Life Is Full of Tough Choices...

As summer nears an end, I'm faced with the incredibly difficult decision of what to do with my dog, Trixie. A friend's mom has agreed to babysit her in Utah until the end of August, but with me staying in NY until spring I'll either need to ship her here or find a permanent home for her there. Trixie is 2 years old and I've had her since she was just a little puppy. She's the most beautiful mastiff and she has such a cute personality. I hate so much to send her to a home where I don't know the people or worse yet send her to a shelter. As it is, I already miss her like crazy after spending the last few months without her. I've even had two dreams about her over the last week. But I'm having a hard time justifying the expense of shipping her here when I still have stuff left to buy for Dominic. I've spent hours researching different pet shipment companies and most of them are in the $500+ range for a cross country delivery. Add the fact that I'm currently staying with my dad who isn't much of an animal lover and my decision is that much harder. I need to make a decision soon and I just can't bring myself to do it. Ugh, I hate making decisions like this... 
"In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do. The worst thing you can do is nothing."


On a more positive note, I'm starting a new little project for Dominic's room. I'm taking an old glider/rocking chair and re-staining it and reupholstering it. I had planned on buying one of those new glider chairs with the ottoman but my dad was getting rid of one so I figured why waste the money. With a little work and some new cushions it will be good as new and I can customize it to match all of Dominic's nursery bedding. Here's to hoping my little project comes together nicely!

He's a Mover and a Shaker!

Little Dominic is a mover and a shaker already! His kicks and punches are starting to become a lot more pronounced. As I'm sitting here writing this I'm giggling to myself because he just gave me a series of hard kicks that I could see through my shirt. Let the games begin!

It's official. I now have a bump that is very unmistakable as a baby! I'm thinking this is a good thing because for awhile I didn't really look pregnant to those who didn't know me. I looked more like I just had a flabby belly. It should be interesting to see how my belly pops out over the next 17 weeks. Be kind to your mama, Dominic, please be kind...


I'm in the process of making some very exciting changes to both of my businesses. The changes to my marketing and advertising firm are just about complete and I'm hoping to start picking up some bigger clients with the more personalized services The Alpha Omega Solution is now offering. As for my boutique, the changes are still a work in progress but the new and completely revamped TT's Attic should be unveiled at the end of September. I'm super excited for everyone to see what I have in store. With all the effort I've thrown into business the last few months especially, I've started to become more keenly aware of what works and what doesn't. If it's not broke, I certainly wont fix it but I'm all about making changes and trying new things to improve my business model and increase efficiency. And if these changes don't give the results I'm hoping for, then I'll keep right on trying out new ideas. Because the bottom line is, I'm not going anywhere, my businesses aren't going anywhere and I'm in this game for the long haul. Competitors beware because I'm on a mission to kick some serious ass! "Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion.  You must set yourself on fire."

Lead Me Not Into Temptation....

I've been really good about my diet and avoiding certain things during my pregnancy. I cut out my coffee, energy drink and alcohol intake cold turkey as soon as I found out I was expecting and haven't looked back. Until the other day. I couldn't resist the urge to have a cup of coffee. My doctor has said that caffeine in limited quantities won't harm Dominic, so I gave in to my temptation. Quite frankly it made me feel a bit jittery. But it tasted oh so good. I suppose getting pregnant was one way to break my caffeine addiction! I think I'll hold off on having a second cup until after Dominic is born. Don't get me wrong, I miss my coffee but I kinda felt like a bad mama for drinking a cup with a baby on the way.  My, how things have changed...

I'm hoping to be able to make a trip out to Utah before Dominic is born, although at this point it's looking iffy. I would love to be able to see everyone one last time before I officially become a mama. And I have a bin full of baby stuff in my storage unit that will go completely unused if I can't find a way to get it back to NY with me before his arrival. I painted a little baby box for Dominic the week I found out I was pregnant. It contains his very first ultrasound photos and my positive pregnancy test. I suppose even if I don't get my baby bin back here in time, someday after I move my stuff out of storage I'll be able to show him the box I made him when he was but a wee 8 week old fetus. If I'm able to make it out there before his arrival, great and if not, I guess it's not worth stressing about. I can only do so much in a limited amount of time.

