Just Another Day In Paradise...

Damn, it felt good to take the weekend off from work. I'd like to make a habit out of it but there's a fat chance of that happening with all of the upcoming business events I have planned. I've found venues for my upcoming marketing seminar and fashion fundraiser. Now on to the fun part - planning and marketing! I swear I'm more nervous about signing the contracts to secure the event venues than I was when I closed on my house! Oh well, time to push those fears aside and move forward. The show must go on!

Spent the weekend hanging with the family and cuddling my little man. These are the things that I look forward to most now as a mommy. I FINALLY got around to starting Dominic's baby book, just need to add pictures and I'll be all caught up. Yay me. Unfortunately my weekend ended with me feeling a bit under the weather today. Stuffy nose, body aches and super tired - yuck! Here's to hoping I feel better tomorrow morning and I can start the week off on a positive note.

Been thinking a lot lately about how fortunate I am to have such great parents. Sure they may annoy me at times, but I'm always very grateful of how supportive they've been through the last few years. My life has changed so much but the one thing I can always count on is them. I definitely wouldn't be where I am today without them and I love them very much. Some people aren't so lucky to have two great parents. Case in point, Dominic. I'm doing my best to make his life as perfect as possible, but no matter what I do it will never take the place of having another loving parent. For the most part I don't think about it too much,  but I've been wondering a lot lately how this will affect him once he gets older and starts to ask questions. I'm mostly concerned because I can't begin to fathom how it feels not having two loving parents and I feel like I won't be able to relate to him. Ironically, one of the people who knows what he'll be going through and could relate to him (his father) is the same person who put him in this situation. Oh, the irony! I guess I'll cross this bridge when I come to it.  "Some things were never meant to be no matter how much we wish they were."

Guess Who's Back!?

After nine months of pregnancy and an exhausting first week of parenting, I'm beyond excited to announce that Blair is back! I was so worried I would lose myself and my edge upon having Dominic, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Now that my little man and I have gotten into somewhat of a routine, I've been able to start focusing on moving forward with work again. I interviewed my first group of interns this week and things look very promising. Having an addition 5-10 set of hands and fresh ideas for the businesses should be just what the doctor ordered. I became a bit antisocial during pregnancy, but I'm ready to get back in the swing of things now. I'm ready to get out and network with people, ready to travel the world with my protege, and ready to start my new life with amazing people by my side. I haven't felt this optimistic about things in a long time. It feels like months and months of hard work is finally coming together. I know I still have a long way to go, but everything is worth is at the end of the day when I get to cuddle up with the cutest baby in the world.


I debated for the last 3 months of my pregnancy whether or not I should send photos and details about Dominic's birth to his sperm donor. I'm still not sure if I made the right decision, but I opted to send them a few days ago. I've yet to receive a response and I don't expect one, but at least now I can tell Dominic someday that I did everything in my power to try and facilitate a relationship between him and his father. There can never be the excuse "I didn't know when he was born" or anything equally as ridiculous. How he could see photos of this beautiful, perfect baby and not even make an attempt is beyond me. I suspect he may be living in denial. But I guess there are some things in life I will never understand. All of my attempts have been recorded and now I can wash my hands of the situation knowing I did everything I could. I am beginning to believe that things truly do happen for a reason and maybe the only purpose he served in my life was to give me Dominic. Perhaps there is someone out there who will be a better father figure for Dominic someday. And fortunately because I didn't put the sperm donor on his birth certificate, it will be that much easier for someone to step into that role  if and when they come along. But that's enough about that. Onward and upward! “Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair.  However we must keep smiling & moving on.”

Dominic had his two week checkup today. Holy smokes has he grown! Last Tuesday he had a brief doctor visit so his pediatrician could check his weight after leaving the hospital. At that point he had lost 8 ounces and was down to 7 lbs 4 ounces. Today, just over a week later, he was up to 8 lbs 12 ounces! Lets just say he's a good eater.  It appears I have a very healthy (and chubby) baby on my hands and I could not be more grateful!

