Just Another Day In Paradise...

Damn, it felt good to take the weekend off from work. I'd like to make a habit out of it but there's a fat chance of that happening with all of the upcoming business events I have planned. I've found venues for my upcoming marketing seminar and fashion fundraiser. Now on to the fun part - planning and marketing! I swear I'm more nervous about signing the contracts to secure the event venues than I was when I closed on my house! Oh well, time to push those fears aside and move forward. The show must go on!

Spent the weekend hanging with the family and cuddling my little man. These are the things that I look forward to most now as a mommy. I FINALLY got around to starting Dominic's baby book, just need to add pictures and I'll be all caught up. Yay me. Unfortunately my weekend ended with me feeling a bit under the weather today. Stuffy nose, body aches and super tired - yuck! Here's to hoping I feel better tomorrow morning and I can start the week off on a positive note.

Been thinking a lot lately about how fortunate I am to have such great parents. Sure they may annoy me at times, but I'm always very grateful of how supportive they've been through the last few years. My life has changed so much but the one thing I can always count on is them. I definitely wouldn't be where I am today without them and I love them very much. Some people aren't so lucky to have two great parents. Case in point, Dominic. I'm doing my best to make his life as perfect as possible, but no matter what I do it will never take the place of having another loving parent. For the most part I don't think about it too much,  but I've been wondering a lot lately how this will affect him once he gets older and starts to ask questions. I'm mostly concerned because I can't begin to fathom how it feels not having two loving parents and I feel like I won't be able to relate to him. Ironically, one of the people who knows what he'll be going through and could relate to him (his father) is the same person who put him in this situation. Oh, the irony! I guess I'll cross this bridge when I come to it.  "Some things were never meant to be no matter how much we wish they were."

Just Call Me Polar Bear...

So taking a dip in the river mid-January when it's 14 degrees outside isn't as bad as one might think! I did my "polar bear plunge" this past Saturday with two of my interns and a few friends. The event wasn't as organized as I had hoped, but it was a lot of fun! Some groups even went in costumes. Team TT's Attic took the plunge to a very fitting "I'm Too Sexy".  To be honest, it really wasn't THAT bad and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I went in just about up to my shoulders. The coldness of the water didn't really hit me until after I got out, at which point it felt like knives stabbing the lower half of my body. No biggie. "Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

I interviewed my second round of interns last week and started training my first group of interns today. I'm super excited about having the extra help and some fresh ideas for a few months. I really think we'll be able to make some great progress and plan some awesome events. Time to go balls to the wall!

Every time I think I can't love my little man more, he does something super cute and I fall even more in love with him. It's so funny, before he was born and as I was reading all the pregnancy and baby books I thought I had everything all figured out. I remember thinking "I will NEVER let my baby co-sleep with me" and "I do NOT want Dominic to have a pacifier", yet here I am with a 7 week old who loves his pacifier at bedtime and takes daily naps with his mama. Things changed so much once he was actually here and everything I thought I knew went completely out the window. I've come to realize that it's okay to do things my own way sometimes and not everything has to be done "by the book." Having a child has been such an amazing learning experience so far!

My Latest Epiphany...

*Sigh* It's about damn time I had a few free minutes to post. What's new here? Lets see, loving my little mini-me more everyday, getting myself psyched up to jump in a freezing ass river next week for charity, and working like a madwoman 24/7. I've become such a proud mama. I know I'm biased and everyone thinks their kid is the cutest/smartest, but Dominic seriously is! I've been reading up on different milestones for newborn babies, and he's ahead of the game by 1-2 months on some of them. He already smiles, laughs, coos, kicks his feet and reaches for things. It's amazing how much personality he has for only 6 weeks old. Oh and did I mention he's absolutely beautiful? Future president in the making!

Aside from adoring my little protege, I've been spending some time thinking about life, success, etc. I've certainly taken my fair share of risks, career and otherwise. But I've come to realize that in some ways I'm subconsciously standing in the way of my own success. I have a tendency to over analyze and over plan things, especially where it concerns business. This past year I've spent building solid foundations for my businesses and planning for the future. But now it's time to stop planning and start doing. Less looking, more leaping. I've learned that no matter how much I plan I'll never please 100% of my customers and sometimes I'm still going to fail. I'm learning to be ok with that. If some of my business ideas fail, I'll brush myself off and move to the next ones. But if I don't start at least attempting some of these ideas, I'll always have two small businesses, when I could have two huge amazing businesses. Time to go big or go home."You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

I've also noticed that in some ways I may be a little afraid of taking things to the next level and becoming more successful. Again, this is something I didn't realize until I really sat and thought about it. Once business is taken to the next level, I'll have just about anything I could want or ask for. Business and financial success. The most perfect baby in the world. Great friends and family. Only one thing missing. One thing that I rarely talk about (or think about for that matter). Romance. Love. Whatever you sappy people want to call it. So why don't I ever talk about it? For one, it's fairly non existent in my life these days. Second, I don't have time with baby and work occupying all my time. And lastly, it scares the shit out of me. Truth be told, I've been enamored with someone for quite some time and he's the only who doesn't know it. I could make a million excuses as to why I haven't pursued it, including the fact that I'm currently 2500 miles away, but it would be just that - an excuse. Perhaps it's time to put on my big girl panties and stop being such a wuss. On second thought, I think I'll start by taking more business risks and see how that goes first. And that's all I'm going to say about that!

"It's amazing the things you can accomplish when you get out of your own way."

Love of My Life...

