Frustration and a Sense of Peace...

Another week almost down and closer to my due date. I've been a bit frustrated this week due to the lack of new business coming in at my marketing firm. For a few weeks I had been getting new customer inquiries from national companies left and right but things seem to have slowed down this week. I know every business has it's slow weeks and mine is no exception, but it's driving me crazy pondering what may have caused the sudden decrease in interest. Hmm, time to get creative to see if I can rouse some interest. It would really help if I could find some decent salespeople. I have a tendency to over extend myself sometimes. I know I'm fully capable of continuing to do everything I've been doing (business management, marketing, advertising, sales, you name it). But both of my businesses would be a hell of a lot more effective if I could delegate some of the tasks to other people. Any good salespeople out there looking to sell great services with a reputable company? Anyone? Bueller, Bueller?

In other news, I'm pleased to report that the last two weeks have brought me an unexpected sense of peace with my current situation. I can't explain why, as nothing new has transpired, but I suddenly feel almost 100% okay with the whole baby daddy ordeal (or lack thereof). I really can't pinpoint why the sudden sense of peace, but I'm definitely not complaining. I've known for awhile that I was on the brink of entering a new and completely different phase of my life, and for awhile that scared me. I tried so hard to hang on to some things that really weren't worth hanging onto. But the time is here, I'm not scared anymore and I'm moving on! Don't get me wrong, I'm still keenly aware that raising Dominic without a father figure isn't ideal. But, instead of agonizing and losing sleep over the "whys" and "what ifs" about the "sperm donor's" decision as I had done in the past, I suddenly feel like Dominic and I are in exactly the place we need to be in. That's also not to say that I don't ever think about the "sperm donor", but the thoughts have become fleeting and few and far between. I'm sure there will be days when I feel angry or frustrated, but for the most part I don't even feel resentment towards him anymore. To be honest, I don't really feel anything towards him at all . Sure I had good times with him that I can look back upon fondly, but I truly think mine and Dominic's life will be better off without him. And I've decided never to lie to Dominic about his father. When he's old enough to ask I will tell him the truth. I'll tell him the good things about his father, and hopefully find a way to also explain to him the not so good things. If he wants to know his name, I'll tell him. When he turns 18, if he wants to find him and meet him, that's his choice and I will support him. I think it's best to be completely truthful with him from day one because secrets like that never go to the grave. The "sperm donor" is the one who has to live with his decision and potentially the one who will someday be faced with explaining his decision to his son. On the other hand, I can rest easy knowing I've made the best choices possible for Dominic and that he will never need or want for anything. I'm far from perfect, but I don't have a hard time sleeping at night and that should count for something! "Shake off the "why's" and the "what if's" and rid yourself of confusion. Whatever was - is in the past. Whatever is? That’s what's important. The past is a brief reflection, and the future is yet to be realized."