You're Evicted!

I've just about decided it's time to evict Dominic. Pregnancy has been lovely, but I'm ready to have my little man in my arms and not my belly. I want my body back. Pretty sure he "dropped" about 3 days ago, because I can feel it in my inner thighs and all over. Getting out of bed and bending over is becoming a chore. And I waddle when I walk. Come on baby, don't make me wait any longer!

Everything is ready for the big arrival. Crib is put together. Car seat, stroller and hospital bag are in the car and ready to go. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I still can't believe how fast these 9 months have flown by. I never did get to do the pre-natal yoga class, but that's ok. I've come to realize that I'm only one person and even I have my limitations. Dominic has everything he needs (and then some!) so that's what really matters. I just can't wait to kiss his beautiful little face!

Still keeping my fingers crossed for a natural delivery. The less down time, the better. I don't think I'm going to take any "official" time off work. Yes, I know I'll have to slow down for a bit but I see no reason why I can't at least get some work done while Dominic is asleep. I guess I'll just play it by ear. I'm also in a big hurry to get back in shape. Not that I'm concerned with the baby weight I put on (19 lbs total) because it's barely crossed my mind at all and all things considered I look pretty good. But I don't want to be one of those people who has a baby and then all the sudden looks sub-par. Having a baby? Awesome! Having a post-baby "mom" body? Not so much!

"A new baby is like the beginning of all things. Hope. A dream of possibilities."

Private School vs Public School

Giddy up for Fridays! What a busy week - I am in definite need of a couple days off. And by "days off" I mean me most likely still working because I have a hard time not working for any length of time. I had my 32 week check up yesterday. Doc says Dominic still sounds great, heartbeat was 150 and he is still measuring perfectly for his due date. But I'm not surprised - this is one perfect child in the making!

Among many other things, I've been putting a lot of thought into Dominic's education. Yes, I'm fully aware he's not even here yet and he won't be going to school for another five years after that. But it's always good to have a plan for the future even if that plan changes along the way. I've been looking into private schools all over the country so I can see what all of his options are. I have nothing against public schools. Hell, I went to public school and got along just fine. But quite frankly the state of some public schools these days scares the hell out of me. And who knows where the education system will be in another five years when Dominic is ready for school. As long as I have the financial means when the time comes, I see nothing wrong with giving him an opportunity I didn't have. I always wanted to go to private school growing up, I even went and interviewed at Choate Rosemary Hall in Connecticut when I was in 8th grade. It just wasn't feasible for me to be able to go. Before anyone gets started, I'm well aware that there's a fine line between encouraging Dominic to be successful and pushing my dreams on him. I'll support him no matter who he is or what he decides to do. And no, I don't want him to ever been one of those spoiled rich kids who gets everything handed to him on a silver platter. Nothing annoys me more than people who have a sense of entitlement. But is there really anything so wrong with giving him all the resources possible to be successful? And what's so bad about hoping he goes to Harvard!? ;)

“It is one thing to show your child the way, and a harder thing to then stand out of it.”

I'm Baaack!

As you may have noticed, I took a bit of a hiatus from posting this week. I had a million things going on and no time or motivation to post by the time I was done with everything at the end of the day. I finally feel like I'm back on track after today. The last half of this week I had horrible insomnia which led to me being relatively useless and not as productive as I'd have liked. I get cranky when I go three days without sleep. But I got caught up on my sleep last night and now I'm back in the game!

Finally scheduled the tour of the maternity ward at the hospital and got my baby shower invitations out (well, all but 5 of them that need to go out Monday). Sometimes I'm such a procrastinator. The shower is next Saturday - how exciting! I can't wait to see how it all comes together. My 24th birthday is this Tuesday, so I'll probably also celebrate my birthday on Saturday after the shower. Hopefully I'll be able to make a trip to the casino with the girls. Then on Sunday, I'm having my TT's Attic fall boutique sale and fundraiser. The goal is to get rid of as much inventory as possible so I can put the money into the plans for the completely revamped TT's Attic, and also to raise money for my Out of the Darkness team. If you're in the central NY area, please stop by and help us raise money for a good cause!