I've finally met the love of my life. He weighs about 9 and a half pound and sucks his thumb. I often refer to him as my "little protege" or my "little man", but his name is Dominic.  When I was going through the labor process, I expected this overwhelming surge of emotion when I met him for the first time.  That's what everyone had told me to expect. But for me, it wasn't that way at all. That's not to say it wasn't love at first site because I knew I loved him before he was even born. But more than anything I felt a huge sense of relief when he was born. Relief that he was safe and healthy. And relief that my 42 hour labor was finally over! The first week after Dominic came home I went into survival mode, just trying to figure out how to take care of him and avert any disasters. But after week two, once I got the hang of things, I really started to enjoy my time with him a lot more. Maybe I'm just an odd duck, but for me the bonding process has been more gradual and I find new things to love about him everyday. It's safe to say he's already got me wrapped around his finger. Hell, I even love his "pissed off" face. When he looks at me with those big brown eyes and sticks out that bottom lip, I'm done for.

The inevitable has happened. I've turned into my mother. Overprotective. Paranoid. Worrywart. I'm pretty sure all of those would be fitting. I took Dominic to the doctor today because I thought his belly looked disproportionately big compared to the rest of his body. Turns out he was just bloated. I have a hard time not worrying about every little thing, but I guess that's my job. I even find myself watching him while he sleeps sometimes just to make sure he's still breathing. I'm scared to imagine how I'll be acting when he's a teenager.

 So I've realized Dominic is a genius. Not that I ever doubted he would be. But in reading up on infants, he's advanced in just about every area so far. He started smiling and giggling at about 2-3 weeks old and he started following my voice around the same time. He's already started to make cooing sounds and every now and then will even put his own pacifier back in his mouth when it falls out. Pretty damn advanced for a (not even) 5 week old! Harvard law school here we come!

I've still got a million things on my plate as far as business goes, but I'm quite content with the progress I've been making. I've come up with a few more brilliant ideas that I'll be rolling out within the next few months. In a few weeks I'm doing a charity event "polar bear plunge" to raise money for cystic fibrosis and the Ronald McDonald house charities. A few friends, a few interns and myself will all be jumping in the Seneca River mid-January in order to get people to donate. Our team will be representing my two businesses, TT's Attic and The Alpha Omega Solution. Should be a fun (albeit freezing) time! This week I'll be finishing up the training for my interns and interviewing some fashion designers for the boutique. I'm going to eventually be phasing out wholesale inventory and have all my items custom designed (among other things). I'm super stoked for the changes this year has in store! But all things considered, the best part of my day is still when I get to relax and cuddle with the cutest baby in the world. It makes all the stress and hard work completely worth it! "Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they're already asleep."

Good Riddance 2011

Wow! I can't believe how fast 2011 has flown by. What a crazy up and down year it has been. It's amazing to think of all the changes I've made in my life in just 12 short months. While I hesitate to say 2011 was a "bad" year, I certainly hope 2012 will be a better year. The last three years have been sub-par, to say the least, with my divorce and the loss of my step dad and best friend so I think I'm long overdue for one kickass awesome year.

Over the past week I've been reflecting on this past year and the things I've learned. I'm happy with the many positive changes this year has brought me, not least of all my beautiful son. I've had a few friends come and go this year, but it has taught me who my true friends are.  Although a few people I thought would always be there left me sorely disappointed, I was also pleasantly surprised by a few certain people who stood by my side through all of my ups and downs. I will be forever grateful to THOSE friends. This year has been a huge lesson in patience. When I decided to regain control of my life and start my own businesses,  I never envisioned it being such a process. I've learned to accept that not everything comes fast and easy, and sometimes things worth waiting for take time. Sometimes it's okay to slow down and enjoy life instead of racing through it on a mission to get to the top. My 9 months of pregnancy and 42 hour labor were also a lesson in patience, ha ha! This year also taught me (once again) that life is full of surprises. At the beginning of 2011, I never would have imagined I would end up back in NY with a baby. But I've learned to take things in stride and I feel like I am more prepared for whatever life throws at me now. 2011 was also a very humbling year. As someone who was successful at a very young age and bought a home at the age of 18, I had a tendency to get on my "high horse" sometimes. But going from living in my own home back to staying with one of my parents (albeit temporary)and starting completely over has had a way of putting me in my place. I've learned that that sometimes it's okay to put your pride aside and accept help from others when they offer it. This year has been a year of moving on. I've learned to deal with the losses I've had over the past 3 years in a more productive way. I've moved forward with my life with the memory of my step dad and best friend close to my heart. And most importantly, I've learned to love someone more than myself again. From the moment I decided to have Dominic, his needs became more important than my own and I knew I would love him more than anything else in the world. Having him was definitely the highlight of my year (and my life thus far). All things considered, I guess 2011 wasn't such a horrible year after all.

I suppose most people see the new year as an opportunity to make positive changes and get a fresh start and I'm no different. I think of all the progress that was made in 2011 and I'm excited to see where this next year will take me. My plan is to become the best mommy (and daddy) I can be this year. I'm all Dominic has and I need to set a good example. This year I'm going to get out of NY (and likely back to Salt Lake City) to begin the next chapter in my life. I'm going to live on my own again so that I can begin to feel like a functional adult once again. I'm going to start working on a plan to buy another house for me and Dominic. This year I'm going to expand my businesses and increase profits. My goal is to hire a few full time employees for each business and have interns each semester. I want to have clients in every state for my marketing firm by the end of the year. And my goal for TT's Attic is to roll out my new and improved top secret idea by June, and to truly start to make a difference with the 20% donations I do each month. My goal is to make a difference in at least one persons life this year, through charity events, volunteering and maybe even some motivational speaking. I've come to believe it is my life's mission to make a difference. I think my life experiences give me the tools necessary to help others and I don't want that to go to waste. I want to go to Ireland this year to Whitepark Bay so I can see the beautiful place my best friend always talked about. I want to spend less time working and more time with my friends and family this year. My goal for the year is to work smarter, not harder. I know I can accomplish these things with the right attitude and determination. It won't be easy but I've always liked a challenge. Oh and I want to make my first million by the time I turn 25 in September, ha ha! Okay that one might be a bit far fetched, but who says I can't try? :) “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”

A big thank you to both of my parents for being so supportive and helpful to me this year. I don't know how I would have done it all without you guys. And an equally big thank you to those friends who have been there for me through this crazy year (you know who you are). I love you guys so much and people like you give me hope for everyone else.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year! Bring it on 2012 - I'm gonna make you my bitch!!! ;)

Happy Festivus!