It's been brought to my attention yet again that sometimes you have to let go of certain people and things in your past in order to move forward to what's waiting for you in the future. I've learned this many times throughout my life, but every now and then I need a reminder. I was reminded of this again today and I'm glad. I will always cherish the memories I've had with certain people but will no longer allow myself to dwell on someone or something that may never come to fruition. From now on, I'm keeping myself open to all possibilities. Because the only thing that can hold you back is yourself. “There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

Dominic's Growth Spurt

So apparently I am now the carrier of a 1 pound, foot long baby! Crazy to think of when just a few weeks ago the doctor estimated Dominic's weight at around 10 ounces. Talk about a growth spurt! Exactly four months from today is my due date. I'm getting all sorts of nervous and excited. I can't wait to see him for the first time. I wonder how big he will be and what he will look like. I picture him with lots of dark hair and the cutest big lips.  Although I'm sure he'll be about 10 times cuter than anything I could possibly envision. Just 4 more months!

I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant that I wanted to nurse Dominic, as opposed to formula feed. The question is, how long should I nurse for and how do I ween him on to regular formula or food when I'm done? According to the research I've done, all the nutritional benefits from nursing are derived during the first 3 months. Aside from that the only other reasons I can think of for nursing are the bonding opportunities with the baby, and the financial benefits of not having to buy formula. I definitely don't want to be one of those mamas who breastfeeds their child until they are 2 years old. In my opinion, if they are old enough to ask for it, it's too old and quite frankly a bit odd. But whatever works for someone else is their business. I'm thinking 6 months would be a reasonable time frame. Guess we'll just see how that plan works out once he gets here...

"The difference between your child's ability to thrive or just survive is you."

Who Are You and What Have You Done With My Belly Button!?

22 weeks and still wearing my normal clothes - yee haw! Although at the rate Dominic is growing, something tells me these days are numbered. My boobs have continued to grow at an exponential rate, any bigger and I'll have to start ordering custom bras. My belly button is also starting to look a bit foreign to me. It's not poking out (yet), but it appears to be getting bigger and it feels hard when I touch it. I'm not gonna lie, it freaks me out a little. I'd like my normal belly button back - please and thank you!

I was supposed to do karaoke tonight with some old friends but evidently there aren't any bars in this area that do karaoke on Saturday. Karaoke is one of my favorite pastimes and it's been far too long since I've been able to sing and make an ass of myself.  What kind of town doesn't have a karaoke bar? This one, apparently.

Every now and then all the changes in my life over the past several months get to be a bit overwhelming. Getting pregnant with Dominic has truly been a blessing in disguise, but all the other changes are a lot to handle sometimes. Leaving my house that I bought when I was 18 to come and stay with my dad is a big one. He's been great about letting me stay here and I really truly do appreciate everything he's done for me. I just miss my house and it's hard to live with other people. I really miss my dog Trixie too. Up until I found out I was pregnant with Dominic, she was like my kid. To not be able to see her and to trust someone I don't even know to take care of her for the summer has been stressful. I need to figure out what to do with her at the end of the summer - find a way to get her here or find a more permanent home for her. Decisions, decisions. All in all, it's just hard to be away from the life I've known for the past 10 years and the people I've become accustomed to. With all the people who have come and gone in my life over the past few months, there are certainly some people I'm better off without. But there are a few select people in Utah who are really hard to be away from. Thank god (or the flying spaghetti monster) for internet and telephone. At least I can stay in touch with everyone until I'm able to make a trip back out there. I know this next chapter in my life is going to be my best one yet. I can see the many good changes coming and that's what keeps me going everyday. Dwelling on what could have been gets you nowhere fast. Time to focus on what could be and what will be. "Life is simple. You make choices and you don't look back."

The Cat's Outta the Bag...

Time to let the cat out of the proverbial bag. When I came to NY in early May, my plan was to head back to Utah at the end of the summer and have Dominic out there. But life happens, things change and sometimes you have to adapt your plans. Turns out,  I'll actually be having Dominic here in upstate NY and staying for a few months after he's born. For one, I don't want to leave here until I know I'm financially able to afford trips back and forth to visit family whenever I want. As such, I've decided to stay a bit longer and save a bit more. Second of all, I absolutely love my team of doctors here. My baby doctor in Utah was decent, but from day one I've felt like my doctors here are more thorough and experienced. I feel more comfortable delivering Dominic here. Lastly, it's important for me that Dominic knows my dad from day one. Without a father figure of his own, I think my dad would be a positive male influence in his life, even if it is only for the first few months. I also do not feel comfortable uprooting him as an infant and moving him across the country. So I figure I'll stick around here until February or March of 2012 when Dominic is at least a few months old. When that time comes, I'll take Dominic and my businesses and make a move. At this point, I'm keeping my options open. It's a big big world out there, with a lot of opportunities for both me and my son. I'm not opposed to going back to Salt Lake City, but I'm also not going to limit myself to only one option. I'm also considering San Diego and Boston as possible destinations. One thing is for sure, I am definitely NOT staying in upstate NY permanently. I will be here longer than I had originally anticipated but I will absolutely 110% NOT be staying here long term.  In the end, my decision will only be based on what's best for Dominic and I - the best place for business growth and the best place for his education.

