes, but the fact that every little decision I make will shape who he becomes. Also playing into the equation is the fact that Dominic's father is not in the picture and the sole responsibility of making sure he turns out OK is on me. I know I'm fully capable of being a great mom and I'm more than willing to learn. I suppose I just have a bit of anxiety because this will be a completely new role for me and one that I have very little experience in. Hell, before I found out I was expecting I'd never really even babysat before! I've also never changed a diaper and have been made fun of in the past for holding babies like footballs! I hope all of these pregnancy/parenting books I've been reading will prove to be helpful. And the rest I'll just have to learn through experience. Good thing I'm a fast learner! “We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching.”