Happy 1st Christmas to my little protege! Dominic wasn't nearly as excited about the holiday as I was. My little brother and cousin had everyone in the house up by 5:30 AM this morning but my child slept through all the festivities. It was worth getting up early to see how cute he looked in his Christmas pj's though. I love how I wrapped all his gifts just to unwrap them all again myself - totally worth it though just to get me in the Christmas spirit! He ended up making out pretty good - got himself quite a few new clothes and toys, a Bumbo chair, a play mat with a keyboard and a bear that can be programmed to spell his name and play his favorite songs. Next year will be a lot more fun for Dominic, although it was great to spend the holiday with my family in NY for the first time since 2006.  My little man was the hit of all the family parties, I barely got a minute with him on Christmas Eve with all the people who wanted to hold him. Christmas Eve started at my great grandma Katie's house with good company, a five generation picture and the best peanut butter balls ever! Then we moved the party to my grandma's house with her 12 foot Christmas tree. And finally ended the night at my cousin Cory's house for a huge party with my mom's side of the family. It made for a long, exhausting, and fun filled day. I can't wait until next year when Dominic might actually be excited at the prospect of "Santa" coming. "Christmas is for children. But it is for grown-ups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts."

I had myself a couple glasses of wine last night at the Christmas party.  Although it was damn tasty, I must say not entirely worth the hassle of having to pump and make a bunch of bottles in advance. I suppose if I made it 9 months, I can make it another 3 or 4 until I'm done nursing before I decide to partake in drinking adult beverages again. And quite frankly it's not a top priority at this point.

I swear, I fall more in love with my child every time I look at him. When I had Dominic, I expected to be faced with an overwhelming rush of emotion upon seeing him for the first time. But it wasn't like that for me. The first time I saw him, I knew I loved him right away but more than anything else I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that he was safe and healthy. The first week I was focused mainly on getting the hang of things and figuring out how to take care of him. But now that I've got the mommy gig down pat, I've been able to enjoy my time with him more. I find myself spending a lot of time just staring at him, in complete awe that I made him. It amazes me how much personality he has already. His huge smiles crack me up. And he's taken to growling at me when he's hungry. How anyone could not love him is beyond me, this kid couldn't be more perfect if he tried!
 
 

Dominic Crankypants

My child hates me and wants me to keel over from exhaustion. Ok maybe not, but that's what it feels like. I knew Dominic was going to be a night owl if his sleep schedule during my pregnancy was any indication. He acts like a complete angel all day long, but come night time I'm dealing with Jekyll & Hyde. He turns into a holy terror, up nearly every hour, eating like he's starving, screaming his head off and demanding my attention. I can only hope once he gets a little older I'll be able to train him and get him on a schedule that works a little better for me. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I got all my Christmas shopping done yesterday. Gifts bought, wrapped and ready to be put under the tree. Not that Dominic will remember anything this year, but I'm excited regardless. Christmas is my favorite holiday and I can't wait to celebrate it with my little man. Christmas cards went out today too. Better late than never. I only ended up sending them to my family and friends in Utah since I can't be there. If you don't get one it's because I either couldn't find your address or because I procrastinated and forgot half the people on my list. Or I hate you bahahaha.

Now that I'm mostly recovered, back to work and on somewhat of a schedule, my next mission is to get back in shape. I actually can't complain too much considering I just delivered a baby two and a half weeks ago. I daresay I'm damn near close to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I need to tone things up a bit. I get too bored going to the gym, so I'm looking for a dance class or something similar. Zumba, pole dancing, salsa, even kickboxing would be fun. If anyone is aware of places that offer these in the CNY area, please let me know!

I made my selections for my first group of interns. Next on the agenda is developing their training program. They start on January 23rd so I have a few weeks to get everything ironed out. I also need to schedule interviews with my second round of interns from Syracuse University. My goal is to get all this done by the end of the week so I can take a few days off for Christmas. I can't wait to have the extra help. I have a few exciting ideas up my sleeve that they should be able to help me set in motion. A spring fashion show and fundraiser? Don't mind if I do! Watch and learn while I take this to the next level. "You don't become the best by being like the rest."

Guess Who's Back!?

After nine months of pregnancy and an exhausting first week of parenting, I'm beyond excited to announce that Blair is back! I was so worried I would lose myself and my edge upon having Dominic, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Now that my little man and I have gotten into somewhat of a routine, I've been able to start focusing on moving forward with work again. I interviewed my first group of interns this week and things look very promising. Having an addition 5-10 set of hands and fresh ideas for the businesses should be just what the doctor ordered. I became a bit antisocial during pregnancy, but I'm ready to get back in the swing of things now. I'm ready to get out and network with people, ready to travel the world with my protege, and ready to start my new life with amazing people by my side. I haven't felt this optimistic about things in a long time. It feels like months and months of hard work is finally coming together. I know I still have a long way to go, but everything is worth is at the end of the day when I get to cuddle up with the cutest baby in the world.


I debated for the last 3 months of my pregnancy whether or not I should send photos and details about Dominic's birth to his sperm donor. I'm still not sure if I made the right decision, but I opted to send them a few days ago. I've yet to receive a response and I don't expect one, but at least now I can tell Dominic someday that I did everything in my power to try and facilitate a relationship between him and his father. There can never be the excuse "I didn't know when he was born" or anything equally as ridiculous. How he could see photos of this beautiful, perfect baby and not even make an attempt is beyond me. I suspect he may be living in denial. But I guess there are some things in life I will never understand. All of my attempts have been recorded and now I can wash my hands of the situation knowing I did everything I could. I am beginning to believe that things truly do happen for a reason and maybe the only purpose he served in my life was to give me Dominic. Perhaps there is someone out there who will be a better father figure for Dominic someday. And fortunately because I didn't put the sperm donor on his birth certificate, it will be that much easier for someone to step into that role  if and when they come along. But that's enough about that. Onward and upward! “Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair.  However we must keep smiling & moving on.”

