Good Riddance 2011

Wow! I can't believe how fast 2011 has flown by. What a crazy up and down year it has been. It's amazing to think of all the changes I've made in my life in just 12 short months. While I hesitate to say 2011 was a "bad" year, I certainly hope 2012 will be a better year. The last three years have been sub-par, to say the least, with my divorce and the loss of my step dad and best friend so I think I'm long overdue for one kickass awesome year.

Over the past week I've been reflecting on this past year and the things I've learned. I'm happy with the many positive changes this year has brought me, not least of all my beautiful son. I've had a few friends come and go this year, but it has taught me who my true friends are.  Although a few people I thought would always be there left me sorely disappointed, I was also pleasantly surprised by a few certain people who stood by my side through all of my ups and downs. I will be forever grateful to THOSE friends. This year has been a huge lesson in patience. When I decided to regain control of my life and start my own businesses,  I never envisioned it being such a process. I've learned to accept that not everything comes fast and easy, and sometimes things worth waiting for take time. Sometimes it's okay to slow down and enjoy life instead of racing through it on a mission to get to the top. My 9 months of pregnancy and 42 hour labor were also a lesson in patience, ha ha! This year also taught me (once again) that life is full of surprises. At the beginning of 2011, I never would have imagined I would end up back in NY with a baby. But I've learned to take things in stride and I feel like I am more prepared for whatever life throws at me now. 2011 was also a very humbling year. As someone who was successful at a very young age and bought a home at the age of 18, I had a tendency to get on my "high horse" sometimes. But going from living in my own home back to staying with one of my parents (albeit temporary)and starting completely over has had a way of putting me in my place. I've learned that that sometimes it's okay to put your pride aside and accept help from others when they offer it. This year has been a year of moving on. I've learned to deal with the losses I've had over the past 3 years in a more productive way. I've moved forward with my life with the memory of my step dad and best friend close to my heart. And most importantly, I've learned to love someone more than myself again. From the moment I decided to have Dominic, his needs became more important than my own and I knew I would love him more than anything else in the world. Having him was definitely the highlight of my year (and my life thus far). All things considered, I guess 2011 wasn't such a horrible year after all.

I suppose most people see the new year as an opportunity to make positive changes and get a fresh start and I'm no different. I think of all the progress that was made in 2011 and I'm excited to see where this next year will take me. My plan is to become the best mommy (and daddy) I can be this year. I'm all Dominic has and I need to set a good example. This year I'm going to get out of NY (and likely back to Salt Lake City) to begin the next chapter in my life. I'm going to live on my own again so that I can begin to feel like a functional adult once again. I'm going to start working on a plan to buy another house for me and Dominic. This year I'm going to expand my businesses and increase profits. My goal is to hire a few full time employees for each business and have interns each semester. I want to have clients in every state for my marketing firm by the end of the year. And my goal for TT's Attic is to roll out my new and improved top secret idea by June, and to truly start to make a difference with the 20% donations I do each month. My goal is to make a difference in at least one persons life this year, through charity events, volunteering and maybe even some motivational speaking. I've come to believe it is my life's mission to make a difference. I think my life experiences give me the tools necessary to help others and I don't want that to go to waste. I want to go to Ireland this year to Whitepark Bay so I can see the beautiful place my best friend always talked about. I want to spend less time working and more time with my friends and family this year. My goal for the year is to work smarter, not harder. I know I can accomplish these things with the right attitude and determination. It won't be easy but I've always liked a challenge. Oh and I want to make my first million by the time I turn 25 in September, ha ha! Okay that one might be a bit far fetched, but who says I can't try? :) “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”

A big thank you to both of my parents for being so supportive and helpful to me this year. I don't know how I would have done it all without you guys. And an equally big thank you to those friends who have been there for me through this crazy year (you know who you are). I love you guys so much and people like you give me hope for everyone else.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year! Bring it on 2012 - I'm gonna make you my bitch!!! ;)

Happy Festivus!

Happy 1st Christmas to my little protege! Dominic wasn't nearly as excited about the holiday as I was. My little brother and cousin had everyone in the house up by 5:30 AM this morning but my child slept through all the festivities. It was worth getting up early to see how cute he looked in his Christmas pj's though. I love how I wrapped all his gifts just to unwrap them all again myself - totally worth it though just to get me in the Christmas spirit! He ended up making out pretty good - got himself quite a few new clothes and toys, a Bumbo chair, a play mat with a keyboard and a bear that can be programmed to spell his name and play his favorite songs. Next year will be a lot more fun for Dominic, although it was great to spend the holiday with my family in NY for the first time since 2006.  My little man was the hit of all the family parties, I barely got a minute with him on Christmas Eve with all the people who wanted to hold him. Christmas Eve started at my great grandma Katie's house with good company, a five generation picture and the best peanut butter balls ever! Then we moved the party to my grandma's house with her 12 foot Christmas tree. And finally ended the night at my cousin Cory's house for a huge party with my mom's side of the family. It made for a long, exhausting, and fun filled day. I can't wait until next year when Dominic might actually be excited at the prospect of "Santa" coming. "Christmas is for children. But it is for grown-ups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts."

I had myself a couple glasses of wine last night at the Christmas party.  Although it was damn tasty, I must say not entirely worth the hassle of having to pump and make a bunch of bottles in advance. I suppose if I made it 9 months, I can make it another 3 or 4 until I'm done nursing before I decide to partake in drinking adult beverages again. And quite frankly it's not a top priority at this point.

I swear, I fall more in love with my child every time I look at him. When I had Dominic, I expected to be faced with an overwhelming rush of emotion upon seeing him for the first time. But it wasn't like that for me. The first time I saw him, I knew I loved him right away but more than anything else I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that he was safe and healthy. The first week I was focused mainly on getting the hang of things and figuring out how to take care of him. But now that I've got the mommy gig down pat, I've been able to enjoy my time with him more. I find myself spending a lot of time just staring at him, in complete awe that I made him. It amazes me how much personality he has already. His huge smiles crack me up. And he's taken to growling at me when he's hungry. How anyone could not love him is beyond me, this kid couldn't be more perfect if he tried!
 
 

Dominic Crankypants

My child hates me and wants me to keel over from exhaustion. Ok maybe not, but that's what it feels like. I knew Dominic was going to be a night owl if his sleep schedule during my pregnancy was any indication. He acts like a complete angel all day long, but come night time I'm dealing with Jekyll & Hyde. He turns into a holy terror, up nearly every hour, eating like he's starving, screaming his head off and demanding my attention. I can only hope once he gets a little older I'll be able to train him and get him on a schedule that works a little better for me. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I got all my Christmas shopping done yesterday. Gifts bought, wrapped and ready to be put under the tree. Not that Dominic will remember anything this year, but I'm excited regardless. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I can't wait to celebrate it with my little man. Christmas cards went out today too. Better late than never. I only ended up sending them to my family and friends in Utah since I can't be there. If you don't get one it's because I either couldn't find your address or because I procrastinated and forgot half the people on my list. Or I hate you bahahaha.

