Good Riddance 2011

Wow! I can't believe how fast 2011 has flown by. What a crazy up and down year it has been. It's amazing to think of all the changes I've made in my life in just 12 short months. While I hesitate to say 2011 was a "bad" year, I certainly hope 2012 will be a better year. The last three years have been sub-par, to say the least, with my divorce and the loss of my step dad and best friend so I think I'm long overdue for one kickass awesome year.

Over the past week I've been reflecting on this past year and the things I've learned. I'm happy with the many positive changes this year has brought me, not least of all my beautiful son. I've had a few friends come and go this year, but it has taught me who my true friends are.  Although a few people I thought would always be there left me sorely disappointed, I was also pleasantly surprised by a few certain people who stood by my side through all of my ups and downs. I will be forever grateful to THOSE friends. This year has been a huge lesson in patience. When I decided to regain control of my life and start my own businesses,  I never envisioned it being such a process. I've learned to accept that not everything comes fast and easy, and sometimes things worth waiting for take time. Sometimes it's okay to slow down and enjoy life instead of racing through it on a mission to get to the top. My 9 months of pregnancy and 42 hour labor were also a lesson in patience, ha ha! This year also taught me (once again) that life is full of surprises. At the beginning of 2011, I never would have imagined I would end up back in NY with a baby. But I've learned to take things in stride and I feel like I am more prepared for whatever life throws at me now. 2011 was also a very humbling year. As someone who was successful at a very young age and bought a home at the age of 18, I had a tendency to get on my "high horse" sometimes. But going from living in my own home back to staying with one of my parents (albeit temporary)and starting completely over has had a way of putting me in my place. I've learned that that sometimes it's okay to put your pride aside and accept help from others when they offer it. This year has been a year of moving on. I've learned to deal with the losses I've had over the past 3 years in a more productive way. I've moved forward with my life with the memory of my step dad and best friend close to my heart. And most importantly, I've learned to love someone more than myself again. From the moment I decided to have Dominic, his needs became more important than my own and I knew I would love him more than anything else in the world. Having him was definitely the highlight of my year (and my life thus far). All things considered, I guess 2011 wasn't such a horrible year after all.

I suppose most people see the new year as an opportunity to make positive changes and get a fresh start and I'm no different. I think of all the progress that was made in 2011 and I'm excited to see where this next year will take me. My plan is to become the best mommy (and daddy) I can be this year. I'm all Dominic has and I need to set a good example. This year I'm going to get out of NY (and likely back to Salt Lake City) to begin the next chapter in my life. I'm going to live on my own again so that I can begin to feel like a functional adult once again. I'm going to start working on a plan to buy another house for me and Dominic. This year I'm going to expand my businesses and increase profits. My goal is to hire a few full time employees for each business and have interns each semester. I want to have clients in every state for my marketing firm by the end of the year. And my goal for TT's Attic is to roll out my new and improved top secret idea by June, and to truly start to make a difference with the 20% donations I do each month. My goal is to make a difference in at least one persons life this year, through charity events, volunteering and maybe even some motivational speaking. I've come to believe it is my life's mission to make a difference. I think my life experiences give me the tools necessary to help others and I don't want that to go to waste. I want to go to Ireland this year to Whitepark Bay so I can see the beautiful place my best friend always talked about. I want to spend less time working and more time with my friends and family this year. My goal for the year is to work smarter, not harder. I know I can accomplish these things with the right attitude and determination. It won't be easy but I've always liked a challenge. Oh and I want to make my first million by the time I turn 25 in September, ha ha! Okay that one might be a bit far fetched, but who says I can't try? :) “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”

A big thank you to both of my parents for being so supportive and helpful to me this year. I don't know how I would have done it all without you guys. And an equally big thank you to those friends who have been there for me through this crazy year (you know who you are). I love you guys so much and people like you give me hope for everyone else.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year! Bring it on 2012 - I'm gonna make you my bitch!!! ;)

Happy Festivus!