Dominic had his two week checkup today. Holy smokes has he grown! Last Tuesday he had a brief doctor visit so his pediatrician could check his weight after leaving the hospital. At that point he had lost 8 ounces and was down to 7 lbs 4 ounces. Today, just over a week later, he was up to 8 lbs 12 ounces! Lets just say he's a good eater.  It appears I have a very healthy (and chubby) baby on my hands and I could not be more grateful!

Chubby Cheeks!

I'm writing this blog post with a little man by my side! Just sayin. At the moment Dominic is fast asleep wearing yellow ducky pj's in his bouncer.  I can't believe how much he's changed in only 10 days. His eyes are now dark brown (even darker than mine), and his chubby cheeks have become even chubbier. He's still cute as ever - that hasn't changed! It amazes me how much personality he has already. I know that sounds silly to say about a newborn, but some of the stuff he does cracks me up. He smiles his sleep, he raises his eyebrows and he even rolls his eyes. I can already tell he's stubborn as a mule. Go figure, the child who takes 42 hours to be born is stubborn, (sensing the sarcasm?)

Nursing is getting a little easier and we are finally starting to develop a little routine. I read him a bedtime story every night before bed. He eats every 3 hours and if he's asleep I wake him up. The last two nights he's slept most of the night except during his feedings. I'm crossing my fingers that tonight will be 3 for 3. I think I'm finally getting the hang of this! I've even managed to get back to working about 5 hours a day. At this rate I'll be back on my A game by the end of the month! One step at a time I suppose.

I'm so damn excited about Dominic's first Christmas. We went to see Santa this past Saturday for a pancake breakfast at Beaver Lake. It was mostly for my benefit, as Dominic just slept the whole time. But I got some great pictures out of the whole thing. I did all of my Christmas shopping online this year and ended up getting him clothes and just a couple toys. I bought him the cutest play gym/mat with a piano he can kick with his feet. He won't be able to use it for a couple more months, but I'm sure he will love it. Or I will love to see him use it. Either way. Next on the agenda after the holidays is making a trip out to Utah to introduce Dominic to all of our family and friends out there. I miss everyone so much and I can't wait for them to meet my new little sidekick!

"Gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside. No matter what is going on outside of us, there's always something we could be grateful for."

Dominic's Birth Story

Here's the post you've all been waiting patiently for! My little rockstar has indeed arrived! DISCLAIMER: If you don't care to hear all the gory details of my "childbirth" experience, turn back now. If you are currently pregnant and don't want to end up terrified about your impending birth, I suggest you also stop reading. Now without further ado, Dominic's birth story...

My November 24th due date came and passed with no signs of a little turkey. So my doctor set an induction date for November 30th at 7 PM. Lets just say it's a damn good thing I had no idea what I was getting into and I went into the whole labor experience with an open mind. Just about any and all "birth plans" I had went completely out the window.

Going into the induction I was only 1 cm dilated, so the plan was to give me two rounds of drugs - cervadil and pitocin - to jumpstart my labor. At the start of the induction, the doctors warned me that it could be quite the lengthy process, although I was convinced Dominic would come sooner than later. Wishful thinking on my part!

At the start of day 1, I felt prepared and ready to evict my little man! My mom, dad and grandma all came with me to the hospital and were in it for the long haul. I was all smiles and posing for pictures, but that would soon change. 12 hours after receiving the cervadil, I was only dilated to a 3, so doctors decided to give me another drug, which they only referred to as "meso", to further dilate me. After 2 rounds and about  10 hours of "meso", the doctors decided it was time to break my water to speed things up. About 22 hours into the induction and I finally started to make progress. Kinda. Around this time I met a lovely nurse who told me an absolutely horrendous story about a fatal cord accident at the hospital. Call me crazy but that's not the best thing to tell a woman in active labor, ready to give birth to her first child.

But at the start of day 2, I was still in good spirits. My water had been broke, I was finally dilated to a 5, and I was having regular contractions that were noticeable but not terribly painful. The birth was certainly taking longer than I expected but up until this point I was still sticking to my "unmedicated" birth plan. At this point I met another interesting nurse who provided me with a little entertainment during my otherwise boring hospital stay. She came in to check on me and she looked at the 3D ultrasound photo I had on my phone of Dominic. "Oh my god, what a cute baby!" she exclaimed. "Looking at his picture just makes you want to pull out your boob and have him start sucking on it" she continued. Umm, what!? Did you really just say what I think you did? My mom and I were both holding back laughter. Where the hell did this hospital hire their nurses?

10 hours later, going onto hour 32 of induction, my positive facade started to deteriorate. Rapidly. I was going on 2 hours of sleep over 2 days, and a liquids only diet. I was tired, anxious and in pain. Screw "unmedicated" birth, give me the drugs! I opted for an epidural at that point, and the next 7 hours were glorious. Good-bye pain, hello tingly numb legs!

And then...all the fun started. I started to feel a pressure that was not there before, and Dominic's heart rate started to drop on the fetal monitor, so I called the nurse in. She promptly had the doctor "check me" only to find out that I was (finally) 10 cm dilated! I remember the doctor checking me, then looking at me and asking "So, are you ready to push?" Ummm, yeah, as ready as I'm going to be! I started to have a mini meltdown at that point (Oh, shit! This is about to get real!) And to make matters worse, doc decided to turn off the medication to the epidural before I started pushing so that I could "feel" my contractions and would know when to push. Awesome! What's the point of an epidural if I'm still going to feel a giant baby coming out my vajayjay?