Now that I'm mostly recovered, back to work and on somewhat of a schedule, my next mission is to get back in shape. I actually can't complain too much considering I just delivered a baby two and a half weeks ago. I daresay I'm damn near close to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I need to tone things up a bit. I get too bored going to the gym, so I'm looking for a dance class or something similar. Zumba, pole dancing, salsa, even kickboxing would be fun. If anyone is aware of places that offer these in the CNY area, please let me know!

I made my selections for my first group of interns. Next on the agenda is developing their training program. They start on January 23rd so I have a few weeks to get everything ironed out. I also need to schedule interviews with my second round of interns from Syracuse University. My goal is to get all this done by the end of the week so I can take a few days off for Christmas. I can't wait to have the extra help. I have a few exciting ideas up my sleeve that they should be able to help me set in motion. A spring fashion show and fundraiser? Don't mind if I do! Watch and learn while I take this to the next level. "You don't become the best by being like the rest."

Guess Who's Back!?

After nine months of pregnancy and an exhausting first week of parenting, I'm beyond excited to announce that Blair is back! I was so worried I would lose myself and my edge upon having Dominic, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Now that my little man and I have gotten into somewhat of a routine, I've been able to start focusing on moving forward with work again. I interviewed my first group of interns this week and things look very promising. Having an addition 5-10 set of hands and fresh ideas for the businesses should be just what the doctor ordered. I became a bit antisocial during pregnancy, but I'm ready to get back in the swing of things now. I'm ready to get out and network with people, ready to travel the world with my protege, and ready to start my new life with amazing people by my side. I haven't felt this optimistic about things in a long time. It feels like months and months of hard work is finally coming together. I know I still have a long way to go, but everything is worth is at the end of the day when I get to cuddle up with the cutest baby in the world.


I debated for the last 3 months of my pregnancy whether or not I should send photos and details about Dominic's birth to his sperm donor. I'm still not sure if I made the right decision, but I opted to send them a few days ago. I've yet to receive a response and I don't expect one, but at least now I can tell Dominic someday that I did everything in my power to try and facilitate a relationship between him and his father. There can never be the excuse "I didn't know when he was born" or anything equally as ridiculous. How he could see photos of this beautiful, perfect baby and not even make an attempt is beyond me. I suspect he may be living in denial. But I guess there are some things in life I will never understand. All of my attempts have been recorded and now I can wash my hands of the situation knowing I did everything I could. I am beginning to believe that things truly do happen for a reason and maybe the only purpose he served in my life was to give me Dominic. Perhaps there is someone out there who will be a better father figure for Dominic someday. And fortunately because I didn't put the sperm donor on his birth certificate, it will be that much easier for someone to step into that role  if and when they come along. But that's enough about that. Onward and upward! “Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair.  However we must keep smiling & moving on.”

Dominic had his two week checkup today. Holy smokes has he grown! Last Tuesday he had a brief doctor visit so his pediatrician could check his weight after leaving the hospital. At that point he had lost 8 ounces and was down to 7 lbs 4 ounces. Today, just over a week later, he was up to 8 lbs 12 ounces! Lets just say he's a good eater.  It appears I have a very healthy (and chubby) baby on my hands and I could not be more grateful!

Chubby Cheeks!

I'm writing this blog post with a little man by my side! Just sayin. At the moment Dominic is fast asleep wearing yellow ducky pj's in his bouncer.  I can't believe how much he's changed in only 10 days. His eyes are now dark brown (even darker than mine), and his chubby cheeks have become even chubbier. He's still cute as ever - that hasn't changed! It amazes me how much personality he has already. I know that sounds silly to say about a newborn, but some of the stuff he does cracks me up. He smiles his sleep, he raises his eyebrows and he even rolls his eyes. I can already tell he's stubborn as a mule. Go figure, the child who takes 42 hours to be born is stubborn, (sensing the sarcasm?)

Nursing is getting a little easier and we are finally starting to develop a little routine. I read him a bedtime story every night before bed. He eats every 3 hours and if he's asleep I wake him up. The last two nights he's slept most of the night except during his feedings. I'm crossing my fingers that tonight will be 3 for 3. I think I'm finally getting the hang of this! I've even managed to get back to working about 5 hours a day. At this rate I'll be back on my A game by the end of the month! One step at a time I suppose.

I'm so damn excited about Dominic's first Christmas. We went to see Santa this past Saturday for a pancake breakfast at Beaver Lake. It was mostly for my benefit, as Dominic just slept the whole time. But I got some great pictures out of the whole thing. I did all of my Christmas shopping online this year and ended up getting him clothes and just a couple toys. I bought him the cutest play gym/mat with a piano he can kick with his feet. He won't be able to use it for a couple more months, but I'm sure he will love it. Or I will love to see him use it. Either way. Next on the agenda after the holidays is making a trip out to Utah to introduce Dominic to all of our family and friends out there. I miss everyone so much and I can't wait for them to meet my new little sidekick!

"Gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside. No matter what is going on outside of us, there's always something we could be grateful for."

Dominic's Birth Story

Here's the post you've all been waiting patiently for! My little rockstar has indeed arrived! DISCLAIMER: If you don't care to hear all the gory details of my "childbirth" experience, turn back now. If you are currently pregnant and don't want to end up terrified about your impending birth, I suggest you also stop reading. Now without further ado, Dominic's birth story...

My November 24th due date came and passed with no signs of a little turkey. So my doctor set an induction date for November 30th at 7 PM. Lets just say it's a damn good thing I had no idea what I was getting into and I went into the whole labor experience with an open mind. Just about any and all "birth plans" I had went completely out the window.

Going into the induction I was only 1 cm dilated, so the plan was to give me two rounds of drugs - cervadil and pitocin - to jumpstart my labor. At the start of the induction, the doctors warned me that it could be quite the lengthy process, although I was convinced Dominic would come sooner than later. Wishful thinking on my part!

At the start of day 1, I felt prepared and ready to evict my little man! My mom, dad and grandma all came with me to the hospital and were in it for the long haul. I was all smiles and posing for pictures, but that would soon change. 12 hours after receiving the cervadil, I was only dilated to a 3, so doctors decided to give me another drug, which they only referred to as "meso", to further dilate me. After 2 rounds and about  10 hours of "meso", the doctors decided it was time to break my water to speed things up. About 22 hours into the induction and I finally started to make progress. Kinda. Around this time I met a lovely nurse who told me an absolutely horrendous story about a fatal cord accident at the hospital. Call me crazy but that's not the best thing to tell a woman in active labor, ready to give birth to her first child.