Had a 30 week checkup yesterday and according to doc, Dominic still looks/sounds great. His heartbeat is strong and steady. And I didn't gain any weight since my last appointment two weeks ago, so I definitely can't complain about that!

I think I've started nesting. I used to think nesting was a made up thing that pregnant women conjured up. But starting about a week ago, I suddenly started to feel very pressured to get everything done. I feel almost as if I'm working under a deadline that wasn't there before. I feel pressure to get business ramped up, I feel pressure to get everything in Dominic's nursery arranged perfectly, I feel pressure to finish the remaining things on my "to do" list. Barring an early arrival, I have 10 weeks left and still a ton of stuff to do.  Here's to hoping I can get it all done and not lose my mind in the process. Before I know it, I'll no longer be an expectant mama, but instead a proud mama. I can't wait to see my little man and I just want everything to be perfect!

“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

Just Another One of My Rants...

I debated internally as to whether or not I should post this, but per usual I said, "what the hell, why not?" I'm sure this post will likely piss off at least one or two people, but that's nothing new. In talking to a friend last week, I realized just how much I despise lazy people. Not that I didn't know before, but it really kinda dawned on me during the conversation that lazy people absolutely disgust me. Especially lazy pregnant women. Now before anyone gets all worked up, I understand pregnant women need to reduce stress and get rest during pregnancy (myself included). And this obviously doesn't apply to women who have a valid medical reason for being on bed rest.  However, in most situations, carrying a child doesn't give anyone the right to turn into a useless pile of crap for 9 months. There is absolutely no reason why pregnant women can't continue on with normal lives, work, run errands, socialize with friends and do most of the activities they did pre-pregnancy. I also feel the same way about pregnant women who think it's okay to just eat fried grease for 9 months because they are "pregnant not fat." You all know the type of person I'm talking about. The same pregnant girl who can't lift a finger around the house because she is "with child." Don't get me wrong, I love my chocolate cake as much as the next pregnant girl and I've never dieted in my life, but use some common sense and make good choices for your child. Turning into a heffer is NOT a prerequisite for child birth.  My point is, some people take the whole "I'm pregnant" excuse to an extreme. In my opinion, it's pregnant women like I just described that give pregnant women everywhere a bad name. Pregnancy is a wonderful, beautiful thing, yada yada yada but it shouldn't make anyone feel entitled to act like a raging lazy moron. Bottom line, if you can't get off your ass and make healthy choices and stay active during pregnancy, how the hell are you going to do it for your child once he or she is here? Something to think about...
"Human nature is above all things lazy."

He's a Growing Machine

Maybe I'm just crazy, but it feels like my child has doubled in size and strength over the last week. What were once small subtle movements at random intervals throughout the day, are now powerful kicks and punches all day (and night) long. He just loves to kick me in the ribs. I can only imagine what these movements are going to feel like as he continues to grow. With just over 11 weeks left, this shit is about to get real!

I took the advice of a few friends and signed up for some "mommy" meetup groups last week. It will give me a chance to socialize with other people while I'm here, and bring Dominic on little play dates once he's born. How exciting! I plan on meeting with the group coordinator next week, and hopefully it will be just what I was looking for.

I'm making some progress on my "to do" list. I finished the book about Talese that I wanted to make for Dominic, now I just need to finish working on the book about my step dad Steve. And I still need to schedule the hospital tour, my prenatal yoga classes and send out my baby shower invites. But I'm making progress so that's a plus. One day at a time...