At the start of pushing, the nurse warned me that first time moms typically take around 1 to 1 1/2 hours to deliver the baby once they start pushing. But stubborn old me was convinced that I would have Dominic out in under 45 minutes. Wrong again! I started pushing at 10:54 AM on Friday morning and Dominic wasn't born until 1:36 PM. Over 2 1/2 hours of pushing. On 3 hours of sleep over 3 days. And no food in over 24 hours. I started out by pushing on a bed, the "normal way" but over the course of the next couple hours ended up on a birthing stool and trying all kinds of crazy techniques to get the baby out. Dominic just did not want to come out! About an hour and a half into the pushing process, I started to get very discouraged. So the doctor says, "Reach down, you can feel his hair." So I did, and low and behold I could feel his hair! I thought for sure I was almost done at that point. But no. He ended up getting stuck in the birth canal. For about an hour. The doctor was worried he was too big and that we might have to end up doing an emergency c-section to get him out. But just in the knick of time, just past the two and a half hour mark, Dominic finally made his way into the world. As it turns out, he was stuck in the birth canal because he had the cord wrapped around his neck twice and it was holding him up. Talk about scary! On top of it all I ended up having multiple blood clots and needing quite a few stitches. As one of my friends once said, "It's a lot easier going in than it is coming out!" Ain't that the truth.

But my little man was finally in my arms. It felt great. Although at that point I was completely delirious. No joke. Aside from the pain, I remember very little about what the doctors said to me during the pushing process. Perhaps it was the pain, or the lack or sleep or the lack of food or a combination of the three. But I was completely out of it. When they handed me Dominic for the first time I remember thinking "Oh my God, he's so much smaller than I imagined. And sooo much cuter." He weighed in at 7 lbs, 12 oz and 20 inches long. Horrendous labor aside, I had a perfectly healthy baby boy.

Let me just say, all those women who say that pushing isn't the painful part of childbirth and that it just feels like a lot of pressure are absolutely, 110%, positively full of shit! I used to think that women were just being drama queens about childbirth being painful, but I'm happy to admit I was dead wrong. (It doesn't happen often, so you can quote me on that). I'm here to tell you it hurts like a bitch, is completely exhausting and is far and away the most horrendous (yet worth it) experience I've ever had in my life. The whole thing brought me to one conclusion: Dominic is going to be an only child! Although I'm aware a 42 hour child birth isn't typical. I guess my extra long and horrible labor was retribution for a 9 month hassle free, awesome pregnancy. Either way, I'm not in a hurry to do that again!

All things aside, my recovery process has been fantastic so far. Within 4 hours of delivering Dominic, I was showered, dressed and ready for visitors. Even the doctors were surprised that I was up and around after the ordeal I went through. But I saw no point in laying around waiting to recover. There's no better way to get back in the game than to just get up and do it.

I brought my little man home on Sunday afternoon, and yet again found myself completely unprepared. I have a tendency to be a know it all sometimes and I just assumed that parenting would be another one of those things I would breeze through. False. Truth is, parenting is just as difficult (albeit rewarding) as everyone tried to tell me. It takes up more time than I ever could have expected, but it is completely worth it. Nursing alone seems like a full time job! My master plan of returning to work full time Monday morning was shot to hell. But that's ok. I managed to get a few hours in, and I've decided I'm ok with taking the transition slow. The thought of slowing down completely freaked me out at first, but then I realized, what's the rush? Work will still be there at the end of the day, but Dominic needs to come first. Almost a week later and I've finally started to get into a little routine. I'm slowly but surely transitioning into my new life as a mommy/business owner. I may not be able to work 14 hour days anymore, but Dominic and I are still going to take over the world. We're just going to do it at our own pace!

The  whole childbirth and parenting experience has been a tremendous eye opener so far. For one, I learned that I'm not always right and sometimes I should listen to what other people tell me. Second, I realized even I have my limitations. I may run around acting like superwoman 99% of the time, but sometimes I just need to slow down and realize I can't do everything, all the time. And lastly, having a child does indeed change everything. Things that seemed so important just a week ago now seem so insignificant. The way I think about things has changed. The way I feel has changed. My entire life has changed. All because of one amazing little person. The feeling is indescribable. It's almost as if I feel like a foreign unknown version of myself. It will take some getting used to, but it's not a bad thing. I often find myself staring at Dominic, just completely amazed that I brought something so wonderful into this world. I love him more every second, minute, day. Having him was hands down the best thing I have ever done in my life thus far. I don't know exactly what the future will bring, but I truly feel like this is the beginning of the rest of my life...

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."

Mr. Stubborn

Well, it appears I have one stubborn baby on my hands. Dominic has proudly taken over my body as his bachelor pad and shows no signs of vacating the premises on his own. So, at this rate I'll be due for an induction on Wednesday or Thursday. I should know more after my doctors appointment tomorrow. These last few days have dragged on soooo slowly. Although it hasn't been half as bad as some women make it sound. I'm uncomfortable, sure, and yes, I now walk with a waddle but it hasn't been THAT horrible. More than anything else I'm just impatient. Less than a week, baby, less than a week!

Thanksgiving turned out pretty well. I was able to spend time with my dad and both sides of my extended family, and spent the weekend putting up the Christmas tree. I just love the holidays and the food was even more appealing as a 9 month pregnant woman! This was the first Thanksgiving I had spent with my dad in NY in about 10 years and it was nice to spend the holiday with him and the rest of my family. It was definitely different than what I've become accustomed to though. I can't help but miss the big Thanksgivings with 20+ people at my mom and step dads house. Time for new traditions I suppose. By next year I should have a new place of my own (who knows where?) and maybe I'll start a new tradition for me and Dominic.

The closer I get to holding my little man, the more I miss my best friend, Talese. There hasn't been a day that's gone by over the past year that I haven't thought of her, but she's been consuming my thoughts even more these days. I can't help but think she should be here by my side when I have Dominic. I can only imagine the advice she would have for me. Hopefully she'll at least be there in spirit. I miss her so much.