But at the start of day 2, I was still in good spirits. My water had been broke, I was finally dilated to a 5, and I was having regular contractions that were noticeable but not terribly painful. The birth was certainly taking longer than I expected but up until this point I was still sticking to my "unmedicated" birth plan. At this point I met another interesting nurse who provided me with a little entertainment during my otherwise boring hospital stay. She came in to check on me and she looked at the 3D ultrasound photo I had on my phone of Dominic. "Oh my god, what a cute baby!" she exclaimed. "Looking at his picture just makes you want to pull out your boob and have him start sucking on it" she continued. Umm, what!? Did you really just say what I think you did? My mom and I were both holding back laughter. Where the hell did this hospital hire their nurses?

10 hours later, going onto hour 32 of induction, my positive facade started to deteriorate. Rapidly. I was going on 2 hours of sleep over 2 days, and a liquids only diet. I was tired, anxious and in pain. Screw "unmedicated" birth, give me the drugs! I opted for an epidural at that point, and the next 7 hours were glorious. Good-bye pain, hello tingly numb legs!

And then...all the fun started. I started to feel a pressure that was not there before, and Dominic's heart rate started to drop on the fetal monitor, so I called the nurse in. She promptly had the doctor "check me" only to find out that I was (finally) 10 cm dilated! I remember the doctor checking me, then looking at me and asking "So, are you ready to push?" Ummm, yeah, as ready as I'm going to be! I started to have a mini meltdown at that point (Oh, shit! This is about to get real!) And to make matters worse, doc decided to turn off the medication to the epidural before I started pushing so that I could "feel" my contractions and would know when to push. Awesome! What's the point of an epidural if I'm still going to feel a giant baby coming out my vajayjay?

At the start of pushing, the nurse warned me that first time moms typically take around 1 to 1 1/2 hours to deliver the baby once they start pushing. But stubborn old me was convinced that I would have Dominic out in under 45 minutes. Wrong again! I started pushing at 10:54 AM on Friday morning and Dominic wasn't born until 1:36 PM. Over 2 1/2 hours of pushing. On 3 hours of sleep over 3 days. And no food in over 24 hours. I started out by pushing on a bed, the "normal way" but over the course of the next couple hours ended up on a birthing stool and trying all kinds of crazy techniques to get the baby out. Dominic just did not want to come out! About an hour and a half into the pushing process, I started to get very discouraged. So the doctor says, "Reach down, you can feel his hair." So I did, and low and behold I could feel his hair! I thought for sure I was almost done at that point. But no. He ended up getting stuck in the birth canal. For about an hour. The doctor was worried he was too big and that we might have to end up doing an emergency c-section to get him out. But just in the knick of time, just past the two and a half hour mark, Dominic finally made his way into the world. As it turns out, he was stuck in the birth canal because he had the cord wrapped around his neck twice and it was holding him up. Talk about scary! On top of it all I ended up having multiple blood clots and needing quite a few stitches. As one of my friends once said, "It's a lot easier going in than it is coming out!" Ain't that the truth.

But my little man was finally in my arms. It felt great. Although at that point I was completely delirious. No joke. Aside from the pain, I remember very little about what the doctors said to me during the pushing process. Perhaps it was the pain, or the lack or sleep or the lack of food or a combination of the three. But I was completely out of it. When they handed me Dominic for the first time I remember thinking "Oh my God, he's so much smaller than I imagined. And sooo much cuter." He weighed in at 7 lbs, 12 oz and 20 inches long. Horrendous labor aside, I had a perfectly healthy baby boy.

Let me just say, all those women who say that pushing isn't the painful part of childbirth and that it just feels like a lot of pressure are absolutely, 110%, positively full of shit! I used to think that women were just being drama queens about childbirth being painful, but I'm happy to admit I was dead wrong. (It doesn't happen often, so you can quote me on that). I'm here to tell you it hurts like a bitch, is completely exhausting and is far and away the most horrendous (yet worth it) experience I've ever had in my life. The whole thing brought me to one conclusion: Dominic is going to be an only child! Although I'm aware a 42 hour child birth isn't typical. I guess my extra long and horrible labor was retribution for a 9 month hassle free, awesome pregnancy. Either way, I'm not in a hurry to do that again!

All things aside, my recovery process has been fantastic so far. Within 4 hours of delivering Dominic, I was showered, dressed and ready for visitors. Even the doctors were surprised that I was up and around after the ordeal I went through. But I saw no point in laying around waiting to recover. There's no better way to get back in the game than to just get up and do it.

I brought my little man home on Sunday afternoon, and yet again found myself completely unprepared. I have a tendency to be a know it all sometimes and I just assumed that parenting would be another one of those things I would breeze through. False. Truth is, parenting is just as difficult (albeit rewarding) as everyone tried to tell me. It takes up more time than I ever could have expected, but it is completely worth it. Nursing alone seems like a full time job! My master plan of returning to work full time Monday morning was shot to hell. But that's ok. I managed to get a few hours in, and I've decided I'm ok with taking the transition slow. The thought of slowing down completely freaked me out at first, but then I realized, what's the rush? Work will still be there at the end of the day, but Dominic needs to come first. Almost a week later and I've finally started to get into a little routine. I'm slowly but surely transitioning into my new life as a mommy/business owner. I may not be able to work 14 hour days anymore, but Dominic and I are still going to take over the world. We're just going to do it at our own pace!

The  whole childbirth and parenting experience has been a tremendous eye opener so far. For one, I learned that I'm not always right and sometimes I should listen to what other people tell me. Second, I realized even I have my limitations. I may run around acting like superwoman 99% of the time, but sometimes I just need to slow down and realize I can't do everything, all the time. And lastly, having a child does indeed change everything. Things that seemed so important just a week ago now seem so insignificant. The way I think about things has changed. The way I feel has changed. My entire life has changed. All because of one amazing little person. The feeling is indescribable. It's almost as if I feel like a foreign unknown version of myself. It will take some getting used to, but it's not a bad thing. I often find myself staring at Dominic, just completely amazed that I brought something so wonderful into this world. I love him more every second, minute, day. Having him was hands down the best thing I have ever done in my life thus far. I don't know exactly what the future will bring, but I truly feel like this is the beginning of the rest of my life...

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."

Mr. Stubborn

Well, it appears I have one stubborn baby on my hands. Dominic has proudly taken over my body as his bachelor pad and shows no signs of vacating the premises on his own. So, at this rate I'll be due for an induction on Wednesday or Thursday. I should know more after my doctors appointment tomorrow. These last few days have dragged on soooo slowly. Although it hasn't been half as bad as some women make it sound. I'm uncomfortable, sure, and yes, I now walk with a waddle but it hasn't been THAT horrible. More than anything else I'm just impatient. Less than a week, baby, less than a week!

Thanksgiving turned out pretty well. I was able to spend time with my dad and both sides of my extended family, and spent the weekend putting up the Christmas tree. I just love the holidays and the food was even more appealing as a 9 month pregnant woman! This was the first Thanksgiving I had spent with my dad in NY in about 10 years and it was nice to spend the holiday with him and the rest of my family. It was definitely different than what I've become accustomed to though. I can't help but miss the big Thanksgivings with 20+ people at my mom and step dads house. Time for new traditions I suppose. By next year I should have a new place of my own (who knows where?) and maybe I'll start a new tradition for me and Dominic.