I've finally given in and decided to hire some contractors to do some "busy work" aka menial tasks for me. If only I had enough faith in other people to allow anyone to do some of my more time consuming, difficult tasks I'd be golden. I suppose I'll evaluate how the contractors do with the easy tasks and take it from there. It's a step forward towards achieving my ever-increasing goals at least. I may not go about business (or anything in my life) the conventional way, but I always end up getting what I want and that's what matters. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not going anywhere and success is my ONLY option! "Unless you're willing to have a go, fail miserably, and have another go, success won't happen."

Frustration and a Sense of Peace...

Another week almost down and closer to my due date. I've been a bit frustrated this week due to the lack of new business coming in at my marketing firm. For a few weeks I had been getting new customer inquiries from national companies left and right but things seem to have slowed down this week. I know every business has it's slow weeks and mine is no exception, but it's driving me crazy pondering what may have caused the sudden decrease in interest. Hmm, time to get creative to see if I can rouse some interest. It would really help if I could find some decent salespeople. I have a tendency to over extend myself sometimes. I know I'm fully capable of continuing to do everything I've been doing (business management, marketing, advertising, sales, you name it). But both of my businesses would be a hell of a lot more effective if I could delegate some of the tasks to other people. Any good salespeople out there looking to sell great services with a reputable company? Anyone? Bueller, Bueller?

In other news, I'm pleased to report that the last two weeks have brought me an unexpected sense of peace with my current situation. I can't explain why, as nothing new has transpired, but I suddenly feel almost 100% okay with the whole baby daddy ordeal (or lack thereof). I really can't pinpoint why the sudden sense of peace, but I'm definitely not complaining. I've known for awhile that I was on the brink of entering a new and completely different phase of my life, and for awhile that scared me. I tried so hard to hang on to some things that really weren't worth hanging onto. But the time is here, I'm not scared anymore and I'm moving on! Don't get me wrong, I'm still keenly aware that raising Dominic without a father figure isn't ideal. But, instead of agonizing and losing sleep over the "whys" and "what ifs" about the "sperm donor's" decision as I had done in the past, I suddenly feel like Dominic and I are in exactly the place we need to be in. That's also not to say that I don't ever think about the "sperm donor", but the thoughts have become fleeting and few and far between. I'm sure there will be days when I feel angry or frustrated, but for the most part I don't even feel resentment towards him anymore. To be honest, I don't really feel anything towards him at all . Sure I had good times with him that I can look back upon fondly, but I truly think mine and Dominic's life will be better off without him. And I've decided never to lie to Dominic about his father. When he's old enough to ask I will tell him the truth. I'll tell him the good things about his father, and hopefully find a way to also explain to him the not so good things. If he wants to know his name, I'll tell him. When he turns 18, if he wants to find him and meet him, that's his choice and I will support him. I think it's best to be completely truthful with him from day one because secrets like that never go to the grave. The "sperm donor" is the one who has to live with his decision and potentially the one who will someday be faced with explaining his decision to his son. On the other hand, I can rest easy knowing I've made the best choices possible for Dominic and that he will never need or want for anything. I'm far from perfect, but I don't have a hard time sleeping at night and that should count for something! "Shake off the "why's" and the "what if's" and rid yourself of confusion. Whatever was - is in the past. Whatever is? That’s what's important. The past is a brief reflection, and the future is yet to be realized."

Excitement and a Wee Bit of Anxiety...

This will be my last full week of my 2nd trimester. Mid-next week I'll officially be in the third trimester of my pregnancy - woo hoo! I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has flown by so far. I'm growing increasingly excited , terrified and a wee bit impatient. I'm beyond elated and excited to finally meet my little man and start this next phase of our lives together. But as my due date draws nearer, I'm getting a little bit intimidated at the prospect of being the sole guardian of a little tiny human. It's not the financial aspect that scares me or even the lifestyle changes, but the fact that every little decision I make will shape who he becomes. Also playing into the equation is the fact that Dominic's father is not in the picture and the sole responsibility of making sure he turns out OK is on me. I know I'm fully capable of being a great mom and I'm more than willing to learn. I suppose I just have a bit of anxiety because this will be a completely new role for me and one that I have very little experience in. Hell, before I found out I was expecting I'd never really even babysat before! I've also never changed a diaper and have been made fun of in the past for holding babies like footballs! I hope all of these pregnancy/parenting books I've been reading will prove to be helpful. And the rest I'll just have to learn through experience. Good thing I'm a fast learner! “We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching.”