I think I might be getting myself some interns for both of my businesses at the beginning of next semester. As I was laying in bed trying to sleep the other night I had a stroke of genius (it happens from time to time). There I was stressing about how I need help for the boutique and the marketing firm. Big time. And then it came to me. Interns. Duh! So I contacted two of the universities close to me, Syracuse University and Oswego State, and it turns out both businesses qualify for the internship program. Basically I post positions through the universities, and in exchange for working for me the interns get college credit. Genius! So, I think I'll be posting 3 positions for my marketing firm and 2 for my boutique. If you know of any students who would be interested, please let me know. By all means, the team of contractors I hired have helped a lot with my busy work but I need more specialized/professional employees to help with some of my bigger projects and tasks. I think this will be a great way to do it without spending an arm and a leg, and maybe I'll even end up with permanent employees. It's at least worth a shot! I'm excited for all the ideas and plans I have coming up in the next few months. Hopefully they will be just what I need to give business that extra little push and allow me to have more free time for Dominic. And if not, then it's back to the drawing board and I'll keep trying until I get it right! I have to set a positive example for my little protege, after all :)

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. "

My Little Turkey...

Happy early Thanksgiving! Tomorrow is my due date - I can not believe it! I really thought Dominic would be here by now - this entire pregnancy I felt like he would come early, but apparently he's nice and comfy and doesn't want to leave yet. Went to the doctors today and he said I'm only 1 cm dilated. So unless Dominic decides to come on his own they will be inducing me next Wednesday or Thursday. I have another appointment Monday to schedule the induction for one of those two days. Yee-haw! So in a weeks time I will FINALLY have little Dominic in my arms. I'm so excited, nervous, scared, elated and anxious all rolled into one. It will be interesting to see if he decides to make his debut before then or if we will have to force him out. They are already estimating his weight at over 8 lbs so I have a feeling he's going to be a big baby. And every time I go in for an ultrasound the techs laugh because they can see his little hair floating around in there. No bald baby for me! I just can't wait to see what he looks like. Hopefully I'm not forgetting anything in my 3 hospital bags that I packed (hey, wouldn't want to be stuck there without something!) because ready or not, here he comes...


"It was the tiniest thing I ever decided to put my whole life into."

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are...

I know it's been awhile with no update - I've been crazy busy the last few weeks and it doesn't look like life is about to slow down at all! To answer the big question - yes, Dominic is still hibernating. Today is exactly one week away from my due date. Where the hell have the last 9 months gone? This pregnancy has gone by so fast and easy I can hardly believe it. All those people who bitch and moan about how rough pregnancy is really make me wonder. Maybe I've just been lucky. After all, I never even did buy maternity clothes. The old rubber band around the button of my pants trick worked wonders. I will admit though, the last week or so I've become increasingly anxious. I just want him here. RIGHT MEOW. I'm done being patient.

Am I nervous about my impending due date? Pshhh, never. What's there to be nervous about? Giving birth to a 7 - 9 pound baby? That's a walk in the park. Going through a long labor with (hopefully) no pain medication? Bring it on. Bringing home a tiny little human that I'm going to be solely responsible for? I may or may not be fucking terrified.

For my baby shower one of my friends got me a "belly cast" to make a mold of my pregnant belly. I did it last weekend because who knows how much longer I'll be housing a baby. It's a cool little gift, but I don't know what to do with it now that it's done. I've got this mold of these giant boobs and belly sitting in my room and to be honest it's a bit creepy! I guess I'll put it in storage.

So for now I go back to waiting. I'm no good at this game. Guess I'll just continue life as usual in the meantime - still working everyday, still staying active and still daydreaming about holding the little baby living inside me for the past 9 months. Come on Dominic, I'm ready when you are!


"Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current."

You're Evicted!

I've just about decided it's time to evict Dominic. Pregnancy has been lovely, but I'm ready to have my little man in my arms and not my belly. I want my body back. Pretty sure he "dropped" about 3 days ago, because I can feel it in my inner thighs and all over. Getting out of bed and bending over is becoming a chore. And I waddle when I walk. Come on baby, don't make me wait any longer!

Everything is ready for the big arrival. Crib is put together. Car seat, stroller and hospital bag are in the car and ready to go. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I still can't believe how fast these 9 months have flown by. I never did get to do the pre-natal yoga class, but that's ok. I've come to realize that I'm only one person and even I have my limitations. Dominic has everything he needs (and then some!) so that's what really matters. I just can't wait to kiss his beautiful little face!

Still keeping my fingers crossed for a natural delivery. The less down time, the better. I don't think I'm going to take any "official" time off work. Yes, I know I'll have to slow down for a bit but I see no reason why I can't at least get some work done while Dominic is asleep. I guess I'll just play it by ear. I'm also in a big hurry to get back in shape. Not that I'm concerned with the baby weight I put on (19 lbs total) because it's barely crossed my mind at all and all things considered I look pretty good. But I don't want to be one of those people who has a baby and then all the sudden looks sub-par. Having a baby? Awesome! Having a post-baby "mom" body? Not so much!

"A new baby is like the beginning of all things. Hope. A dream of possibilities."

All I Need Is Just A Little Patience...

My apologies to anyone who texted or sent me messages yesterday - I wasn't trying to be rude or ignore anyone, but I was at doctors appointments from 7 AM until after 5 PM. I was less than impressed with the perinatal center. My appointment took about 3 hours longer than it should have, the staff was less than friendly and the place itself looked really shabby. At least the doctor was thorough. After a long, stressful day I was cranky and frustrated. And by the time I got home I was beyond tired and hungry and didn't feel like talking to anyone.

