Ms. Feisty Is Back!

I really wish I had more time to post regularly on here. If I wasn't working until 1 AM every day I would be all over it. I realize most people have absolutely no idea what I do on a daily basis so I figured I would elaborate. Now of course it depends on the day, but a "typical" day consists of; managing my businesses and clients social media pages, optimizing my web sites for SEO, working on building up my sales teams, managing my interns, revising my training process, promoting my upcoming fashion show/fundraiser, writing press releases, doing e-mail marketing, researching/buying new inventory, and working on new designs for the boutique, just to name a few. It makes me cringe every time people ask me when I'm going to "start looking for a job". Yes, there are actually ignorant people out there who assume I do nothing just because THEY don't understand what I do. No, I'm not sitting home in my pajamas watching TV all day. No, I'm not trying to do a "get rich quick scheme." Yes, I run two legitimate businesses. Yes, I work 8 - 12 hours on an average day. Yes, I do make money. And yes, both of my businesses are absolutely still works in progress with a lot of room left to grow. Just thought I would clear that up for a few folks. Hopefully getting that off my chest will ward off an impending meltdown next time someone makes the assumption that because I am "self employed" that means I am "unemployed". I am in fact very much employed, thank you very much.

It's been a long time coming but the feisty Blair everyone knows and loves is back. Watch out world! I've said it before and I'll say it again, my motto for 2012 is "Go big or go home!" I've got some great things in progress, and I just can't wait to prove a few people wrong once they come to fruition. Those of you who doubt me only motivate me more so, by all means,  keep the condescension coming. Not sure where the sudden pent up aggression has come from, but I like it. I think it's just what I needed to light a fire under my ass (in case I wasn't motivated enough already). I refuse to accept anything less than the best from this point forward. Word to the wise - I won't forgot those of you who believed in me or those of you who tried to bring me down. End of story. "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but true friends will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

On another note, Dominic has gone through a sudden "growth spurt" for lack of better terminology. He can hold his head up quite well, he can roll from his belly to his back, he can prop himself up on his elbows, he can hold a rattle, he can make the "g" and "b" sounds, and follow a voice when someone enters a room. My kid is a genius, that's all there is to it. And he just keeps getting cuter everyday. His new favorite thing is batting his eyelashes at me. It amazes me how I love him more every single second I'm with him. He truly is the best part of my day every single day. It's difficult for me to fathom how such an amazing, perfect, sweet little person came from such a complete and utter ignoramus of a sperm donor (see previous paragraph about sudden pent up aggression). I know this much - Dominic is going to by 100 times the man Steve is (yeah the cat's out of the bag, baby daddy's name is Steve). I'm breaking the "dead beat dad" cycle or I'll die trying.

Guess Who's Back!?

After nine months of pregnancy and an exhausting first week of parenting, I'm beyond excited to announce that Blair is back! I was so worried I would lose myself and my edge upon having Dominic, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Now that my little man and I have gotten into somewhat of a routine, I've been able to start focusing on moving forward with work again. I interviewed my first group of interns this week and things look very promising. Having an addition 5-10 set of hands and fresh ideas for the businesses should be just what the doctor ordered. I became a bit antisocial during pregnancy, but I'm ready to get back in the swing of things now. I'm ready to get out and network with people, ready to travel the world with my protege, and ready to start my new life with amazing people by my side. I haven't felt this optimistic about things in a long time. It feels like months and months of hard work is finally coming together. I know I still have a long way to go, but everything is worth is at the end of the day when I get to cuddle up with the cutest baby in the world.