I'm Unstoppable!

What a week and it's only Wednesday! In the last three days alone, I have been extremely productive and my businesses have made progress by leaps and bounds. Now that I've got the ball rolling, I have no doubt that my momentum is going to keep building. I still have a long way to go in accomplishing all my goals and visions for both of my very different businesses, but each day I'm getting one step closer. I'm beyond excited to see what the next 3, 6, 12 months are going to bring. Whoever said that getting pregnant was going to slow me down or kill my ambitions obviously doesn't know me very well! If anything, I'm more motivated now than ever to be able to provide a comfortable life for me and Dominic. One where I'll be able to spend most of my time at home or doing things with him instead of being controlled by "the man" in a job that I hate. One where I'll be able to take him on vacations and enroll him in a good private school. That's the type of life we're going to have because I'm not slowing down, I'm not giving up and I will NOT settle for less than success. This mama is an unstoppable force! "I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."


On another note, I finally set a date for my baby shower. The big day will be Saturday, September 24th, from 10:30 AM to 1:30 PM at Battle Island golf course club house. I decided I'd go with something a little different and do a brunch - how can ya beat breakfast food and lunch food? You can't! Now I just need to finalize a theme. I'd like to find something that matches Dominic's nursery theme and that will look good with sunflowers. Better get back to looking...

Hello Again Insomnia...

I am officially past the 6 month mark! I'm 24 weeks pregnant as of this past Thursday so just 3 and a half more months to go until I get to meet Dominic - woo hoo! I'm still feeling great. No sickness, insomnia, aches or pains. This is actually the best I've felt in a long time. It's amazing how small changes to your lifestyle can make such a huge difference in your overall well being. My only complaint would be my horrible insomnia this past week. I haven't been able to get a decent nights sleep to save my life. I've had too much on my mind and no matter how hard I try my brain won't shut off long enough for me to fall asleep. I need to learn how to let things go that I have no control over. It's a work in progress. Hopefully this week will bring a few more restful nights. "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

In addition to all the changes I'm implementing to my two businesses, TT's Attic and The Alpha Omega Solution, I've also been busy filling my schedule with various charity events. On September 2nd I'm volunteering for four hours at the Susan G. Komen breast cancer booth at the NY State Fair. I figured it would be time well spent on a great cause and a way to meet and network with other like-minded people in this area. Also on the agenda is the Ride for Life against child abuse, The Out of the Darkness Walk for suicide prevention and the Ronald McDonald House gala dinner. I'm hoping to schedule at least two fundraisers to raise money for my team before the Out of the Darkness Walk on October 8th. Again, if you're going to be in the central NY area PLEASE join Team "There Is Always Hope" in memory of Talese Turner to raise awareness for suicide prevention. If you can't join us for the event, at least spare a few dollars to help save a life. The life you save could be YOUR best friend, daughter, mother or sibling. Donate to Team "There Is Always Hope"

Lead Me Not Into Temptation....

I've been really good about my diet and avoiding certain things during my pregnancy. I cut out my coffee, energy drink and alcohol intake cold turkey as soon as I found out I was expecting and haven't looked back. Until the other day. I couldn't resist the urge to have a cup of coffee. My doctor has said that caffeine in limited quantities won't harm Dominic, so I gave in to my temptation. Quite frankly it made me feel a bit jittery. But it tasted oh so good. I suppose getting pregnant was one way to break my caffeine addiction! I think I'll hold off on having a second cup until after Dominic is born. Don't get me wrong, I miss my coffee but I kinda felt like a bad mama for drinking a cup with a baby on the way.  My, how things have changed...