Happy 1st Christmas to my little protege! Dominic wasn't nearly as excited about the holiday as I was. My little brother and cousin had everyone in the house up by 5:30 AM this morning but my child slept through all the festivities. It was worth getting up early to see how cute he looked in his Christmas pj's though. I love how I wrapped all his gifts just to unwrap them all again myself - totally worth it though just to get me in the Christmas spirit! He ended up making out pretty good - got himself quite a few new clothes and toys, a Bumbo chair, a play mat with a keyboard and a bear that can be programmed to spell his name and play his favorite songs. Next year will be a lot more fun for Dominic, although it was great to spend the holiday with my family in NY for the first time since 2006.  My little man was the hit of all the family parties, I barely got a minute with him on Christmas Eve with all the people who wanted to hold him. Christmas Eve started at my great grandma Katie's house with good company, a five generation picture and the best peanut butter balls ever! Then we moved the party to my grandma's house with her 12 foot Christmas tree. And finally ended the night at my cousin Cory's house for a huge party with my mom's side of the family. It made for a long, exhausting, and fun filled day. I can't wait until next year when Dominic might actually be excited at the prospect of "Santa" coming. "Christmas is for children. But it is for grown-ups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts."

I had myself a couple glasses of wine last night at the Christmas party.  Although it was damn tasty, I must say not entirely worth the hassle of having to pump and make a bunch of bottles in advance. I suppose if I made it 9 months, I can make it another 3 or 4 until I'm done nursing before I decide to partake in drinking adult beverages again. And quite frankly it's not a top priority at this point.

I swear, I fall more in love with my child every time I look at him. When I had Dominic, I expected to be faced with an overwhelming rush of emotion upon seeing him for the first time. But it wasn't like that for me. The first time I saw him, I knew I loved him right away but more than anything else I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that he was safe and healthy. The first week I was focused mainly on getting the hang of things and figuring out how to take care of him. But now that I've got the mommy gig down pat, I've been able to enjoy my time with him more. I find myself spending a lot of time just staring at him, in complete awe that I made him. It amazes me how much personality he has already. His huge smiles crack me up. And he's taken to growling at me when he's hungry. How anyone could not love him is beyond me, this kid couldn't be more perfect if he tried!
 
 

Dominic Crankypants

My child hates me and wants me to keel over from exhaustion. Ok maybe not, but that's what it feels like. I knew Dominic was going to be a night owl if his sleep schedule during my pregnancy was any indication. He acts like a complete angel all day long, but come night time I'm dealing with Jekyll & Hyde. He turns into a holy terror, up nearly every hour, eating like he's starving, screaming his head off and demanding my attention. I can only hope once he gets a little older I'll be able to train him and get him on a schedule that works a little better for me. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I got all my Christmas shopping done yesterday. Gifts bought, wrapped and ready to be put under the tree. Not that Dominic will remember anything this year, but I'm excited regardless. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I can't wait to celebrate it with my little man. Christmas cards went out today too. Better late than never. I only ended up sending them to my family and friends in Utah since I can't be there. If you don't get one it's because I either couldn't find your address or because I procrastinated and forgot half the people on my list. Or I hate you bahahaha.

Now that I'm mostly recovered, back to work and on somewhat of a schedule, my next mission is to get back in shape. I actually can't complain too much considering I just delivered a baby two and a half weeks ago. I daresay I'm damn near close to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I need to tone things up a bit. I get too bored going to the gym, so I'm looking for a dance class or something similar. Zumba, pole dancing, salsa, even kickboxing would be fun. If anyone is aware of places that offer these in the CNY area, please let me know!

I made my selections for my first group of interns. Next on the agenda is developing their training program. They start on January 23rd so I have a few weeks to get everything ironed out. I also need to schedule interviews with my second round of interns from Syracuse University. My goal is to get all this done by the end of the week so I can take a few days off for Christmas. I can't wait to have the extra help. I have a few exciting ideas up my sleeve that they should be able to help me set in motion. A spring fashion show and fundraiser? Don't mind if I do! Watch and learn while I take this to the next level. "You don't become the best by being like the rest."