So after a series of ultrasounds, and a biophysical markup on Dominic the perinatal specialist was unable to find any other red flags or problems. His heart looks good, he's moving a lot, taking practice breaths, growing like a weed and all of his other organs look good! So what does that mean? Basically they don't know what's causing the swelling on the brain. They said most often when this is the only problem (as it is in this case) it will resolve itself after birth without any negative effects on the baby. However, there are some things they can't test for until he's born so they will continue to monitor him for the first year or two to make sure the swelling doesn't get worse and there aren't any other issues. So the appointment went as well as it could have - huge sigh of relief there. Still keeping my fingers crossed that he's born safe and healthy, but at least I'm no longer losing sleep over the issue. They see no reason to induce me early at this point, so now I just wait....and NOT very patiently, might I add...for my little man to arrive! I'm full term now so the big day could come anytime now :)

Haven't posted about business in awhile but I've been making some serious progress. As far as the marketing firm goes, everything is in place for business to take off, except two things. I still need salespeople and I need to create a more effective and user-friendly training program. Should be fairly easy to resolve those issues. On top of the changes I made to make our services more custom and personalized, I've been doing a lot of work with start up companies. It creates more work for me, but it would be amazing PR for the company if even one of the start ups takes off and we are credited as their marketing/advertising firm. As far as the boutique goes, we're getting bigger everyday! I've have two models who have modeled and promoted for me. I have new inventory. I've found a few new charities to support. And I've been networking like crazy. I'm glad I didn't launch the "new and improved" boutique in October as I had originally planned. By all means, I still plan on launching it. But I think doing it too soon would be business suicide. The more happy customers I have when I launch, the more my idea will take off. I would love to see my "competition" try and steal or recreate this idea once I launch it. To do so would create an even bigger mockery of their already failing business. It's a pretty pathetic state of affairs for their business when I've had multiple people approach me and ask me if this boutique (which shall not be named) has been stealing my ideas. Yeah, it's that obvious. But I guess that's bound to happen when you have good ideas, drive and leadership ability. I'm starting to find the whole thing flattering. "Integrity is the most valuable quality of leadership. Always keep your word."

I can't wait to see what the next year brings for me and Dominic. I'm starting to see some of my goals come to fruition. And I've come to realize who and what is important in my life. I know WHAT I'm going to be doing, but I still don't know where yet. Boston and San Diego are still topping my list of places that would be great for business and education for Dominic.  But I'm keeping my options open to ALL possibilities at this point. All I need now is my little man and I'll be ready to take over the world...

No It's Not a Rant...Not Quite...

Happy Halloween (almost)! I can't believe October is nearly over already. I went to a Halloween party for a few hours on Saturday. It was good to get out, but with everything going on this past week I didn't have time to get a costume so I felt out of place. I ended up creating a makeshift cowgirl costume using a cowboy hat, boots and hobby horse. Next Halloween will be more exciting - hopefully I'll have a new place to decorate and a little man to dress up! Too soon to get excited? Never.

I'm not going to rant, because quite frankly I no longer have the energy or desire to focus on the negative at this point in my life. But I do have some comments and observations to make about a few things. I've come to believe that people who lie, tell others what they want to hear and/or string people along often do so to mask their own insecurities. If you happen to be one of those people who showers your friends or potential dates with compliments just to keep them around when you don't really mean it, you should probably take a long hard look at yourself. What that tells me is that you're insecure and so afraid of being by yourself that you'll do whatever it takes to keep people "on the sidelines" so you never have to be alone. True confidence comes in taking a chance on one person or a few people you truly believe in, and accepting the risk that things may not work out. If you need "backup" friends or "dates" you have a serious self esteem issue.  That's not to say there's anything wrong with keeping your options open, because there absolutely isn't. Just be honest about it. Anyone can lie or mislead others to keep people around, but true confidence comes in being honest with others and having them still want you to be around. Lying and stringing people along is for pussies. Stop hiding behind your lies and don't say things you don't mean  - have the balls to lay things on the line and own up to your shit. If you can't do that, don't bother speaking to me. End of my non-rant. "Never make someone a priority who only considers you an option."

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed about my specialist appointment on Friday. I'm hoping my positive thoughts will yield a positive outcome. In the meantime, I'm taking comfort in the little things - each time Dominic moves, looking at all the cute things in his nursery, staring at his picture. I couldn't love this kid more!

The Most Beautiful Baby I've Ever Seen...

I thought long and hard about whether or not to post about this, but decided to go for it since I've had a couple days to think. And after all, that's what I created this blog for in the first place. First things first, I got to see Dominic on the 3D ultrasound the other day! He looks almost exactly as I had pictured him - big lips, huge chubby cheeks, and yes I could even see his hair. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my life. I wish he had been a little more cooperative when the ultrasound tech was taking photos. He had his hands up by his face and looks a bit distorted in the few photos we did get.  But you can still tell how absolutely adorable he is. They estimated his weight to be just over 6 pounds right now, so I've definitely got a good sized baby on my hands.

After I got to see him on the ultrasound, the doctor came in to go over everything with me. The doctor then informed me that she was concerned because one of the ventricles in Dominic's brain was enlarged and the brain was appearing slightly swollen on the ultrasound. Apparently this is a fairly rare issue known as ventriculomegaly. The doctor also expressed concerns about his heart rate because it kept dropping throughout the ultrasound. Up until that point, we hadn't had any issues on previous ultrasounds, tests or fetal heart monitors. This news left me beyond scared, surprised, and worried. I couldn't imagine something being wrong with this beautiful baby I had just seen on the ultrasound.