I'm hoping to be able to make a trip out to Utah before Dominic is born, although at this point it's looking iffy. I would love to be able to see everyone one last time before I officially become a mama. And I have a bin full of baby stuff in my storage unit that will go completely unused if I can't find a way to get it back to NY with me before his arrival. I painted a little baby box for Dominic the week I found out I was pregnant. It contains his very first ultrasound photos and my positive pregnancy test. I suppose even if I don't get my baby bin back here in time, someday after I move my stuff out of storage I'll be able to show him the box I made him when he was but a wee 8 week old fetus. If I'm able to make it out there before his arrival, great and if not, I guess it's not worth stressing about. I can only do so much in a limited amount of time.

It's been brought to my attention yet again that sometimes you have to let go of certain people and things in your past in order to move forward to what's waiting for you in the future. I've learned this many times throughout my life, but every now and then I need a reminder. I was reminded of this again today and I'm glad. I will always cherish the memories I've had with certain people but will no longer allow myself to dwell on someone or something that may never come to fruition. From now on, I'm keeping myself open to all possibilities. Because the only thing that can hold you back is yourself. “There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

Who Are You and What Have You Done With My Belly Button!?

22 weeks and still wearing my normal clothes - yee haw! Although at the rate Dominic is growing, something tells me these days are numbered. My boobs have continued to grow at an exponential rate, any bigger and I'll have to start ordering custom bras. My belly button is also starting to look a bit foreign to me. It's not poking out (yet), but it appears to be getting bigger and it feels hard when I touch it. I'm not gonna lie, it freaks me out a little. I'd like my normal belly button back - please and thank you!

I was supposed to do karaoke tonight with some old friends but evidently there aren't any bars in this area that do karaoke on Saturday. Karaoke is one of my favorite pastimes and it's been far too long since I've been able to sing and make an ass of myself.  What kind of town doesn't have a karaoke bar? This one, apparently.

Every now and then all the changes in my life over the past several months get to be a bit overwhelming. Getting pregnant with Dominic has truly been a blessing in disguise, but all the other changes are a lot to handle sometimes. Leaving my house that I bought when I was 18 to come and stay with my dad is a big one. He's been great about letting me stay here and I really truly do appreciate everything he's done for me. I just miss my house and it's hard to live with other people. I really miss my dog Trixie too. Up until I found out I was pregnant with Dominic, she was like my kid. To not be able to see her and to trust someone I don't even know to take care of her for the summer has been stressful. I need to figure out what to do with her at the end of the summer - find a way to get her here or find a more permanent home for her. Decisions, decisions. All in all, it's just hard to be away from the life I've known for the past 10 years and the people I've become accustomed to. With all the people who have come and gone in my life over the past few months, there are certainly some people I'm better off without. But there are a few select people in Utah who are really hard to be away from. Thank god (or the flying spaghetti monster) for internet and telephone. At least I can stay in touch with everyone until I'm able to make a trip back out there. I know this next chapter in my life is going to be my best one yet. I can see the many good changes coming and that's what keeps me going everyday. Dwelling on what could have been gets you nowhere fast. Time to focus on what could be and what will be. "Life is simple. You make choices and you don't look back."

The Cat's Outta the Bag...