I sincerely hope my family and friends in Utah can understand that life happens, plans change and I have to do what's best for my son and I. Please know that I love and miss each and every one of you. The way I see things is no matter how far away Dominic and I are, our true family and friends will love and support us no matter what. I fully intend on making every effort to stay in touch with my family and friends who care enough to reciprocate the effort. I'm done trying with people who don't care, and instead plan on focusing all of my efforts on those who do! :)


"It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, and your principles all at the same time."

The Countdown Begins...

18 more weeks and counting until my due date! Can I get a "hell yeah" for being over half way? I'm thinking it would be really spectacular if Dominic decided to come about a week early so we were both home for Thanksgiving, as it's one of my favorite holidays. Unfortunately he'll come when he's ready, so all I can do is keep my fingers crossed. Regardless, the holiday season is going to be even more exciting this year with Dominic around. I know he won't be old enough to enjoy it or remember it, but I'm so excited to have him around for his first Christmas. This year will be such a drastic change from last Christmas, when for the first time ever in my life I sat home alone with my mom without a tree and without the usual family Christmas celebrations. Worst Christmas of my life, but I sucked it up and got through it. Just goes to show how things can really turn around in a years time. Speaking of which, what do you buy a 1 month old for Christmas? Hmm, guess I better start thinking of ideas...

I'm so glad some of my energy has finally returned over the past 2 weeks. For awhile, I was finding it difficult to even make myself get ready for the day, which is very uncharacteristic for me. I've been making progress by leaps and bounds on the marketing/advertising front for my boutique and consulting firm. I've revised my business plan and I have a very clear vision of where I want things to go over the next 6 months. I've been really motivated and inspired lately and I'm getting really excited for the big things that are coming. The only problem I'm still running into is finding decent salespeople. With running both businesses and doing all the advertising on my own, it's damn near impossible for me to do all the sales on top of the day to day stuff, networking, PR and marketing. Guess it's time to make some changes to the way I'm recruiting and training employees. If at first you don't succeed, try try again!  When all is said and done, if my hard work can make a difference in just one person's life, it will all be worth it.  "In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."

Shitty Parents Beware

I debated on whether or not to get on my so-called "soapbox" and write this post or to refrain. Looks like writing this post won. Before I say anything else, I would just like to say that yes, I am aware that I'm a first time parent and no, I'm not by any means an expert on parenting. But I am entitled to some observations and an opinion. With that being said, I would just like to go on the record as stating how much I loathe, detest and despise shitty parents. By my definition, a shitty parent is anyone who can't or doesn't make time for their kids, anyone who constantly leaves their kids with babysitters to go out and "party", anyone (mainly women) who use their kids as money making machines in order to get child support, anyone who walks around in expensive clothes while their children are dressed in clothes that are dirty and pants 2 inches too short, and most of all anyone who willfully abandons their child. These are children, not puppies, and whatever you do (or don't do) as parents shapes the people they will become. If you can't step it up and set a decent example for your children, keep your damn pants on and stop procreating! Deadbeat parents are the scum of the earth in my book (and yes, I may be a bit biased due to my current situation). Even before I was on the brink of having a child and dealing with my son's sad excuse for a father, I was never able to tolerate bad parents. In fact, I even stopped being friends with certain people because I couldn't bear to stand by and watch the neglectful behavior towards their children. How anyone can stand by and enable/support friends (or even family members) who don't take care of their children is beyond me. Then again, I guess some people choose their friends based on who tells them what they want to hear and who they can go get drunk with. Personally, I prefer to surround myself with quality people who add something to my life - now there's an idea! I was lucky enough to be blessed with THREE wonderful parents, and I can only hope that my parenting skills will rival those of my mom, dad and step-dad. A big thank you to my three parents for raising me to be the person I am today! "Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them."

On another note, I created my team for this years Out of the Darkness Walk for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. My team, "there is always hope", was created in loving memory of my best friend Talese Turner. I really hope to get a good turn out this year and to get some good donations. My team goal for donations is $1500 which I think is very reasonable. I would like to get a team of at least 15 people put together so we can start doing fundraisers leading up to the event in October. I have a few ideas in mind already and I'm excited to see how it will all come together. If you don't already have plans for October 8th and you're in the central NY area, please please please join my team and help us support a great cause. I promise it's more important than sleeping in or anything else you could be doing on a Saturday morning because you could help save a life! Once I have the team members established, I would like to order t-shirts for the event. I'm still in the process of designing a logo for the team, but I have a couple rough drafts worked up. I'll post pictures, suggestions are welcomed :)

A Book Could Never Do Them Justice...