The closer I get to holding my little man, the more I miss my best friend, Talese. There hasn't been a day that's gone by over the past year that I haven't thought of her, but she's been consuming my thoughts even more these days. I can't help but think she should be here by my side when I have Dominic. I can only imagine the advice she would have for me. Hopefully she'll at least be there in spirit. I miss her so much.

I think I might be getting myself some interns for both of my businesses at the beginning of next semester. As I was laying in bed trying to sleep the other night I had a stroke of genius (it happens from time to time). There I was stressing about how I need help for the boutique and the marketing firm. Big time. And then it came to me. Interns. Duh! So I contacted two of the universities close to me, Syracuse University and Oswego State, and it turns out both businesses qualify for the internship program. Basically I post positions through the universities, and in exchange for working for me the interns get college credit. Genius! So, I think I'll be posting 3 positions for my marketing firm and 2 for my boutique. If you know of any students who would be interested, please let me know. By all means, the team of contractors I hired have helped a lot with my busy work but I need more specialized/professional employees to help with some of my bigger projects and tasks. I think this will be a great way to do it without spending an arm and a leg, and maybe I'll even end up with permanent employees. It's at least worth a shot! I'm excited for all the ideas and plans I have coming up in the next few months. Hopefully they will be just what I need to give business that extra little push and allow me to have more free time for Dominic. And if not, then it's back to the drawing board and I'll keep trying until I get it right! I have to set a positive example for my little protege, after all :)

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. "

My Little Turkey...

Happy early Thanksgiving! Tomorrow is my due date - I can not believe it! I really thought Dominic would be here by now - this entire pregnancy I felt like he would come early, but apparently he's nice and comfy and doesn't want to leave yet. Went to the doctors today and he said I'm only 1 cm dilated. So unless Dominic decides to come on his own they will be inducing me next Wednesday or Thursday. I have another appointment Monday to schedule the induction for one of those two days. Yee-haw! So in a weeks time I will FINALLY have little Dominic in my arms. I'm so excited, nervous, scared, elated and anxious all rolled into one. It will be interesting to see if he decides to make his debut before then or if we will have to force him out. They are already estimating his weight at over 8 lbs so I have a feeling he's going to be a big baby. And every time I go in for an ultrasound the techs laugh because they can see his little hair floating around in there. No bald baby for me! I just can't wait to see what he looks like. Hopefully I'm not forgetting anything in my 3 hospital bags that I packed (hey, wouldn't want to be stuck there without something!) because ready or not, here he comes...


"It was the tiniest thing I ever decided to put my whole life into."

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are...

I know it's been awhile with no update - I've been crazy busy the last few weeks and it doesn't look like life is about to slow down at all! To answer the big question - yes, Dominic is still hibernating. Today is exactly one week away from my due date. Where the hell have the last 9 months gone? This pregnancy has gone by so fast and easy I can hardly believe it. All those people who bitch and moan about how rough pregnancy is really make me wonder. Maybe I've just been lucky. After all, I never even did buy maternity clothes. The old rubber band around the button of my pants trick worked wonders. I will admit though, the last week or so I've become increasingly anxious. I just want him here. RIGHT MEOW. I'm done being patient.

Am I nervous about my impending due date? Pshhh, never. What's there to be nervous about? Giving birth to a 7 - 9 pound baby? That's a walk in the park. Going through a long labor with (hopefully) no pain medication? Bring it on. Bringing home a tiny little human that I'm going to be solely responsible for? I may or may not be fucking terrified.

For my baby shower one of my friends got me a "belly cast" to make a mold of my pregnant belly. I did it last weekend because who knows how much longer I'll be housing a baby. It's a cool little gift, but I don't know what to do with it now that it's done. I've got this mold of these giant boobs and belly sitting in my room and to be honest it's a bit creepy! I guess I'll put it in storage.

So for now I go back to waiting. I'm no good at this game. Guess I'll just continue life as usual in the meantime - still working everyday, still staying active and still daydreaming about holding the little baby living inside me for the past 9 months. Come on Dominic, I'm ready when you are!


"Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current."

You're Evicted!

I've just about decided it's time to evict Dominic. Pregnancy has been lovely, but I'm ready to have my little man in my arms and not my belly. I want my body back. Pretty sure he "dropped" about 3 days ago, because I can feel it in my inner thighs and all over. Getting out of bed and bending over is becoming a chore. And I waddle when I walk. Come on baby, don't make me wait any longer!

Everything is ready for the big arrival. Crib is put together. Car seat, stroller and hospital bag are in the car and ready to go. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I still can't believe how fast these 9 months have flown by. I never did get to do the pre-natal yoga class, but that's ok. I've come to realize that I'm only one person and even I have my limitations. Dominic has everything he needs (and then some!) so that's what really matters. I just can't wait to kiss his beautiful little face!

Still keeping my fingers crossed for a natural delivery. The less down time, the better. I don't think I'm going to take any "official" time off work. Yes, I know I'll have to slow down for a bit but I see no reason why I can't at least get some work done while Dominic is asleep. I guess I'll just play it by ear. I'm also in a big hurry to get back in shape. Not that I'm concerned with the baby weight I put on (19 lbs total) because it's barely crossed my mind at all and all things considered I look pretty good. But I don't want to be one of those people who has a baby and then all the sudden looks sub-par. Having a baby? Awesome! Having a post-baby "mom" body? Not so much!

"A new baby is like the beginning of all things. Hope. A dream of possibilities."

All I Need Is Just A Little Patience...

My apologies to anyone who texted or sent me messages yesterday - I wasn't trying to be rude or ignore anyone, but I was at doctors appointments from 7 AM until after 5 PM. I was less than impressed with the perinatal center. My appointment took about 3 hours longer than it should have, the staff was less than friendly and the place itself looked really shabby. At least the doctor was thorough. After a long, stressful day I was cranky and frustrated. And by the time I got home I was beyond tired and hungry and didn't feel like talking to anyone.