Guess Who's Back!?

After nine months of pregnancy and an exhausting first week of parenting, I'm beyond excited to announce that Blair is back! I was so worried I would lose myself and my edge upon having Dominic, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Now that my little man and I have gotten into somewhat of a routine, I've been able to start focusing on moving forward with work again. I interviewed my first group of interns this week and things look very promising. Having an addition 5-10 set of hands and fresh ideas for the businesses should be just what the doctor ordered. I became a bit antisocial during pregnancy, but I'm ready to get back in the swing of things now. I'm ready to get out and network with people, ready to travel the world with my protege, and ready to start my new life with amazing people by my side. I haven't felt this optimistic about things in a long time. It feels like months and months of hard work is finally coming together. I know I still have a long way to go, but everything is worth is at the end of the day when I get to cuddle up with the cutest baby in the world.


I debated for the last 3 months of my pregnancy whether or not I should send photos and details about Dominic's birth to his sperm donor. I'm still not sure if I made the right decision, but I opted to send them a few days ago. I've yet to receive a response and I don't expect one, but at least now I can tell Dominic someday that I did everything in my power to try and facilitate a relationship between him and his father. There can never be the excuse "I didn't know when he was born" or anything equally as ridiculous. How he could see photos of this beautiful, perfect baby and not even make an attempt is beyond me. I suspect he may be living in denial. But I guess there are some things in life I will never understand. All of my attempts have been recorded and now I can wash my hands of the situation knowing I did everything I could. I am beginning to believe that things truly do happen for a reason and maybe the only purpose he served in my life was to give me Dominic. Perhaps there is someone out there who will be a better father figure for Dominic someday. And fortunately because I didn't put the sperm donor on his birth certificate, it will be that much easier for someone to step into that role  if and when they come along. But that's enough about that. Onward and upward! “Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair.  However we must keep smiling & moving on.”

Dominic had his two week checkup today. Holy smokes has he grown! Last Tuesday he had a brief doctor visit so his pediatrician could check his weight after leaving the hospital. At that point he had lost 8 ounces and was down to 7 lbs 4 ounces. Today, just over a week later, he was up to 8 lbs 12 ounces! Lets just say he's a good eater.  It appears I have a very healthy (and chubby) baby on my hands and I could not be more grateful!

Chubby Cheeks!

I'm writing this blog post with a little man by my side! Just sayin. At the moment Dominic is fast asleep wearing yellow ducky pj's in his bouncer.  I can't believe how much he's changed in only 10 days. His eyes are now dark brown (even darker than mine), and his chubby cheeks have become even chubbier. He's still cute as ever - that hasn't changed! It amazes me how much personality he has already. I know that sounds silly to say about a newborn, but some of the stuff he does cracks me up. He smiles his sleep, he raises his eyebrows and he even rolls his eyes. I can already tell he's stubborn as a mule. Go figure, the child who takes 42 hours to be born is stubborn, (sensing the sarcasm?)

Nursing is getting a little easier and we are finally starting to develop a little routine. I read him a bedtime story every night before bed. He eats every 3 hours and if he's asleep I wake him up. The last two nights he's slept most of the night except during his feedings. I'm crossing my fingers that tonight will be 3 for 3. I think I'm finally getting the hang of this! I've even managed to get back to working about 5 hours a day. At this rate I'll be back on my A game by the end of the month! One step at a time I suppose.

I'm so damn excited about Dominic's first Christmas. We went to see Santa this past Saturday for a pancake breakfast at Beaver Lake. It was mostly for my benefit, as Dominic just slept the whole time. But I got some great pictures out of the whole thing. I did all of my Christmas shopping online this year and ended up getting him clothes and just a couple toys. I bought him the cutest play gym/mat with a piano he can kick with his feet. He won't be able to use it for a couple more months, but I'm sure he will love it. Or I will love to see him use it. Either way. Next on the agenda after the holidays is making a trip out to Utah to introduce Dominic to all of our family and friends out there. I miss everyone so much and I can't wait for them to meet my new little sidekick!

"Gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside. No matter what is going on outside of us, there's always something we could be grateful for."

Dominic's Birth Story

Here's the post you've all been waiting patiently for! My little rockstar has indeed arrived! DISCLAIMER: If you don't care to hear all the gory details of my "childbirth" experience, turn back now. If you are currently pregnant and don't want to end up terrified about your impending birth, I suggest you also stop reading. Now without further ado, Dominic's birth story...

My November 24th due date came and passed with no signs of a little turkey. So my doctor set an induction date for November 30th at 7 PM. Lets just say it's a damn good thing I had no idea what I was getting into and I went into the whole labor experience with an open mind. Just about any and all "birth plans" I had went completely out the window.

Going into the induction I was only 1 cm dilated, so the plan was to give me two rounds of drugs - cervadil and pitocin - to jumpstart my labor. At the start of the induction, the doctors warned me that it could be quite the lengthy process, although I was convinced Dominic would come sooner than later. Wishful thinking on my part!

At the start of day 1, I felt prepared and ready to evict my little man! My mom, dad and grandma all came with me to the hospital and were in it for the long haul. I was all smiles and posing for pictures, but that would soon change. 12 hours after receiving the cervadil, I was only dilated to a 3, so doctors decided to give me another drug, which they only referred to as "meso", to further dilate me. After 2 rounds and about  10 hours of "meso", the doctors decided it was time to break my water to speed things up. About 22 hours into the induction and I finally started to make progress. Kinda. Around this time I met a lovely nurse who told me an absolutely horrendous story about a fatal cord accident at the hospital. Call me crazy but that's not the best thing to tell a woman in active labor, ready to give birth to her first child.

But at the start of day 2, I was still in good spirits. My water had been broke, I was finally dilated to a 5, and I was having regular contractions that were noticeable but not terribly painful. The birth was certainly taking longer than I expected but up until this point I was still sticking to my "unmedicated" birth plan. At this point I met another interesting nurse who provided me with a little entertainment during my otherwise boring hospital stay. She came in to check on me and she looked at the 3D ultrasound photo I had on my phone of Dominic. "Oh my god, what a cute baby!" she exclaimed. "Looking at his picture just makes you want to pull out your boob and have him start sucking on it" she continued. Umm, what!? Did you really just say what I think you did? My mom and I were both holding back laughter. Where the hell did this hospital hire their nurses?

10 hours later, going onto hour 32 of induction, my positive facade started to deteriorate. Rapidly. I was going on 2 hours of sleep over 2 days, and a liquids only diet. I was tired, anxious and in pain. Screw "unmedicated" birth, give me the drugs! I opted for an epidural at that point, and the next 7 hours were glorious. Good-bye pain, hello tingly numb legs!

And then...all the fun started. I started to feel a pressure that was not there before, and Dominic's heart rate started to drop on the fetal monitor, so I called the nurse in. She promptly had the doctor "check me" only to find out that I was (finally) 10 cm dilated! I remember the doctor checking me, then looking at me and asking "So, are you ready to push?" Ummm, yeah, as ready as I'm going to be! I started to have a mini meltdown at that point (Oh, shit! This is about to get real!) And to make matters worse, doc decided to turn off the medication to the epidural before I started pushing so that I could "feel" my contractions and would know when to push. Awesome! What's the point of an epidural if I'm still going to feel a giant baby coming out my vajayjay?