Time to let the cat out of the proverbial bag. When I came to NY in early May, my plan was to head back to Utah at the end of the summer and have Dominic out there. But life happens, things change and sometimes you have to adapt your plans. Turns out,  I'll actually be having Dominic here in upstate NY and staying for a few months after he's born. For one, I don't want to leave here until I know I'm financially able to afford trips back and forth to visit family whenever I want. As such, I've decided to stay a bit longer and save a bit more. Second of all, I absolutely love my team of doctors here. My baby doctor in Utah was decent, but from day one I've felt like my doctors here are more thorough and experienced. I feel more comfortable delivering Dominic here. Lastly, it's important for me that Dominic knows my dad from day one. Without a father figure of his own, I think my dad would be a positive male influence in his life, even if it is only for the first few months. I also do not feel comfortable uprooting him as an infant and moving him across the country. So I figure I'll stick around here until February or March of 2012 when Dominic is at least a few months old. When that time comes, I'll take Dominic and my businesses and make a move. At this point, I'm keeping my options open. It's a big big world out there, with a lot of opportunities for both me and my son. I'm not opposed to going back to Salt Lake City, but I'm also not going to limit myself to only one option. I'm also considering San Diego and Boston as possible destinations. One thing is for sure, I am definitely NOT staying in upstate NY permanently. I will be here longer than I had originally anticipated but I will absolutely 110% NOT be staying here long term.  In the end, my decision will only be based on what's best for Dominic and I - the best place for business growth and the best place for his education.

I sincerely hope my family and friends in Utah can understand that life happens, plans change and I have to do what's best for my son and I. Please know that I love and miss each and every one of you. The way I see things is no matter how far away Dominic and I are, our true family and friends will love and support us no matter what. I fully intend on making every effort to stay in touch with my family and friends who care enough to reciprocate the effort. I'm done trying with people who don't care, and instead plan on focusing all of my efforts on those who do! :)


"It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, and your principles all at the same time."

The Countdown Begins...

18 more weeks and counting until my due date! Can I get a "hell yeah" for being over half way? I'm thinking it would be really spectacular if Dominic decided to come about a week early so we were both home for Thanksgiving, as it's one of my favorite holidays. Unfortunately he'll come when he's ready, so all I can do is keep my fingers crossed. Regardless, the holiday season is going to be even more exciting this year with Dominic around. I know he won't be old enough to enjoy it or remember it, but I'm so excited to have him around for his first Christmas. This year will be such a drastic change from last Christmas, when for the first time ever in my life I sat home alone with my mom without a tree and without the usual family Christmas celebrations. Worst Christmas of my life, but I sucked it up and got through it. Just goes to show how things can really turn around in a years time. Speaking of which, what do you buy a 1 month old for Christmas? Hmm, guess I better start thinking of ideas...

I'm so glad some of my energy has finally returned over the past 2 weeks. For awhile, I was finding it difficult to even make myself get ready for the day, which is very uncharacteristic for me. I've been making progress by leaps and bounds on the marketing/advertising front for my boutique and consulting firm. I've revised my business plan and I have a very clear vision of where I want things to go over the next 6 months. I've been really motivated and inspired lately and I'm getting really excited for the big things that are coming. The only problem I'm still running into is finding decent salespeople. With running both businesses and doing all the advertising on my own, it's damn near impossible for me to do all the sales on top of the day to day stuff, networking, PR and marketing. Guess it's time to make some changes to the way I'm recruiting and training employees. If at first you don't succeed, try try again!  When all is said and done, if my hard work can make a difference in just one person's life, it will all be worth it.  "In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."

A Book Could Never Do Them Justice...

In my preparations for Dominic I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how fortunate he is to have such wonderful people in his life - my mom and dad, close friends and other family members - I feel great knowing he'll never have a shortage of people who love him. I've also been spending a lot of time reflecting on the people close to me who left this world a little too soon and will never get to know him. Specifically my step dad Steve who passed away after a long battle with sarcoma in November 2009 and my best friend (more like a sister) Talese who passed away unexpectedly in September 2010. It breaks my heart that he will never be able to attend a family function with "Grandpa Steve" or get a haircut from "Aunty Talese". But, I can at least feel good knowing I will always carry a piece of them with me that I can hopefully pass along to Dominic. This week I'm going to start working on two books for Dominic to help him get to know Steve and Talese, complete with pictures, stories and fun facts about them. I'm not really sure where to start because a book will never do either one of them justice, but I know I have to try to pass along as much of them as I possibly can. I suppose I'll start by compiling my favorite pictures and making a list of facts and stories that I want him to know. I think I'll create the book through Shutterfly, I've made one there before and it turned out great. Time to hit the drawing board!