So after a series of ultrasounds, and a biophysical markup on Dominic the perinatal specialist was unable to find any other red flags or problems. His heart looks good, he's moving a lot, taking practice breaths, growing like a weed and all of his other organs look good! So what does that mean? Basically they don't know what's causing the swelling on the brain. They said most often when this is the only problem (as it is in this case) it will resolve itself after birth without any negative effects on the baby. However, there are some things they can't test for until he's born so they will continue to monitor him for the first year or two to make sure the swelling doesn't get worse and there aren't any other issues. So the appointment went as well as it could have - huge sigh of relief there. Still keeping my fingers crossed that he's born safe and healthy, but at least I'm no longer losing sleep over the issue. They see no reason to induce me early at this point, so now I just wait....and NOT very patiently, might I add...for my little man to arrive! I'm full term now so the big day could come anytime now :)

Haven't posted about business in awhile but I've been making some serious progress. As far as the marketing firm goes, everything is in place for business to take off, except two things. I still need salespeople and I need to create a more effective and user-friendly training program. Should be fairly easy to resolve those issues. On top of the changes I made to make our services more custom and personalized, I've been doing a lot of work with start up companies. It creates more work for me, but it would be amazing PR for the company if even one of the start ups takes off and we are credited as their marketing/advertising firm. As far as the boutique goes, we're getting bigger everyday! I've have two models who have modeled and promoted for me. I have new inventory. I've found a few new charities to support. And I've been networking like crazy. I'm glad I didn't launch the "new and improved" boutique in October as I had originally planned. By all means, I still plan on launching it. But I think doing it too soon would be business suicide. The more happy customers I have when I launch, the more my idea will take off. I would love to see my "competition" try and steal or recreate this idea once I launch it. To do so would create an even bigger mockery of their already failing business. It's a pretty pathetic state of affairs for their business when I've had multiple people approach me and ask me if this boutique (which shall not be named) has been stealing my ideas. Yeah, it's that obvious. But I guess that's bound to happen when you have good ideas, drive and leadership ability. I'm starting to find the whole thing flattering. "Integrity is the most valuable quality of leadership. Always keep your word."

I can't wait to see what the next year brings for me and Dominic. I'm starting to see some of my goals come to fruition. And I've come to realize who and what is important in my life. I know WHAT I'm going to be doing, but I still don't know where yet. Boston and San Diego are still topping my list of places that would be great for business and education for Dominic.  But I'm keeping my options open to ALL possibilities at this point. All I need now is my little man and I'll be ready to take over the world...

No It's Not a Rant...Not Quite...

Happy Halloween (almost)! I can't believe October is nearly over already. I went to a Halloween party for a few hours on Saturday. It was good to get out, but with everything going on this past week I didn't have time to get a costume so I felt out of place. I ended up creating a makeshift cowgirl costume using a cowboy hat, boots and hobby horse. Next Halloween will be more exciting - hopefully I'll have a new place to decorate and a little man to dress up! Too soon to get excited? Never.

I'm not going to rant, because quite frankly I no longer have the energy or desire to focus on the negative at this point in my life. But I do have some comments and observations to make about a few things. I've come to believe that people who lie, tell others what they want to hear and/or string people along often do so to mask their own insecurities. If you happen to be one of those people who showers your friends or potential dates with compliments just to keep them around when you don't really mean it, you should probably take a long hard look at yourself. What that tells me is that you're insecure and so afraid of being by yourself that you'll do whatever it takes to keep people "on the sidelines" so you never have to be alone. True confidence comes in taking a chance on one person or a few people you truly believe in, and accepting the risk that things may not work out. If you need "backup" friends or "dates" you have a serious self esteem issue.  That's not to say there's anything wrong with keeping your options open, because there absolutely isn't. Just be honest about it. Anyone can lie or mislead others to keep people around, but true confidence comes in being honest with others and having them still want you to be around. Lying and stringing people along is for pussies. Stop hiding behind your lies and don't say things you don't mean  - have the balls to lay things on the line and own up to your shit. If you can't do that, don't bother speaking to me. End of my non-rant. "Never make someone a priority who only considers you an option."

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed about my specialist appointment on Friday. I'm hoping my positive thoughts will yield a positive outcome. In the meantime, I'm taking comfort in the little things - each time Dominic moves, looking at all the cute things in his nursery, staring at his picture. I couldn't love this kid more!

The Most Beautiful Baby I've Ever Seen...

I thought long and hard about whether or not to post about this, but decided to go for it since I've had a couple days to think. And after all, that's what I created this blog for in the first place. First things first, I got to see Dominic on the 3D ultrasound the other day! He looks almost exactly as I had pictured him - big lips, huge chubby cheeks, and yes I could even see his hair. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my life. I wish he had been a little more cooperative when the ultrasound tech was taking photos. He had his hands up by his face and looks a bit distorted in the few photos we did get.  But you can still tell how absolutely adorable he is. They estimated his weight to be just over 6 pounds right now, so I've definitely got a good sized baby on my hands.

After I got to see him on the ultrasound, the doctor came in to go over everything with me. The doctor then informed me that she was concerned because one of the ventricles in Dominic's brain was enlarged and the brain was appearing slightly swollen on the ultrasound. Apparently this is a fairly rare issue known as ventriculomegaly. The doctor also expressed concerns about his heart rate because it kept dropping throughout the ultrasound. Up until that point, we hadn't had any issues on previous ultrasounds, tests or fetal heart monitors. This news left me beyond scared, surprised, and worried. I couldn't imagine something being wrong with this beautiful baby I had just seen on the ultrasound.

Long story short, after a series of monitors and a fetal EKG with a pediatric cardiologist this morning, they assured me they don't think anything is wrong with Dominic's heart and they think perhaps the drops in heart rate the other day were attributed to his position. Huge sigh of relief there! Not completely out of the woods yet though. I meet with a perinatal specialist next Friday the 4th to have a more in depth ultrasound and possible fetal MRI on his brain. My doctor said if the issue doesn't worsen, it could resolve itself before or after birth. If it does worsen, then they may have to induce me early and/or possibly place a shunt in Dominic's brain after birth to reduce the swelling. And then we also have the issue of figuring out what caused the enlargement to begin with. The doctor said the issue could be genetic or physiological or could be caused by another health problem. I'm trying not to stress too much until we have more concrete answers from the specialist, but it's impossible not to. I'm hoping the additional testing is just a precaution and the tests next Friday will go as well as the ones today. I will keep everyone posted as soon as I have more information. I normally don't buy into religion but I sure have been doing a lot of "praying" since I got this news. Regardless of the outcome, Dominic will be here soon and I think he is absolutely perfect!  

"Parenting is a stage of life's journey where the milestones come about every fifty feet."

8 1/2 Down, 1 Month To Go...

Tomorrow will be exactly one month from my due date! I know I've said it before but I can't believe how fast time flies by. I can only imagine how fast Dominic is going to grow and how fast time will sneak up on me once he's here. I haven't even seen him yet and I'm already worried about him growing up so fast. I organized all of his little clothes this weekend. I think I may have gone just a bit overboard with his wardrobe - he has over 30 hats already. Soon I'll be looking at all these cute things on the most perfect baby ever, instead of just looking at them sitting in a drawer. Crazy!

I've been missing my friends and family in Utah like crazy these past few weeks. Coming to NY has been extremely beneficial for me in terms of getting my life back together and focusing on business. But I miss my people. I have this overwhelming feeling that I need to get out there and see everyone soon, a few people in particular. I'm really hoping to make a trip to Salt Lake City around Christmas/New Years time. I can't wait - what an epic reunion it will be!

I'm still trying to decide on a costume for a Halloween party this coming Friday - any suggestions? I've been going back and forth between being something cute or something funny. I think funny is going to win this year. Unless I think of something else in the meantime, I'm leaning towards Virgin Mary or a pregnant nun. Sacrilegious? Maybe. But still hilarious in my book. Dominic can be my little "immaculate conception". Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I lost my sense of humor. "It's hard to be funny if you have to be clean"

Full Term! Well Almost...