I debated for the last 3 months of my pregnancy whether or not I should send photos and details about Dominic's birth to his sperm donor. I'm still not sure if I made the right decision, but I opted to send them a few days ago. I've yet to receive a response and I don't expect one, but at least now I can tell Dominic someday that I did everything in my power to try and facilitate a relationship between him and his father. There can never be the excuse "I didn't know when he was born" or anything equally as ridiculous. How he could see photos of this beautiful, perfect baby and not even make an attempt is beyond me. I suspect he may be living in denial. But I guess there are some things in life I will never understand. All of my attempts have been recorded and now I can wash my hands of the situation knowing I did everything I could. I am beginning to believe that things truly do happen for a reason and maybe the only purpose he served in my life was to give me Dominic. Perhaps there is someone out there who will be a better father figure for Dominic someday. And fortunately because I didn't put the sperm donor on his birth certificate, it will be that much easier for someone to step into that role  if and when they come along. But that's enough about that. Onward and upward! “Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair.  However we must keep smiling & moving on.”

Dominic had his two week checkup today. Holy smokes has he grown! Last Tuesday he had a brief doctor visit so his pediatrician could check his weight after leaving the hospital. At that point he had lost 8 ounces and was down to 7 lbs 4 ounces. Today, just over a week later, he was up to 8 lbs 12 ounces! Lets just say he's a good eater.  It appears I have a very healthy (and chubby) baby on my hands and I could not be more grateful!

Frustration and a Sense of Peace...

Another week almost down and closer to my due date. I've been a bit frustrated this week due to the lack of new business coming in at my marketing firm. For a few weeks I had been getting new customer inquiries from national companies left and right but things seem to have slowed down this week. I know every business has it's slow weeks and mine is no exception, but it's driving me crazy pondering what may have caused the sudden decrease in interest. Hmm, time to get creative to see if I can rouse some interest. It would really help if I could find some decent salespeople. I have a tendency to over extend myself sometimes. I know I'm fully capable of continuing to do everything I've been doing (business management, marketing, advertising, sales, you name it). But both of my businesses would be a hell of a lot more effective if I could delegate some of the tasks to other people. Any good salespeople out there looking to sell great services with a reputable company? Anyone? Bueller, Bueller?

In other news, I'm pleased to report that the last two weeks have brought me an unexpected sense of peace with my current situation. I can't explain why, as nothing new has transpired, but I suddenly feel almost 100% okay with the whole baby daddy ordeal (or lack thereof). I really can't pinpoint why the sudden sense of peace, but I'm definitely not complaining. I've known for awhile that I was on the brink of entering a new and completely different phase of my life, and for awhile that scared me. I tried so hard to hang on to some things that really weren't worth hanging onto. But the time is here, I'm not scared anymore and I'm moving on! Don't get me wrong, I'm still keenly aware that raising Dominic without a father figure isn't ideal. But, instead of agonizing and losing sleep over the "whys" and "what ifs" about the "sperm donor's" decision as I had done in the past, I suddenly feel like Dominic and I are in exactly the place we need to be in. That's also not to say that I don't ever think about the "sperm donor", but the thoughts have become fleeting and few and far between. I'm sure there will be days when I feel angry or frustrated, but for the most part I don't even feel resentment towards him anymore. To be honest, I don't really feel anything towards him at all . Sure I had good times with him that I can look back upon fondly, but I truly think mine and Dominic's life will be better off without him. And I've decided never to lie to Dominic about his father. When he's old enough to ask I will tell him the truth. I'll tell him the good things about his father, and hopefully find a way to also explain to him the not so good things. If he wants to know his name, I'll tell him. When he turns 18, if he wants to find him and meet him, that's his choice and I will support him. I think it's best to be completely truthful with him from day one because secrets like that never go to the grave. The "sperm donor" is the one who has to live with his decision and potentially the one who will someday be faced with explaining his decision to his son. On the other hand, I can rest easy knowing I've made the best choices possible for Dominic and that he will never need or want for anything. I'm far from perfect, but I don't have a hard time sleeping at night and that should count for something! "Shake off the "why's" and the "what if's" and rid yourself of confusion. Whatever was - is in the past. Whatever is? That’s what's important. The past is a brief reflection, and the future is yet to be realized."