In my preparations for Dominic I've been spending a lot of time thinking about how fortunate he is to have such wonderful people in his life - my mom and dad, close friends and other family members - I feel great knowing he'll never have a shortage of people who love him. I've also been spending a lot of time reflecting on the people close to me who left this world a little too soon and will never get to know him. Specifically my step dad Steve who passed away after a long battle with sarcoma in November 2009 and my best friend (more like a sister) Talese who passed away unexpectedly in September 2010. It breaks my heart that he will never be able to attend a family function with "Grandpa Steve" or get a haircut from "Aunty Talese". But, I can at least feel good knowing I will always carry a piece of them with me that I can hopefully pass along to Dominic. This week I'm going to start working on two books for Dominic to help him get to know Steve and Talese, complete with pictures, stories and fun facts about them. I'm not really sure where to start because a book will never do either one of them justice, but I know I have to try to pass along as much of them as I possibly can. I suppose I'll start by compiling my favorite pictures and making a list of facts and stories that I want him to know. I think I'll create the book through Shutterfly, I've made one there before and it turned out great. Time to hit the drawing board!

"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever."

The Long Road Ahead...

Spent the last few days stuck at home sick with the flu. Being sick sucks enough normally without the added worry of stressing about Dominic being ok. It also kinda sucks not being able to take most medications. I did end up taking 2 Tylenol yesterday, which were on my approved list of "safe" medications by my doctor. I hate taking anything unless it's absolutely necessary because I get paranoid about the potential effects to Dominic, but there was no way I would have been able to get comfortable or fall asleep with taking something to relieve the back pain. Still not feeling 100% today, but leaps and bounds better by comparison to yesterday. And Dominic was doing all sorts of somersaults this morning so that eased some of my worry and made me smile.

Went to see my attorney in NY last week about some business matters and ended up discussing the whole custody/sperm donor situation with him. According to the research I did on my own, under Utah state law, the "father" (and I use that term loosely) has the right to petition the court to sign over his parental rights. In order to do so, he must prove he's not trying to avoid any financial obligation and that the decision is in the best interest of the child. I was under the impression that as long as I was on board with this decision and wasn't asking for anything financially, it would be a no-brainer for the courts to honor this request. However, my attorney seems to think it won't be that easy. He's going to delve more into the Utah state law this week, but he said typically the courts won't allow either parent to give up legal responsibility of the child (regardless of why) unless the child is in imminent danger or unless there is someone else wanting to adopt the child. Looks like I might have a more difficult road ahead of me than I anticipated. In any case, I just want what's best for Dominic. If that means the sperm donor finally stepping up and being a good dad like he is to his daughter, then great. Or if that means us fighting the court to keep him out of Dominic's life, that's fine too. I just want to avoid any situations where sperm donor comes walking back into his life after years of not being around. For now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that someone will make the right decision - be it sperm donor or the Utah courts.

"Tough times never last, but tough people do."

Dominic the Rockstar

Went to see a cover band last night with some friends - I love live music! It was nice to get out of the house for a bit, although the whole bar scene is a bit overrated when you're not drinking. People watching was fun, per usual. Dominic was kicking all over the place, he's such a little rockstar already. It's never too early to get him started on listening to great music!

A friend of a friend gave me a huge collection of baby clothes today that are in great condition, including a snowsuit with bear ears. If Dominic's wardrobe of new clothing wasn't massive enough already, it sure is now! I've started organizing his itty bitty clothes and blankets to take inventory of what he has in each size. He definitely won't need or want for anything. I've been debating on whether or not to use special laundry detergent for babies on his clothing, or to use regular laundry detergent free of dyes and perfumes. Most of the research I've done suggests that regular detergent is better at getting out stains and as long as it's free of dyes or perfumes it shouldn't irritate his skin. Sounds like that's the way to go. Any suggestions?

 "Like it or not, the world evolves, priorities change and so do you."

Bump Bump Bump...

My baby bump seems to be growing by the minute! I've been taking weekly pictures since about 10 weeks to document my progress, and in today's picture I noticed a huge change since last week. Call me crazy but I think maternity shopping is somewhere in my near future. I'm hoping Dominic comes out in the 7-8 lb range, but my instincts tell me I've got a bigger baby in the making. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!