Just over 5 weeks til my due date and 3 more weeks until I'm considered "full term" - woo hoo! This pregnancy is flying by, I can't believe it's almost time to meet this little baby that's been inhabiting my body for the better part of a year. I have this crazy feeling Dominic will be coming early. I don't know why, as I have no real reason to think that but it's just a hunch. Time to get his crib put together and our hospital bag ready. Is it weird that I'm getting increasingly nervous to leave my house the closer I get to my due date? I have this huge fear of my water breaking in a public place. Yikes!

I have my final ultrasound next week. I can't wait to see what Dominic looks like now that he doesn't resemble an alien so much. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he's in a head down position like a good boy. I really, really, really don't want a C-section. The less down time I have, the happier I will be. Happy mom = happy baby. Soon I'll be writing these posts with a little protege by my side - so damn crazy! "Sometimes the littlest things in life change you forever."

Oh Boy!

6 more weeks, 6 more weeks, 6 more weeks! Yeah, that's not excitement or anything. Maybe just a little. Not gonna lie, the closer it gets and the more I sit and actually contemplate having a child of my own, the more I start to get nervous. Everyone has said it's a life changing moment and you'll never understand it until you experience it. I think about how much my life has changed already, and I can't even fathom the way I'm going to feel when I see Dominic for the first time. The reality is setting in more and more each day, and it's making me anxious. In a good way, but anxious nonetheless. With such a smooth pregnancy thus far, it's easy to assume that being a parent will be just as easy. But I know it won't be. Good thing I'm a fast learner and I'm more than ready for a challenge. Doctor says I've got a very active, healthy baby growing inside me so I have a feeling I'm going to have my hands full. Bring it on baby! “Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.”

Things are still coming together quite nicely with both of my businesses, TT's Attic and The Alpha Omega Solution. When I first started my businesses I had no idea that being a business owner could be so time consuming and stressful at times. I had always been successful in my previous jobs as a stock broker and mortgage broker. I would start working for a company, figure out how things worked and quickly move up the ladder, often surpassing even my own expectations. But starting your own business is a COMPLETELY different ball game. There is no structure to figure out. There is no ladder to climb. And there are no asses to kiss. Because you create the structure, you build the ladder and it's your ass you want people to be kissing.  When I have days where progress seems slow I remind myself that it's the small victories that matter and that will eventually get me to my goals. If I've come this far and learned so much in less than a years time, I can only imagine the great things in store for the future. At this point I can feel the pieces slowly moving together everyday. I'm sure I'll make more mistakes and get knocked down a few more times along the way, but trial and error is part of process. I'm no longer afraid of change. I will persevere.

 Eventually I will be moving The Baby Mama Chronicles to a different location. I resisted the urge earlier to register a domain and start building a website. I promised myself I would not take on any additional projects until I finish some of the ones I'm already working on, although it's very tempting. My vision is to have a custom Baby Mama Chronicles website with a logo, photo gallery and blog. Hopefully by the end of the year I'll have it up and running, as it will be a great way for everyone to view updates and pictures of Dominic all in one place. Just another one of my many ideas coming soon to an interweb near you. Stay tuned!

I've been missing my BFF, Talese, a lot lately. I have missed her everyday since she left us but some days are worse than others. Her absence has felt a lot more noticeable this past week or so. Sometimes it's hard to be friends with other people after having her in my life because most people just don't measure up. Some days I look at other people and get so disappointed at their poor character, poor decisions and overall lack of caring for other people.  But before I get too discouraged something always happens and I am reminded that there ARE still good people out there, even if they are rare. And I remember that even through all of her trials, Talese never got jaded or bitter. She kept right on loving more people and that's one of the things I loved most about her. She inspires me everyday to keep moving forward and to keep loving people even if they hurt me. Because when you find those rare people like her it makes putting up with all the other ones completely worth it!

6 More Weeks Til a Rockstar is Born!

Sigh! I'm glad I finally have a minute to actually post. The past few weeks have been crazy with business growing and me trying to get everything ready for Dominic's arrival. I finally got his nursery bedding over the weekend, and no surprise, changed my mind yet again. I loved the pirate theme I picked out before, but when I found an adorable blue ensemble of a "rockstar" monkey playing a guitar, I knew it was perfect. I also put together his jogging stroller and infant car seat and put them in the car so they are all ready to go! Now I just need to get his room painted, crib put together and a bag packed for the hospital. Hopefully when some of this craziness subsides I'll have time to start blogging on a more regular basis again.

I wish I hadn't procrastinated so much on finding a place to do cord blood banking. I've known I want to do it since my first trimester, but with everything else going on I haven't had much time to weigh my options until now. I really hope I have time to research things a bit more and find a reputable place to  store Dominic's cord blood before it's too late. Has anyone else done cord blood banking and does anyone have any recommendations on a reputable/affordable storage facility?

Today I was forced to make a very difficult decision and cut some people from my life. The whole situation has been a bit discouraging and disappointing to me, although I believe it's for the best. Unfortunately, you can't change other people; you can only change the way you react to them. People are going to hurt you, make you sad and piss you off throughout your life. Sometimes you see it coming and sometimes it's the people you least expect. But no matter what the situation, dwelling on it or letting it get you down serves no purpose. I refuse to become bitter. I refuse to become jaded. I am going to keep on looking for the good in people. I am going to keep making the "right" decisions for myself and my child. And I am going to keep focusing on those rare but amazing people who still give me hope for the human race. "The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck!"

Just Another Controversial Post...

Somewhere in my vast amounts of pregnancy/parenting research, I stumbled upon the controversial topic of vaccinations. Prior to coming across this, I honestly hadn't put much thought into the topic. I had always just accepted that immunizations were a "normal" part of a child's healthcare. But the more I look into the statistics, the more leery I become. Now that's not to say I've become some "hippie" who completely opposes all forms of medicine and won't get my child vaccinated at all. There are certain illnesses I would never want to put Dominic at risk for, and as such I will have him vaccinated against them. I'm simply stating, I think the subject at least warrants some more research before I just consent to whatever the doctor recommends. I spent some time today talking to two different and very educated friends on the subject and I've come to the conclusion that although some immunizations do have more benefit than harm, there are others that might be unnecessary. For example, how many children actually carry a risk of contracting Hepatitis B? Is the number of children who have a reaction from the immunization higher than the rate of infection? What, if any, is the correlation between certain vaccinations and autism? Is there any link between vaccines and an increased rate of SIDS? And what's with the chicken pox vaccine? I never had it, I did get chicken pox as a child and I survived just fine. Some might argue that not getting your child vaccinated is "wrong" or neglectful, but I beg to differ. The only thing that would be "wrong" or neglectful is to not conduct your own research and just blindly accept what your doctor is telling you as fact. How reliable are the pharmaceutical companies anyway? There's a damn pill or shot for EVERYTHING these days. Ever stop to think some of these are just money making machines and might be unnecessary, if not harmful? Being a parent is challenging and scary enough as it is. The least we can do as parents is dedicate a little bit of our time to decide what's best for our children and individual situations. If you're a parent who does the research and you end up deciding you want your child to get all the vaccinations, more power to you. But at least educate yourself so you can make an informed decision. I know I'm going to...

“Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation.”

Cold Weather Blues...

Happy October! I must say, it took every ounce of enthusiasm I had to feign excitement in that statement. I'm actually a really big fan of Halloween season, I've just been feeling lethargic and out of it the last few days. It probably doesn't help that I think I'm coming down with something - my throat hurts, body aches and I've been sneezing like crazy. Business is still making progress like crazy but I can't help and get a little discouraged every now and then. Although my freelancers have helped tremendously  I still have way too much to do and never enough time. I wish I could just clone myself about 5 times. Then things would get done. The right way! If I only had one thing to focus on like most normal people I might be ok, but per usual I take on as many projects as possible and often find myself spread too thin - two businesses, getting ready for baby, trying to plan for upcoming charity and fundraising events, the list goes on. I just keep reminding myself of the light at the end of the tunnel. Someday (hopefully sooner than later) when my businesses are uber-successful and I'm making a difference in the world with my little protege by my side, everything will have been worth it!

It's really disheartening to me that out of ALL the people I know (and I know quite a few) only 5 have found it in their heart to either donate or volunteer their time for this year's Out of the Darkness walk. Now, before I get inundated with excuses as to why YOU can't help, I am fully aware that some people have legitimate reasons for not participating. If that's the case, you're off the hook. But if you just read the last few sentences and still have a guilty conscience, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Donate $5. Hell, donate 3 hours of your time this upcoming Saturday October 8th for a good cause. It won't kill you. In fact, it might save someone else! Donate here or join team "There Is Always Hope". A big thank you to those of you who have donated or are planning to join me for this very important event! “Many small people, in many small places, do many small things, that can alter the face of the world.”

On a more positive note, I received the cutest box full of handmade baby blankets, pillows, and other various items from my younger step brother and sister last week. They are in Salt Lake City and I miss them a lot! It made me smile to know they were thinking of me and Dominic and took the time to make so many cute (and interesting) things. I think the thing that cracked me up the most was the Batman cape my little sis made - she's got the right idea, my kid is obviously going to be a super hero! Thanks Mikey and Sarah! Also wanted to give a big thanks to one of my good friends, Krista, for buying me a prenatal massage gift certificate. It's much needed and I can't wait to use it. When everything else is going wrong, it's nice to know there are still some good people in my life that I can count on.

Private School vs Public School

Giddy up for Fridays! What a busy week - I am in definite need of a couple days off. And by "days off" I mean me most likely still working because I have a hard time not working for any length of time. I had my 32 week check up yesterday. Doc says Dominic still sounds great, heartbeat was 150 and he is still measuring perfectly for his due date. But I'm not surprised - this is one perfect child in the making!

Among many other things, I've been putting a lot of thought into Dominic's education. Yes, I'm fully aware he's not even here yet and he won't be going to school for another five years after that. But it's always good to have a plan for the future even if that plan changes along the way. I've been looking into private schools all over the country so I can see what all of his options are. I have nothing against public schools. Hell, I went to public school and got along just fine. But quite frankly the state of some public schools these days scares the hell out of me. And who knows where the education system will be in another five years when Dominic is ready for school. As long as I have the financial means when the time comes, I see nothing wrong with giving him an opportunity I didn't have. I always wanted to go to private school growing up, I even went and interviewed at Choate Rosemary Hall in Connecticut when I was in 8th grade. It just wasn't feasible for me to be able to go. Before anyone gets started, I'm well aware that there's a fine line between encouraging Dominic to be successful and pushing my dreams on him. I'll support him no matter who he is or what he decides to do. And no, I don't want him to ever been one of those spoiled rich kids who gets everything handed to him on a silver platter. Nothing annoys me more than people who have a sense of entitlement. But is there really anything so wrong with giving him all the resources possible to be successful? And what's so bad about hoping he goes to Harvard!? ;)

“It is one thing to show your child the way, and a harder thing to then stand out of it.”

I'm Not Prissy, But...

Today I took my tour of the maternity ward at Crouse Hospital where I'll be delivering Dominic. Overall, I didn't learn much more than what I already knew from my doctor and the hospital website. However, I was a bit disappointed with the way the labor/delivery and patient rooms were set up. Most of the hospitals I've encountered up to this point have evolved, complete with birthing suites where the patients deliver baby and stay in the same room, sans a roommate. But much to my chagrin, I found out I will be delivering in one room and staying in another, which may or may not be private. Apparently the hospital does have some private maternity rooms, but they are first come, first serve and there is no way to reserve or pay more to guarantee one. Way to burst my bubble! I'm normally not picky or snobby, but I sure as hell don't want to share my first days with Dominic with some stranger who is separated by a curtain. The whole thing seems a bit antiquated to me. And with the amount of money the hospital will be getting on the deal, I want a private room damn it! On the bright side, I'm at least thankful that the hospital does encourage rooming-in, where Dominic will stay in the room with me as much as possible, barring any complications. I guess for now I'll just keep my fingers crossed that I don't deliver at the same time as a hundred other expectant mamas, and that a private room will be available when Dominic decides to greet the outside world.

I'm not going to go on another big tangent about crazy people who stalk me, because I've already had that rant. However, I will say thank you - the attention is very flattering (albeit a little frightening). It's reassuring that some people find my business sense and life so amazing, they find it necessary to mimic my behaviors literally to a point of quoting me verbatim and passing it off as their own. Next time you're trying to pass for me, quote this, "It is far better to be a first rate version of yourself, than a SECOND RATE version of someone else." :)

Baby Showers, Boutiques & A Beautiful Weekend!

Wow, what a weekend! Although it was very tiring, I have to say this weekend was the perfect combination of fun, busy, productive and exactly what I needed. I had my baby shower yesterday and I'm super thrilled with the way it turned out. Everyone loved the brunch theme and the caterers did a great job with the food. The venue was nice. The cake tasted great. Had a pretty good turnout. My mom even ordered me a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers so I could have a little something to remind me of my best friend there with me. And that's not to mention all the adorable baby gear I got for my little protege. Thanks so much to everyone who came - it was great to see everyone and I'm very appreciative of the lovely gifts. Pictures will be posted within a day or two!