Shitty Parents Beware

I debated on whether or not to get on my so-called "soapbox" and write this post or to refrain. Looks like writing this post won. Before I say anything else, I would just like to say that yes, I am aware that I'm a first time parent and no, I'm not by any means an expert on parenting. But I am entitled to some observations and an opinion. With that being said, I would just like to go on the record as stating how much I loathe, detest and despise shitty parents. By my definition, a shitty parent is anyone who can't or doesn't make time for their kids, anyone who constantly leaves their kids with babysitters to go out and "party", anyone (mainly women) who use their kids as money making machines in order to get child support, anyone who walks around in expensive clothes while their children are dressed in clothes that are dirty and pants 2 inches too short, and most of all anyone who willfully abandons their child. These are children, not puppies, and whatever you do (or don't do) as parents shapes the people they will become. If you can't step it up and set a decent example for your children, keep your damn pants on and stop procreating! Deadbeat parents are the scum of the earth in my book (and yes, I may be a bit biased due to my current situation). Even before I was on the brink of having a child and dealing with my son's sad excuse for a father, I was never able to tolerate bad parents. In fact, I even stopped being friends with certain people because I couldn't bear to stand by and watch the neglectful behavior towards their children. How anyone can stand by and enable/support friends (or even family members) who don't take care of their children is beyond me. Then again, I guess some people choose their friends based on who tells them what they want to hear and who they can go get drunk with. Personally, I prefer to surround myself with quality people who add something to my life - now there's an idea! I was lucky enough to be blessed with THREE wonderful parents, and I can only hope that my parenting skills will rival those of my mom, dad and step-dad. A big thank you to my three parents for raising me to be the person I am today! "Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them."

On another note, I created my team for this years Out of the Darkness Walk for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. My team, "there is always hope", was created in loving memory of my best friend Talese Turner. I really hope to get a good turn out this year and to get some good donations. My team goal for donations is $1500 which I think is very reasonable. I would like to get a team of at least 15 people put together so we can start doing fundraisers leading up to the event in October. I have a few ideas in mind already and I'm excited to see how it will all come together. If you don't already have plans for October 8th and you're in the central NY area, please please please join my team and help us support a great cause. I promise it's more important than sleeping in or anything else you could be doing on a Saturday morning because you could help save a life! Once I have the team members established, I would like to order t-shirts for the event. I'm still in the process of designing a logo for the team, but I have a couple rough drafts worked up. I'll post pictures, suggestions are welcomed :)

The Long Road Ahead...

Spent the last few days stuck at home sick with the flu. Being sick sucks enough normally without the added worry of stressing about Dominic being ok. It also kinda sucks not being able to take most medications. I did end up taking 2 Tylenol yesterday, which were on my approved list of "safe" medications by my doctor. I hate taking anything unless it's absolutely necessary because I get paranoid about the potential effects to Dominic, but there was no way I would have been able to get comfortable or fall asleep with taking something to relieve the back pain. Still not feeling 100% today, but leaps and bounds better by comparison to yesterday. And Dominic was doing all sorts of somersaults this morning so that eased some of my worry and made me smile.

Went to see my attorney in NY last week about some business matters and ended up discussing the whole custody/sperm donor situation with him. According to the research I did on my own, under Utah state law, the "father" (and I use that term loosely) has the right to petition the court to sign over his parental rights. In order to do so, he must prove he's not trying to avoid any financial obligation and that the decision is in the best interest of the child. I was under the impression that as long as I was on board with this decision and wasn't asking for anything financially, it would be a no-brainer for the courts to honor this request. However, my attorney seems to think it won't be that easy. He's going to delve more into the Utah state law this week, but he said typically the courts won't allow either parent to give up legal responsibility of the child (regardless of why) unless the child is in imminent danger or unless there is someone else wanting to adopt the child. Looks like I might have a more difficult road ahead of me than I anticipated. In any case, I just want what's best for Dominic. If that means the sperm donor finally stepping up and being a good dad like he is to his daughter, then great. Or if that means us fighting the court to keep him out of Dominic's life, that's fine too. I just want to avoid any situations where sperm donor comes walking back into his life after years of not being around. For now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that someone will make the right decision - be it sperm donor or the Utah courts.

"Tough times never last, but tough people do."