Long story short, after a series of monitors and a fetal EKG with a pediatric cardiologist this morning, they assured me they don't think anything is wrong with Dominic's heart and they think perhaps the drops in heart rate the other day were attributed to his position. Huge sigh of relief there! Not completely out of the woods yet though. I meet with a perinatal specialist next Friday the 4th to have a more in depth ultrasound and possible fetal MRI on his brain. My doctor said if the issue doesn't worsen, it could resolve itself before or after birth. If it does worsen, then they may have to induce me early and/or possibly place a shunt in Dominic's brain after birth to reduce the swelling. And then we also have the issue of figuring out what caused the enlargement to begin with. The doctor said the issue could be genetic or physiological or could be caused by another health problem. I'm trying not to stress too much until we have more concrete answers from the specialist, but it's impossible not to. I'm hoping the additional testing is just a precaution and the tests next Friday will go as well as the ones today. I will keep everyone posted as soon as I have more information. I normally don't buy into religion but I sure have been doing a lot of "praying" since I got this news. Regardless of the outcome, Dominic will be here soon and I think he is absolutely perfect!  

"Parenting is a stage of life's journey where the milestones come about every fifty feet."

8 1/2 Down, 1 Month To Go...

Tomorrow will be exactly one month from my due date! I know I've said it before but I can't believe how fast time flies by. I can only imagine how fast Dominic is going to grow and how fast time will sneak up on me once he's here. I haven't even seen him yet and I'm already worried about him growing up so fast. I organized all of his little clothes this weekend. I think I may have gone just a bit overboard with his wardrobe - he has over 30 hats already. Soon I'll be looking at all these cute things on the most perfect baby ever, instead of just looking at them sitting in a drawer. Crazy!

I've been missing my friends and family in Utah like crazy these past few weeks. Coming to NY has been extremely beneficial for me in terms of getting my life back together and focusing on business. But I miss my people. I have this overwhelming feeling that I need to get out there and see everyone soon, a few people in particular. I'm really hoping to make a trip to Salt Lake City around Christmas/New Years time. I can't wait - what an epic reunion it will be!

I'm still trying to decide on a costume for a Halloween party this coming Friday - any suggestions? I've been going back and forth between being something cute or something funny. I think funny is going to win this year. Unless I think of something else in the meantime, I'm leaning towards Virgin Mary or a pregnant nun. Sacrilegious? Maybe. But still hilarious in my book. Dominic can be my little "immaculate conception". Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I lost my sense of humor. "It's hard to be funny if you have to be clean"

Full Term! Well Almost...

Just over 5 weeks til my due date and 3 more weeks until I'm considered "full term" - woo hoo! This pregnancy is flying by, I can't believe it's almost time to meet this little baby that's been inhabiting my body for the better part of a year. I have this crazy feeling Dominic will be coming early. I don't know why, as I have no real reason to think that but it's just a hunch. Time to get his crib put together and our hospital bag ready. Is it weird that I'm getting increasingly nervous to leave my house the closer I get to my due date? I have this huge fear of my water breaking in a public place. Yikes!

I have my final ultrasound next week. I can't wait to see what Dominic looks like now that he doesn't resemble an alien so much. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he's in a head down position like a good boy. I really, really, really don't want a C-section. The less down time I have, the happier I will be. Happy mom = happy baby. Soon I'll be writing these posts with a little protege by my side - so damn crazy! "Sometimes the littlest things in life change you forever."

Oh Boy!

6 more weeks, 6 more weeks, 6 more weeks! Yeah, that's not excitement or anything. Maybe just a little. Not gonna lie, the closer it gets and the more I sit and actually contemplate having a child of my own, the more I start to get nervous. Everyone has said it's a life changing moment and you'll never understand it until you experience it. I think about how much my life has changed already, and I can't even fathom the way I'm going to feel when I see Dominic for the first time. The reality is setting in more and more each day, and it's making me anxious. In a good way, but anxious nonetheless. With such a smooth pregnancy thus far, it's easy to assume that being a parent will be just as easy. But I know it won't be. Good thing I'm a fast learner and I'm more than ready for a challenge. Doctor says I've got a very active, healthy baby growing inside me so I have a feeling I'm going to have my hands full. Bring it on baby! “Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.”

Things are still coming together quite nicely with both of my businesses, TT's Attic and The Alpha Omega Solution. When I first started my businesses I had no idea that being a business owner could be so time consuming and stressful at times. I had always been successful in my previous jobs as a stock broker and mortgage broker. I would start working for a company, figure out how things worked and quickly move up the ladder, often surpassing even my own expectations. But starting your own business is a COMPLETELY different ball game. There is no structure to figure out. There is no ladder to climb. And there are no asses to kiss. Because you create the structure, you build the ladder and it's your ass you want people to be kissing.  When I have days where progress seems slow I remind myself that it's the small victories that matter and that will eventually get me to my goals. If I've come this far and learned so much in less than a years time, I can only imagine the great things in store for the future. At this point I can feel the pieces slowly moving together everyday. I'm sure I'll make more mistakes and get knocked down a few more times along the way, but trial and error is part of process. I'm no longer afraid of change. I will persevere.

 Eventually I will be moving The Baby Mama Chronicles to a different location. I resisted the urge earlier to register a domain and start building a website. I promised myself I would not take on any additional projects until I finish some of the ones I'm already working on, although it's very tempting. My vision is to have a custom Baby Mama Chronicles website with a logo, photo gallery and blog. Hopefully by the end of the year I'll have it up and running, as it will be a great way for everyone to view updates and pictures of Dominic all in one place. Just another one of my many ideas coming soon to an interweb near you. Stay tuned!

I've been missing my BFF, Talese, a lot lately. I have missed her everyday since she left us but some days are worse than others. Her absence has felt a lot more noticeable this past week or so. Sometimes it's hard to be friends with other people after having her in my life because most people just don't measure up. Some days I look at other people and get so disappointed at their poor character, poor decisions and overall lack of caring for other people.  But before I get too discouraged something always happens and I am reminded that there ARE still good people out there, even if they are rare. And I remember that even through all of her trials, Talese never got jaded or bitter. She kept right on loving more people and that's one of the things I loved most about her. She inspires me everyday to keep moving forward and to keep loving people even if they hurt me. Because when you find those rare people like her it makes putting up with all the other ones completely worth it!