I had my fall boutique & fundraiser today to sell some of my items from TT's Attic and raise money for team "There Is Always Hope". I didn't have a very big turnout but I fared decent with those who did show up. On the bright side, at least the weather was nice and I was able to make some good connections with other people in the area. I'm very much looking forward to the next few months and the new direction the boutique is taking. The launch of the new and improved TT's Attic is going to take a little longer than I anticipated but that's ok because I would rather wait for everything to be just perfect. I'm thinking I will unveil everything just in time for January 2012. Here's a few hints; we will still be carrying the same affordable, edgy merchandise that you love. Our vision of caring and giving back to the community has and will not change - 20% will still be donated to a different charity every month. The new and improved TT's Attic will offer a more personalized fashion experience for our fans. And most importantly, our innovative idea will set us apart from our competition and we know that you'll absolutely love it! Thanks to everyone for the support since our inception last December - I can't wait to show you all what we have in store! “Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”

I have another busy week ahead, but I'm happy with that because more stuff is getting checked off the "to do" list everyday. I have 3 new contractors starting tomorrow for The Alpha Omega Solution, so that should help with some of my workload. Another baby doctor appointment is scheduled for Thursday, and I've finally managed to work in some much needed "ME" time. I managed to set aside a couple hours to get my hair cut and styled this week - yay! Who'd have thought I'd ever get so excited over something that used to be routine for me. It seems like I haven't had my hair done in forever because I haven't had the time and quite frankly it hasn't been a priority. I'm very much looking forward to my grooming.

As the days pass by, my anxiety and stress is slowly becoming replaced with an increasing level of excitement.  I just can't wait to see my little man. I keep wondering what he's going to look like. I picture him with dark hair like mine and big brown eyes. I can't wait to hold him and kiss him and read bedtime stories to him and get his pictures taken and have Christmas with him. I could go on forever. All I need to do when I'm having a bad day is think about Dominic and it makes me smile. It's still hard to believe I'm capable of feeling such emotions! Only 8 1/2 more weeks - bring it on baby!

Bitch Mode - ON

My overwhelming need/desire to bitch and rant is likely related to my aforementioned pregnancy mood swings, but regardless of the underlying reason, that's what this post is dedicated to. So without further ado, I now interrupt your regularly scheduled Baby Mama Chronicles with an airing of my grievances. Any similarities to actual moronic persons is completely intentional.

Grievance #1) Sometimes as adults, we come to a point in our lives when we choose to no longer be friends with certain individuals or groups of people. It may be due to disagreements, lifestyle differences or simply growing apart . There is no reason why situations like this can't be handled in an adult-like manner. Acting like a 14 year old PMS'ing high school bitch does not change the situation or make you look good. When you bad mouth the person to others and continue to stalk them 8 months after the friendship has ended, you are not only wasting your time, but you look like a giant pathetic douche. Call me crazy, but I'd prefer to take the more productive, mature route and move on with my life, look back fondly upon the good memories that took place with the person, wish them the best and let bygones be bygones.  Perhaps if some people didn't exert so much negative energy towards others, they'd lead a more fulfilling life. And their business wouldn't be failing miserably. Oops, did I say that out loud? If you don't like me, then don't join my fucking fan club but constantly stirring the pot and making me the center of your world is completely unnecessary.

Grievance #2) I know how the world turns and it's highly unlikely you'll succeed at pulling the wool over my eyes. This goes for friends, acquaintances and potential suitors. If you're fake, phony, and always tell me what I want to hear that's a huge red flag. I don't have the time or energy to play games so don't attempt it. I'm typically not one to bash on guys because truth be told I relate to guys far better than women in many ways. However, I've heard some epic lines of bullshit recently that both annoyed me and made me laugh. Telling me I'm beautiful or amazing does not make up for acting shady and disappearing 50% of the time. If you're interested, you'll make it a priority to talk to me instead of making excuses as to why you can't. Sending me "maintenance texts" every so often to string me along gets you nowhere. I invented that game and you won't win. Bottom line - actions speak louder than words so if you're interested, shut your damn mouth and SHOW me. Don't waste your time with feeding me a line because I won't bite. Mean what you say and say what you mean. I've been around the block a few times and I've seen this behavior a time or two. Don't flatter yourself - you're not THAT good and I will catch on. And when I do, expect to be called out on your bullshit. "Believe none of what men say, and all of what they do."

Grievance #3) If you don't know how to be a good friend, take a hike. I've learned one too many times that someone can be here today and gone tomorrow. If you love me or care about me, show me. Don't assume I'll always be around. I'd much rather have a handful of close friends than 100 half-assed "friends of convenience." People can say what they want about me, and I'm well aware of my faults, but I'm the friend that will be there to help you move, be a shoulder you can cry on, invite you to Thanksgiving when your own family has turned their back on you and go with you to the doctors when you have a scare, among other things. I just expect the same in return. If that's more than you have to give, kindly remove yourself from my life. I believe true friendships can last over long distances and over many years. If I'm gone for 6 months and you can't find the time to  pick up the phone even once or at least return my call, good riddance. I'm one of the busiest people I know and I ALWAYS make time for the people I care about, no matter how near or far they are. I deserve the same in return and I'm no longer settling for anything less.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming. Thank you and have a splendid day! :)

Happy Birthday to Me!

It's my birthday, it's my birthday - woo hoo! Actually this is the first birthday I can ever remember not celebrating the entire month, or at least week.  Last year I spent the day shopping, having lunch and drinks with friends and ending the night with some ever memorable karaoke, (I've posted a picture from last year's festivities). This year it just doesn't seem like I have enough time to set aside a whole week for celebrations. I have more important things to focus on - baby, work, upcoming non-profit events, etc. Regardless of my birthday plans or lack thereof, I can't believe I'm 24 already. It seems like just yesterday I was turning 18. Next year I'll be a quarter century old, man that sounds scary! Guess this year I'll just settle for an evening at home with family and cake, and possibly a girls night this Saturday after my baby shower. Maybe birthdays are overrated after all.

Less than 10 weeks left to go until Dominic makes his debut! I can't believe how fast time is flying by. I still feel great, and I've yet to wear maternity clothes. I'm still wearing my normal clothing, although my jeans are now held together by a hair tie. Physically, my only complaint would be the occasional insomnia. Other than that, I'm still carrying on my life as usual - working away, exercising before bed, going out and doing things when I feel like it. The only notable difference over the past couple weeks is the mood swings. This has been a relatively problem free pregnancy, but I did get moody for about 4-5 weeks during the first trimester and I think it's happening again. I've been getting frustrated and annoyed more easily than usual these days. In fact, the only thing that hasn't annoyed me over the past couple weeks is Dominic. Feeling him move or kick always brings a smile to my face no matter what kind of mood I'm in. Here's to hoping everyone else can put up with my grumpy ass over the next 10 weeks without locking me in a cage!

Still making progress by leaps and bounds for both businesses. Not quite where I want or need to be just yet, but everyday I see notable changes that keep me moving forward.  I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel, which is better than where I was 3 months ago! I've started looking more seriously into moving to San Diego. My goal is to move out of NY by spring, so now is as good a time as any to start checking out apartments and office space. At the very least, my search has given me an idea of what's out there and gives me something to look forward to. I'm excited to see where my little man and I will be in 6 months! "Success doesn't come to you. You go to it."