"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever."

The Long Road Ahead...

Spent the last few days stuck at home sick with the flu. Being sick sucks enough normally without the added worry of stressing about Dominic being ok. It also kinda sucks not being able to take most medications. I did end up taking 2 Tylenol yesterday, which were on my approved list of "safe" medications by my doctor. I hate taking anything unless it's absolutely necessary because I get paranoid about the potential effects to Dominic, but there was no way I would have been able to get comfortable or fall asleep with taking something to relieve the back pain. Still not feeling 100% today, but leaps and bounds better by comparison to yesterday. And Dominic was doing all sorts of somersaults this morning so that eased some of my worry and made me smile.

Went to see my attorney in NY last week about some business matters and ended up discussing the whole custody/sperm donor situation with him. According to the research I did on my own, under Utah state law, the "father" (and I use that term loosely) has the right to petition the court to sign over his parental rights. In order to do so, he must prove he's not trying to avoid any financial obligation and that the decision is in the best interest of the child. I was under the impression that as long as I was on board with this decision and wasn't asking for anything financially, it would be a no-brainer for the courts to honor this request. However, my attorney seems to think it won't be that easy. He's going to delve more into the Utah state law this week, but he said typically the courts won't allow either parent to give up legal responsibility of the child (regardless of why) unless the child is in imminent danger or unless there is someone else wanting to adopt the child. Looks like I might have a more difficult road ahead of me than I anticipated. In any case, I just want what's best for Dominic. If that means the sperm donor finally stepping up and being a good dad like he is to his daughter, then great. Or if that means us fighting the court to keep him out of Dominic's life, that's fine too. I just want to avoid any situations where sperm donor comes walking back into his life after years of not being around. For now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that someone will make the right decision - be it sperm donor or the Utah courts.

"Tough times never last, but tough people do."

Dominic the Rockstar

Went to see a cover band last night with some friends - I love live music! It was nice to get out of the house for a bit, although the whole bar scene is a bit overrated when you're not drinking. People watching was fun, per usual. Dominic was kicking all over the place, he's such a little rockstar already. It's never too early to get him started on listening to great music!

A friend of a friend gave me a huge collection of baby clothes today that are in great condition, including a snowsuit with bear ears. If Dominic's wardrobe of new clothing wasn't massive enough already, it sure is now! I've started organizing his itty bitty clothes and blankets to take inventory of what he has in each size. He definitely won't need or want for anything. I've been debating on whether or not to use special laundry detergent for babies on his clothing, or to use regular laundry detergent free of dyes and perfumes. Most of the research I've done suggests that regular detergent is better at getting out stains and as long as it's free of dyes or perfumes it shouldn't irritate his skin. Sounds like that's the way to go. Any suggestions?

 "Like it or not, the world evolves, priorities change and so do you."

Bump Bump Bump...

My baby bump seems to be growing by the minute! I've been taking weekly pictures since about 10 weeks to document my progress, and in today's picture I noticed a huge change since last week. Call me crazy but I think maternity shopping is somewhere in my near future. I'm hoping Dominic comes out in the 7-8 lb range, but my instincts tell me I've got a bigger baby in the making. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!


Although I'm unable to participate in a lot of the activities I had planned for this summer (skydiving, paragliding, river rafting, scuba diving, etc) I am still hoping to get in a good camping trip before the warm weather ends. And by camping I mean a cabin, RV or some other form of shelter that offers a shower. I'm envisioning a cabin in the woods by the lake with a canoe. Somewhere in the Adirondack Mountains? Perhaps. Time to embark on a mission to plan this camping trip before everything is booked!

"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things."