At the start of pushing, the nurse warned me that first time moms typically take around 1 to 1 1/2 hours to deliver the baby once they start pushing. But stubborn old me was convinced that I would have Dominic out in under 45 minutes. Wrong again! I started pushing at 10:54 AM on Friday morning and Dominic wasn't born until 1:36 PM. Over 2 1/2 hours of pushing. On 3 hours of sleep over 3 days. And no food in over 24 hours. I started out by pushing on a bed, the "normal way" but over the course of the next couple hours ended up on a birthing stool and trying all kinds of crazy techniques to get the baby out. Dominic just did not want to come out! About an hour and a half into the pushing process, I started to get very discouraged. So the doctor says, "Reach down, you can feel his hair." So I did, and low and behold I could feel his hair! I thought for sure I was almost done at that point. But no. He ended up getting stuck in the birth canal. For about an hour. The doctor was worried he was too big and that we might have to end up doing an emergency c-section to get him out. But just in the knick of time, just past the two and a half hour mark, Dominic finally made his way into the world. As it turns out, he was stuck in the birth canal because he had the cord wrapped around his neck twice and it was holding him up. Talk about scary! On top of it all I ended up having multiple blood clots and needing quite a few stitches. As one of my friends once said, "It's a lot easier going in than it is coming out!" Ain't that the truth.

But my little man was finally in my arms. It felt great. Although at that point I was completely delirious. No joke. Aside from the pain, I remember very little about what the doctors said to me during the pushing process. Perhaps it was the pain, or the lack or sleep or the lack of food or a combination of the three. But I was completely out of it. When they handed me Dominic for the first time I remember thinking "Oh my God, he's so much smaller than I imagined. And sooo much cuter." He weighed in at 7 lbs, 12 oz and 20 inches long. Horrendous labor aside, I had a perfectly healthy baby boy.

Let me just say, all those women who say that pushing isn't the painful part of childbirth and that it just feels like a lot of pressure are absolutely, 110%, positively full of shit! I used to think that women were just being drama queens about childbirth being painful, but I'm happy to admit I was dead wrong. (It doesn't happen often, so you can quote me on that). I'm here to tell you it hurts like a bitch, is completely exhausting and is far and away the most horrendous (yet worth it) experience I've ever had in my life. The whole thing brought me to one conclusion: Dominic is going to be an only child! Although I'm aware a 42 hour child birth isn't typical. I guess my extra long and horrible labor was retribution for a 9 month hassle free, awesome pregnancy. Either way, I'm not in a hurry to do that again!

All things aside, my recovery process has been fantastic so far. Within 4 hours of delivering Dominic, I was showered, dressed and ready for visitors. Even the doctors were surprised that I was up and around after the ordeal I went through. But I saw no point in laying around waiting to recover. There's no better way to get back in the game than to just get up and do it.

I brought my little man home on Sunday afternoon, and yet again found myself completely unprepared. I have a tendency to be a know it all sometimes and I just assumed that parenting would be another one of those things I would breeze through. False. Truth is, parenting is just as difficult (albeit rewarding) as everyone tried to tell me. It takes up more time than I ever could have expected, but it is completely worth it. Nursing alone seems like a full time job! My master plan of returning to work full time Monday morning was shot to hell. But that's ok. I managed to get a few hours in, and I've decided I'm ok with taking the transition slow. The thought of slowing down completely freaked me out at first, but then I realized, what's the rush? Work will still be there at the end of the day, but Dominic needs to come first. Almost a week later and I've finally started to get into a little routine. I'm slowly but surely transitioning into my new life as a mommy/business owner. I may not be able to work 14 hour days anymore, but Dominic and I are still going to take over the world. We're just going to do it at our own pace!

The  whole childbirth and parenting experience has been a tremendous eye opener so far. For one, I learned that I'm not always right and sometimes I should listen to what other people tell me. Second, I realized even I have my limitations. I may run around acting like superwoman 99% of the time, but sometimes I just need to slow down and realize I can't do everything, all the time. And lastly, having a child does indeed change everything. Things that seemed so important just a week ago now seem so insignificant. The way I think about things has changed. The way I feel has changed. My entire life has changed. All because of one amazing little person. The feeling is indescribable. It's almost as if I feel like a foreign unknown version of myself. It will take some getting used to, but it's not a bad thing. I often find myself staring at Dominic, just completely amazed that I brought something so wonderful into this world. I love him more every second, minute, day. Having him was hands down the best thing I have ever done in my life thus far. I don't know exactly what the future will bring, but I truly feel like this is the beginning of the rest of my life...

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."