Although I'm unable to participate in a lot of the activities I had planned for this summer (skydiving, paragliding, river rafting, scuba diving, etc) I am still hoping to get in a good camping trip before the warm weather ends. And by camping I mean a cabin, RV or some other form of shelter that offers a shower. I'm envisioning a cabin in the woods by the lake with a canoe. Somewhere in the Adirondack Mountains? Perhaps. Time to embark on a mission to plan this camping trip before everything is booked!

"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things."

Hold the Drugs Please!

Thought I'd share my pics from my most recent beach trip - 19 weeks, 3 days in the pics and still rockin' a bikini! So far all the weight has gone straight to my boobs, I'm afraid pretty soon I won't be able to find a bra to hold them. Lets just hope they go back to their normal perky state after I'm done nursing, ha ha! To date I've only put on 4 lbs since the start of the pregnancy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the next 20 weeks will be as kind to me. Wishful thinking on my part? Probably.

Since I found out I was pregnant, I've been putting some serious consideration into my birthing options. I'm not much of a prescription medication person as it is, so of course I was leaning towards a natural childbirth without an epidural. After a few months of research and asking around, I've decided that barring any problems or circumstances that would require a c-section, my plan is to go the natural route with no pain medication. Up until the past decade or so, epidurals weren't even offered as a part of childbirth, and women still survived having babies just fine. For starters, I see no point in putting myself at undue risk of infection or paralysis (although the risk is small) when it's not necessary. Research also shows that pain medications such as an epidural can slow the birthing process and increase the amount of time a woman is in labor. Additionally, some studies indicate that babies born to mothers who had an epidural are somewhere in the neighborhood of 40% more likely to be collicky babies. Whether that's true or not, I don't know but I'd rather not take the chance. Call me crazy, but sometimes there's nothing wrong with doing things the old fashioned way. I may regret my decision once the moment of truth arrives, but my mind has been made up. Bring on the pain!

"People are giving birth underwater now.  They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's in water. But certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool!"

Mama's a Slacker...

Baby mama has been a slacker this past week! From baseball games to the beach, ultrasounds and working like a madman I've had no time to do any updates the last couple days. First off, had my second trimester ultrasound today and Dominic is still a boy! Yeah!!! Huge sigh of relief. I couldn't help but laugh - every time the ultrasound tech put the ultrasound by his face, he started punching me. He's feisty already! The doctor says he looks great, is growing normally, doesn't have any red flags for any problems and is still on track to make his appearance on Turkey Day. They estimated his size to be about 11 ounces and 10 inches long. And he has the most adorable big old lips! I couldn't be happier. :)

Had a great time on a wee shopping spree today, compliments of Grandma. Was able to get the jogging stroller, baby bath and Boppy I wanted, in addition to clothes, shoes and various other items. I can't wait to see my little guy in his Converse All Stars. Thanks Grandma!

In the few (and far between) moments I do get for myself, I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's amazing how one little person can turn your whole world upside down in a matter of months. I'm on a mission to be the best damn mama on the face of the earth and that includes finding the perfect private school, the best life insurance policy and the nicest place to live. Changes are definitely coming. Haven't quite decided the where or when yet, but Dominic and I are going to take this world by storm - people beware! “Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

What a Week!

My apologies for the absenteeism the last couple days - it's been a hell of a week! Had a great time in NYC at the Yankees game on Thursday. Never a dull moment with the rowdy group of family and friends I went with. Weather was great, and the Yanks won the game so the trip was a win-win. We're hoping to make the trip an annual event and I can't wait to take Dominic next year! The new Yankees stadium is nice, although I must I admit I prefer the old stadium, if for no other reason than the amount of history that was there. Bought the cutest Jeter t-shirt and Yankees bucket hat for Dominic - it's sooo damn cute (and it better be for nearly $40!).

Spent a day at the beach yesterday with my mom and brothers. It was so nice to just relax, soak up some sun and enjoy being outside. I realized my baby bump is a lot more noticeable when I lay down! Time to start looking for a bigger bathing suit methinks. And yes, I am one of those pregnant women who plans on wearing a bikini the entire time I'm pregnant. And no, I don't care what you think about it :)

Got in touch with an old friend today who moved to San Diego last year. It was great to reconnect with him! It's so crazy how much things can change in a years time. In just under a year, I have moved (temporarily) to NY and am expecting a child. He, on the other hand, moved to San Diego and got married! One thing I've learned in life is to always expect the unexpected. "It takes a long time to grow an old friend."